[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sweet,

Off course, you feel depressed, down and out, un-attractive, and that no one would ever want you.

HE HAS IMPLANTED those thoughts into your mind

But, you have your own mind... and you know your beautiful, inside and out and if you want to lose weight? Do it for yourself, not for someone else...

The person who loves you loves you un-conditionally for all you are, and they see the inside before ever seeing the outside.

Forget whether he's cheating or not, start a plan, start working out how you can move, or if you can kick him to the curb, how you can pay the bills, seek legal advise over what happens financially if you were to Divorce, start talking, to your family and see what support they can offer..

It's time to realise your beautiful and in that, you have a plan in the making and you are going to move on to a bigger and better life than you dreamed off.

People that verbally abuse, have their own issues and that is what it is, his own issues. Don't ever let them win. Ever... that's what they want.

Remember, your beautiful.

CW

[reesaj]

Thanks Sam ! Everything you said is true. I am so worried about not making it on my own with the kids and I know he doesn't love me. It was the same scenario last night. I almost had an anxiety attack, my voice is so hoarse from crying. I need to talk to someone, I really haven't been doing much of anything around the house lately do not have any motivation or drive. My mother-n- law came over last night because I called her; things were really bad. I know I need to get out now!! I just pray when I make that choice my kids will not suffer. I know my kids love their home and hates to move but this cannot continue. All I really want is to be happy and content with my children. I am so depress haven't really eating since Wednesday evening, I do not know why I’m not hungry are anything I guess I’m just not focus on eating. I’m really thinking about going to see attorney about separating, or is that too soon.? Should I wait until I have left and had time to think rationally? I do not know. I just want to make this bad feeling in my heart go away such a bomber!! I never would have imagine going through such pain, this I hear happens to other people not me!! I guess he changed!! All I have are my kids, I know their love is unconditional. I pray for him! I pray my husband gets help! He cannot think his behavior is normal he really needs help!! But I cannot be concerned about him, apparently he’s not concerned about me with the verbal and physical abuse he’s just not right it’s insane. Boy looking in to my life his like a sad sad story that I must correct and make it a happy ending for me and the kids. It just isn’t fair!!!

[samanthatallon]

No honey, if your ready then bite the bullet and just go for it! Your kids may be sad for a while as no seperation is easy, but things may only get worse at home, and as for happiness, thats no way for you or your kids to live, you all deserve happiness. So i would consult someone about the seperation, do you have free legal aid for those on low or next to no income? i dont know where you are in the world, so, there has to be something. Also to get your mind on track, seek help from a professional about how your feeling, a counsellor, there are plenty of free and low cost services, and im sure your gp or local clinic can put you in touch with the right people.

You are being very brave and the tears someday will seem like a distant memory and this will simply be a shadow of your former self.

Your kids will flourish and you will have a new lease of life to live and learn from.

Let me know how you get on hon! Message me at anytime if you feel low, i went through a nasty situation too, although i never married the guy.


xx all my love

sam

[reesaj]

Thanks Chandlers, I really appreciate that! It feels good to hear kind words about myself, instead of harsh ones. I am so glad I join women health support, because I know i will have someone to discuss my issues to. I just feel my family will not understand. I just need to know someone cares, and domestic violence is real and growing!! I never thought I would be a victim of it!!
I use to tell myself," I'm not going to let a man hit or abuse me", but you never know how you will react to such violence!!

[Hopeless Dork]

I reccomend checking out a movie called 'expired' , though its not about a married woman and is about a couple that is dating... you watch a woman with very low self-esteem fall for a man that is constantly bertating her for not being skinny enough, that her teeth aren't white enough, etc etc... chipping away at her soul. You watch in horror wanting to reach through the screen and shake some sense into her. You say, you beautiful woman, why are you allowing this man to make you feel like dirt?

It gives you a perspective on just how important a strong sense of self is in expecting that same respect from others, particularly the one you love. Warning its NOT a feel-good movie, but more of a glimpse into a bad relationship.. from the outside looking in and saying to yourself ... I don't ever want to be her.

[reesaj]

I will check with blockbuster to see if they have it, I would like to see it. Thanks hopeless
Just check Hastings video store has it, thanks. I'm going to rent it!!!

[JadedQueen]

What company is his cell phone through? Majority of the cell phone companies send their bills with itemized calls/text messages as well as being able to log onto your account through the internet.... you can see what calls he makes as well as receives, the length of the call, time of day etc....

How long have you been married? Is the way he treats you something recent or has he always treated you this way? It sounds to me like he has a serious lack of respect for you and regardless if he is cheating or not.... I don't think I would have any desire to stay and put up with being treated that way....not to mention take into consideration the example he is setting for your children... that it is acceptable for him to treat their mother so poorly. I just wouldn't put up with it cheating or not you shouldn't put up with him.

[reesaj]

JadedQueen is cell phone is through is job, so i donot have access to view the call on a log. I wish i could!! what a bomber!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thanks Sam ! Everything you said is true. I am so worried about not making it on my own with the kids and I know he doesn't love me. It was the same scenario last night. I almost had an anxiety attack, my voice is so hoarse from crying. I need to talk to someone, I really haven't been doing much of anything around the house lately do not have any motivation or drive. My mother-n- law came over last night because I called her; things were really bad. I know I need to get out now!! I just pray when I make that choice my kids will not suffer. I know my kids love their home and hates to move but this cannot continue. All I really want is to be happy and content with my children. I am so depress haven't really eating since Wednesday evening, I do not know why I’m not hungry are anything I guess I’m just not focus on eating. I’m really thinking about going to see attorney about separating, or is that too soon.? Should I wait until I have left and had time to think rationally? I do not know. I just want to make this bad feeling in my heart go away such a bomber!! I never would have imagine going through such pain, this I hear happens to other people not me!! I guess he changed!! All I have are my kids, I know their love is unconditional. I pray for him! I pray my husband gets help! He cannot think his behavior is normal he really needs help!! But I cannot be concerned about him, apparently he’s not concerned about me with the verbal and physical abuse he’s just not right it’s insane. Boy looking in to my life his like a sad sad story that I must correct and make it a happy ending for me and the kids. It just isn’t fair!!!

Hun, not eating is the stress of it all but it will make you weak, and you won't be able to focus, so please eat, start with soups, and progress with a bit of bread, you need the strenth.

Yes, see a attorney so that you know the next steps that you will be taking.

The children may love your home, but they would be happier with a "happier" laughing Mum around don't you think?

There are two steps just there, take those and then you can continue with the next step

CW

[tooconfused4words]

JadedQueen is cell phone is through is job, so i donot have access to view the call on a log. I wish i could!! what a bomber!!

I had the same problem and it does suck...partially because even IF you could reconcile this mess you can NEVER trust him where that phone is concerned ever again because there is no way to confirm what he is saying is true....and the word of a liar is worth less than nothing.

I wonder what happens if his employer finds out he is mis-using the phone they are paying the bill on? (Be careful though...my husband would lose his job if they found out what he had been using his phone to carry on a relationship with one of his subordinates and that would not benefit me or my kids. With or without him living with me (we are sort of in limbo right now), I need him to have a job and be able to pay his support.)