[LostForever]

To your point about his unhappiness..he is unhappy because I do not consider his Mom and his brother's family as my priority, my priority is my daughter and then him. I want to think about our family our house first and then if we have time about any body else on this earth, for him it is first his Mom and then his brother and then anything else on this earth. I also do have parents and brothers, when I meet them once in a year or sometime 2 years, why is his family so important. His mom is the most negative person I have ever seen, never heard her appreciate anyone except her own sons and his brother, although 4 years younger to him, treats us like he is our boss. So you see I have been going to meet his family and not react to maintain the relationship. We have no other place to go on weekends except to meet his Mom and brother's family. I am simply fed up with doing this for no reason, I could not see any purpose of doing this. I married him and have a daughter, I would like to have memories of our time spent together. The fights we have is about what his mother said about me or what his brother didn't like about me, there are no fights about our not doing anything for our family, we never reach that point. So you see he is unhappy about something, I tried my best to tolerate and not open my mouth even when those guys were ing about me on my face. I no longer has any love for him or any motivation left in me to tolerate his so called family. His brother would shout back if someone dare talk about his wife like that,but my husband will never see any thing wrong if his brother or mom talk like that. I have buried my self-respect long enough but now I will not.

[Ashlee T.]

That was one of the very reasons I got out of a 5 year relationship with a guy I was engaged to. No matter how hard I tried, I came second to his family. Lucky me, he bought land right beside them and literally had burnt a trail back and forth from his place to theirs on the fourwheeler. He stopped by their house on his way to work in the mornings for coffee, breakfast and to drop off his laundry for his mom to do (he was in his late 20's early 30's....yes this was a problem for me. lol), then he'd stop by every afternoon at their house on his way home from work to pick up his laundry, his mail (yes, he wouldn't put in his own mailbox, he liked picking it up there), and find out what she was cooking for supper. She was always a stay at home mom, so she religously cooked a meal every night and had supper at around 5. I, being the girlfriend, so desperate to make my place in his life, would try to plan nights I could cook supper, but he'd always end up stopping at his moms and finding out what she was cooking and would tell me he'd rather just eat that. On the nights he'd say he'd cook for me, I'd show up to his place only to find two plates covered in plastic wrap that his mother had prepared for us. I figured out after years of frustration and patience, that I just couldn't live my life in his parents shadows. And I knew once I had children with him, that would put me even further down the line of priority. Then it would be parents first, child second, me last. Though his family loved me, they stepped on my toes often and it was obvious, yet he'd never take up for me. He'd say "they're not going to be around forever".

Of course you've lost respect for him. He has priorities very messed up. But if it weren't his family, it would be something else....because it truly sounds like he doesn't have what it takes....it truly sounds like he doesn't WANT to be the active family man that plans things and spends quality time with his wife and child. His family is an excuse, but if it weren' t them it would be something else.

So, even though his family might be a bunch of buggers (which you'd clearly not be the only person that doesn't like their inlaws), his family is not the real problem and I think you do see that. THe problem is, he's not happy, he doesn't want what you want him to want, his priorities are not what yours are, and he's not willing to compromise.

So what's next for you my friend?

[LostForever]

Sorry for the delay in responding. Feels good to know that there are other men in this world who could be so messed up. I know life is not going to be easy, but at least there is no frustration as I have given up all my expectations from him. At least I know for sure that I am not going to look for other guys. My background and culture is still in me and would not allow me to move in that direction. Going for another guy would mean cutting off with my social circle and I do not have strength to take any drastic steps to change my life. I will try to look for positive things in my life and try to lead a normal life. It is now close to 2 months that I am living without any communication with him. We share our online calendars, so that we know the parties we have to go to or if we have to invite someone who wants to come over to meet. We don't show others the tension between us. Now I try to keep my weekends busy for charity work or my daughter's classes, he continues to go to his family.