[bri_a5001]

my ex-fiance (together for 3, friends for 6) and i are living together, he treated me like (edit) verbally abused me for a year and I finally broke it off after trying my hardest to fix everything, afterwords realizing it was never my fault.
i cannot move out for financial reasons and i LOVE my apartment. when we are getting along we can cohabitate well together, i asked him to please not make me miserable for the remainder of the lease..however that seems to not be working for him . he is nice alot of the time then like jekyll and hyde turns totally psycho and will not listen or do anything.
the last few days he has been really trying to be a nice person..
he was so sweet and reassuring this morning but tonight i came home from work and the house was trashed and him and his friend were drunk.i started getting upset and cried and then he freaked out and got mad. i was about to leave to sleep at a friends house but then i decided to not be a doormat.
i told them to clean everything, apologized to his friend (bc he was very reasonable and nice),and told him i now hate him (which i have never said before). what now?

[Mes T]

You... need to move out. If you can't find a place within your price range, move in with your parents or close friends for a few months and save some money.

Your apartment might be nice, but it's just a place, and there are tons more out there, ones that don't come with a psycho ex-fiance.

[bri_a5001]

i want HIM to move out, or just leave me alone! it is a two bedroom and there is plenty of space, i just want an even split or for him to just go away. i dont feel like i should leave somthing i love just because he is a big dill hole. im done with laying down for him, he is a bad person

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sometimes you have to look beyond things you love, ie) your apartment because you will have an equally nice one again, one day with someone stronger, wiser and committed to you... It's only time that is the problem in that regard.

Verbal abuse is degrading someone.. You know that, and staying, going back into that relationship sometimes is more of " what if? " and so you try again.. But, you know that, it really hasn't changed.. won't change.. You can not change someone...

It seems drinking, is his major downfall. His friends, probably more important. He has no respect, to trash a place. He has no respect to dis you after that type of behaviour either.

You do.. So, look at this really seriously, hard... There is always a way out.. Always somewhere to go..

Respect yourself.. He can get someone else to move in and pay the rent, and if it's under both your names, talk to the Property Manager, ask to break the lease, re-advertise the property for someone else to take it over.. Talk to your friends and family, and find somewhere to go for now.. and keep your respect in tact because no one is worth staying with when they don't know how to treat you the way you deserve and treat others.

It's time you found someone who will.....

CW

[jns]

He will most likely get more and more abusive. Yes, you should leave.

[Mes T]

I don't really know how to get him to leave... From your post it doesn't seem like he'd be very receptive to a civilized persuasive argument. Could you actually work this out with words?

You leaving wouldn't be you "losing" this battle; it would be you taking charge in the quickest and safest manner.

[bri_a5001]

somtimes i wish he would do somthing crazy so i could call the police on him and kick him out ! (my name isnt on the lease and i cant get it on.)
im over getting upset from him, i usually dont anymore, i tell him when he yells at me that the only person hes making mad is himself, and its true.
you have to keep in mind that he is a nice guy alot of the time,,,, but somtimes he is just psycho.
i hope he comes to his senses and has a little respect to at least apologize.. i just dont want this to be till next spring !!
do i need to write a list of rules or what ?! jeez

[Mes T]

Ahh. Only his name is on the lease, unfortunately it's HIS apartment and by extension HIS rules, unless he'd be willing to compromise out of respect for you as a housemate. Are you paying rent in this place?

[bri_a5001]

yes we try to split expenses as evenly as possible.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

bri, it sounds awefully alot that your not concerned if the relationship ends, just you don't want to move until the lease is up, Spring time.. You like being there.

You have to weight up, like I said, then what you really want.

Because as Mes stated, it's his apartment, regardless if your paying rent, and food, and utilities equally.

If he is "nice" most of the times, then ask him why he needs to drink and be abusive and dis-respectful.. If he trashes the place, unfortunately, that's his business, it's his apartment...

I get that your his "girlfriend" and live there. But, maybe turn a blind eye? And there will be no arguements. In-other-words, life is short, marriage is different. Your not married yet. Or may never be... so don't put those values into a relationship, especially living together. Sure he has to have respect. But, there is also give and take.

Until your man and wife, or fiancee living under the same roof, working on a life together, boyfriend and girlfriend can be here today and gone tomorrow and if you don't like it now, then he's not going to change and the house will always look like that even when your married and he has mates over... You need to weight up what you want.. in... life.