[herbie]

whats hes well to do got to do with anything ......leave if your not happy not for the other guy if that works out later good for you cause to me it sounds like if the other dude is good foresure i will go but other than that i will prolly stay here ....

[cristinacal]

Hi,

It's been a while since I posted. I finally worked up the courage to ask my husband for a divorce. I visited a divorce lawyer and also found myself a small apt. but when it came to signing the lease agreement my husband requested that I go ahead with the divorce proceedings while I still lived in his house. As a single no one is willing to rent a house to me. It has to be either a large company or a family/couple so I'm pretty stuck. He said that he currently did not have the money to pay for either the rent or a divorce settlement and preferred that I waited until he could. He keeps saying that the fact that I'm willing to leave without any settlement is tormenting him, torturing him. He says that he does not want to abandon me. His face looks worried and drawn. I feel that although it's true that he does not have the money, he's also stalling... dragging his feet, hoping that I'll change my mind. It would take roughly nine months for the divorce to become final and I've told him repeatedly that he could take all the time he needed to give me something. I've told him it's a non issue that we should just part amicably with no ill feelings. I've told him that I trust that he will provide for me in the future and that it does not need to be immediate. Please understand that I'm willing to just walk away, I have not asked for any kind of settlement but he insists that I wait until he is able to give me a house and some money. It all depends on his family and the chances of them allowing it to happen are from slim to none. He may be using this as an excuse to keep me hanging... he makes me feel bad about walking out... like I'm endangering my life and security if I don't hold on... And he has obviously made no effort to change himself or his habits. I'm worried that although it's supposed to be a divorce based on mutual consent, at the end of it all he could just refuse to sign... I'm confused whether to wait a few months longer or just move on. I have a full year before my BF moves to the next destination and he wants me to go with him... divorced or not. I'm caught in between.

[WildChild]

It sounds like he is still based in selfishness and doesn't want it to appear that he can't/hasn't provided for you. You said you have a good job, I understand that there are cultural considerations that may make getting a place of your own difficult. Do you have any family member that you could live with?

Personally I think you shouldn't drag this out. It may be painful but I bet you can get him to sign the documents if you tell him you will pettition on the basis of his failure to have sexual relations with you. You should get out of your in-law's home first if at all possible. As for leaving with another man, getting a divorce first would really be the best thing to do for many reasons. Sourpuss asked a while back if you would be equally ready to leave if there were no other man in the picture. You need to really look at this question. Your culture has a strong requirement that a woman be with a man but if you are going to leave it needs to be because you need to get out of this relationship, not because there is someone else. Leaving is permanment, the other man may not be. One thing at a time, get out, get divorce, then new relationships.

[jns]

At 43 the time you can have a baby with your own eggs is slowly coming to an end. Do you want a baby? Do you want it from your own eggs? If so, faster is better than slower. It might also be an option to harvest eggs for later use. Good luck.