[bat]

I am so frustrated .... I really need help from all of you....
last week there was a argue between my bro and my husband... my bro is a sensitive and short tempered person, and become angry... I was talking to him that why you are angry, Chilll...we were inside a car suddenly he become mad and start to heat himself I try to control him.... my hubby came to help me, my bro slapped my husband... and it become worse and worse.... when we reach our home my hubby just said that he is a young man and went to bed.... but the day after when he notice that he has some problem in his head, situation changed..... he start to say bad things about my bro and all my family members.... I got angry and answer him back that my parents has nothing with this argue and you shouldn' rude to them, you other kind of problem in you family........ then he start to hit me awfully... we have married for 5 years and all these years always we have reach to same like these... I couldn't control my temper when he talk rashly about my family I answer him back about his family and he start to slap me.... but this time is so serious.... I told him my bro is absolutely guilty and must apologize but my husband each day become more hated from me and my family.... please help me... how can I control this situation.... I love my husband... but whenever something like this happen he never control himself.... we rarely have argue but each time is bigger than last time....
please help me....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

bat..

Words speak volumes and when they are spoken, it can tip someone over the edge.

Each of you love your family, as you should and will always defend.

BUT, physical abuse, especially from a man, to a woman is un-excusable... and what you have stated, means he has gotten worse, whilst not frequent, when it occurs it has gotten worse....

You either make a pact to NEVER talk about family members in a bad way to each other, and NOT have your brother together with you both, rather, in a group, with others, or alone with you, and you consider that your husband and your brother need anger management, someone is seriously going to get hurt, seriously when the anger esculates one day even higher... Or, you leave and let him ponder on the fact that he has no right, to ever, ever, hit you or slap you and if he wants you back, he needs to get help.

CW

[stressed]

Your husband has self-control and anger issues. It is unacceptable that he hits you for whatever reason. He needs professional help. You cannot control this, it will only get worse.

[SaharaJim]

Bat....Your brother was WRONG to hit your huband. Your husband was WRONG to hit you. But you can not CONTROL the actions of others only what YOU choose to live with. From your post I suspect that you think that this type of "family violence" is "normal and acceptable". I think that you need to decide for YOU if this is how you wish to live. You don't have to live like this if you don't want to.

[bat]

with reading your replies, I really feel release... thanks God you are here all of you....
me and my husband, 2 years ago went to consultant, because whenever he have hit me I defeat my self and then that situation was worse than this... then after all the consultancies we learn to control our anger a little bit, I couldn't control my words but now I can control my hands.... I never ever agree with physical abuse or any violence, but seems my bro and my husband has this character, I just want to find a way to reach to peaceful mind just for myself... I love my husband, he is my best friend and obviously I want to leave... I don't want to be a weak woman and say that it was all my fault if I close my mouth never he slapped me, but do you really think if I ignore all his rudeness and disrespect to my family, that it happened rarely in our marriage life, he will slapped me again?.... what should I do with my brother, I agree with dear Chandlers wish that I shouldn't be with my husband in the same place with my brother... on the other hand my brother is so depend on me he is 25 and I am 30 and my husband is 31... shall I leave my brother to himself? what if he commit suicide... is it my fault that my husband hate my brother from now and we couldn't go out all family???
I don't want to give up... each of us in our office are a professional staff with all success but when it reach to anger time, we control our self till it blast.... I really need to know that normal people I mean happy couple never ever argue with each other... if they care about each other or they just want to not interfere to each other red lines and borders....
is it possible that because me and my husband are our close friends we know all our bad and goo points, we hurts each other.... we read and practice all the exercise for anger management and etc but when we reach to our threshold, none of them help us till now.... we are really dissatisfy from our behaviors....
I need you opinion about all this.... because you don't know me, you can clearly tell me what is the wrong points that I cannot see it.........
luv u all

[Allie602]

Bat where are you from? What is your cultural group. This info may help to give you more support. At any rate, the violence must stop or someone, you most likely will be seriously hurt.

I hear you, you are dealing with many complex issues!! Family, relationship, sibling these are each great stressors and you have them in spades. You are confused because of the multitude of problems but you can't handle them all at once, start with the most serious, the physical abuse and rage. If I understand from your post, you are both hitting each other, is that right? If that is the case then you both need to get therapy ASAP. Are their any crisis intervention facilities in your community? Many communities have crisis intervention to handle families with issues that cannot wait for an appointment. Please come back Bat and give us feedback so we can talk you through this.