[jeninak]

My husband left me for another woman on April 8. He has come back to try to work things out twice, but only mopes around about her and refuses to break contact when he said he would. Anyway, I'm done with that. Here's the real question. We have a 15 month old son. We live in Alaska. I moved up here for him and have no friends and family up here. I would like to move back to the lower 48. We had planned on doing that before he decided to betray me in the worst possible way. We are going to court for divorce and custody next week. So, as of now I can't leave the state and will probably get shared custody. He says if (I think it's more like when) this new relationship breaks up we can move away. Not as a family, but live in the same town to co parent. So now I REALLY want this to end, so I can be around people who love me and not stuck up here in Alaska. They have only known each other since Feb. The affair started in early March. Moved in with her in April. Claims to still love me. I know he is feeling very torn and confused. He also thinks he loves her. I'm thinking infatuation. Anyway, I would really like to get the out of here before I have to go through another winter. Want to be around people who love me right now. Do you think this will last? They hardly know each other, but think they are in love. I don't think it's real love. Do you?

[Lucid14]

I would take your son for an extended vacation to be with your family. The best thing to clear your mind is to be with people that love you and care about you and can give you some answers because this guy is clearly not able to make up his mind. He is not going to be able to make a choice and even if he could, why would you let him make it for you? Who cares whether their love is real or not?! He has hurt you in one of the deepest ways a person could hurt someone in a relationship. Be angry at him!!!

My ex-husband did the same thing to me. Our son was two months old. He was emotionally maniplative so when I was with him it was extremely hard to speak up for myself. I was able to kick him out and spent some time with my family. I remember I hadn't been around him for about a week and it was like his spell had worn off. I just cried and let him go. It's just you and your son now, this guy has some soul searching to do and that search is only something he can do alone.

You also have some soul searching to do, to find out why you choose someone that would hurt you in such a way. But get away from him, get some space. Is seems from your post that is what your heart is telling you.

[jeninak]

I can't leave right now. The divorce is in motion. We go to court the for the first time Monday. Trust me I would love to just take off. He is going to try to get split custody, and probably will. Which means he keeps some control over my life at least as far as moving in concerned. I need this relationship to break up. Plus, I know it's wrong and bitterness speaking, but I don't want them to be happy it! I'll admit it. The main thing is I want to leave though...

[Hopeless Dork]

Get yourself a good attorney because this right here won't fly if you do. He CHEATED on you, he abandoned your marriage... and now YOU have to live there to share custody until HE'S ready to move? Nah, make sure you see a good lawyer because under the circumstances... you should be allowed to be close to your friends and family.

You moved there FOR him, he left YOU... not the other way around... so he should be the one that has to hop flights to the states til his relationship ends. It does not seem right that you were the one wronged and you are the one that has to be isolated from your family.

[rcoreyus]

I agree with HD. I don't know divorce law in Alaska, but it seems strange that he left and now you aren't allowed to move. Does he really want joint custody, or is he just holding that over your head as a threat?

[jeninak]

He really wants join custody. He does love his son. I know that. His head is just all messed up right now. He's so lost in infatuation he can't see straight. I looked her up last night and found out she has had some restraining orders on her for D.V.!!! So Monday I'm going to get to the bottom of what that was all about. I am fighting for full custody, but in this day and age they don't just hand custody over to the mom. Courts don't care much that he cheated. They look at the best interest of the child. I have to show why her house is not a good place for him to be. Hope I'm on to something with these restraining orders!

[sourpuss]

It doesn't really matter if it lasts or not. You're done and wanting to move in the right direction for you and your son, and you should. Move the divorce proceedings along as quickly as possible and make arrangements to be with your family and get on with your life.

Her situation will pretty much guarantee that you get the kid, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. Keep your head up and it sounds like you have a strong mind and heart about what's right for you and your son so stay true to yourself.

[LanaBear]

I just wanted to say good luck tomorrow!

I completely agree with HD and it is unfortunate enough that you have to suffer through the cheating, but now being in a place where you don't want to live, going through divorce and custody issues.

[AnneHathaway]

Some part of him deserves to be torn, all right...off. Best of luck tomorrow and I hope you get full custody of your son.

[jeninak]

So, nothing much happened in court, but after he called begging for another chance. Says we can move away. I want to trust him again.... I am down for the moving part for sure. I don't know. Very confused...