[Hopeless Dork]

The best way to spice up your sex life is to renew your interest in sex in general. The more you are enjoying sex, the more desire you have to be intimate, the more creative and exciting it will be, both for you AND him.

Does he please you in the bedroom? Is he able to bring you to orgasm? Do you masturbate / are you able to achieve orgasm on your own? Does he take his time and explore your body? Do you show him what feels good to you?

I think for your sex life to be spicy you have to be enjoying it too , if you are only trying to accomadate him or steer him from porn and cheating... it will always be a chore and will come across as such... so it could only be lukewarm. To make it hot you have to FEEL hot. And its his job to make you feel that way.

Men that make their woman feel sexy and beautiful at any size, in any outfit, in any hairdo... get a whole heap more lucky in the bedroom than the men that make their women feel inadquate, unnatractive etc.

Hopefully he knows how to make you feel like a hot mama, and hopefully you can learn to see yourself that way (20 plus pounds or not)

I think working on enjoying sex, so that you have an organic desire for it... working on feeling good about yourself are the most important things to improving and spicing up your sex life... the rest is just details.

[rcoreyus]

My take on it is that he wanted sex. He could tell that you weren't enjoying it (and give him credit for not trying to pressure you), so he turned to masturbation with porn as a sex-aid. When you asked him to stop that he became resentful and decided to retaliate.

[rhiannon34]

I don't like the mentality that if person A cheats, it must be something person B must not be doing right, or enough, etc. Some people can never get enough, because they have a bottomless hole that can never be filled. Some people just have crappy morals and are incredibly self-centered. Some are just promiscuos, and some have self-esteem issues. When person A cheats there is something missing, but not always with person B. Sometimes the thing missing is within the person cheating only.

[jns]

Cheating is many times related to changes in the circumstances, such as one partner or the other wanting more or less sex. When one partner decides to become celibate, or nearly so, it causes the other partner to examine the relationship and see if they want to have as little sex as a priest or a monk. Splitting apart a marriage because of this is difficult at best, because of the emotions and the economics of the situation. There are moral positions for both of the partners and they are often at odds. Sometimes something is missing because someone else took it away.

[p3375]

I don't like the mentality that if person A cheats, it must be something person B must not be doing right, or enough, etc. Some people can never get enough, because they have a bottomless hole that can never be filled. Some people just have crappy morals and are incredibly self-centered. Some are just promiscuos, and some have self-esteem issues. When person A cheats there is something missing, but not always with person B. Sometimes the thing missing is within the person cheating only.

well said, r34 !

[rcoreyus]

I think it is important to understand why someone wants to cheat. This isn't a blame issue, but rather to understand the motivations to see if they are likely to do it again. I think that if someone has a rational motivation to cheat, they are much more likely to do to it.