[Pelle]

Yes It's Cheating!!!

My soon-to-be-ex-husband not only visited GRAPHIC pornography sites, he carried on a mostly on-line affair with a woman who lived about 3 hours away from us. He would meet with this woman whenever I was out of town.

What's really creepy about all of this was my neighbors' reactions when I kicked him out - they were very glad to see him gone. Apparently, he'd been taking photos of the neighbors' 12-year old daughter and her friend of the same age. When her parents asked him to stop - he didn't. Instead, he took pictures through the upstairs windows (after removing the screen) and our French door.

PERVERT. I am lucky to soon be rid of him.

[TAS]

Ok so what do you all think I should do. I mean if I knew for certain that he was talking to women on the net the decision would be easier. But all I know at the mo is that he is watching/has watched stuff on these sites.

I know he has been getting upset because my sex drive has disappeared but does that give him the go-ahead to visit porn sites?

Did I cause this?

I am so confused!!!!!

[Pelle]

Dump his ***!

He won't change. Men never do. That's not a slam against men - I just think that men are treated deferentially since birth and women are taught that they are the ones who have to be adaptable/flexible. So we are. Since most men are not taught to be flexible and change, they are unable to do so.

My soon-to-be-ex blamed all of his shortcomings on me. He is too narsasisstic and immature to ever take responsibility for anything. He cheated on me via porn long before he had the affair. Do you want to prolong the agony? If not - dump him IMMEDIATELY.

[mspacman]

Newbie

I too found out my husband was visiting online dating services and watching alot of porn - usually while I was away or he was on business trips. Once I confronted him with the evidence he admitted to cheating...once was a one-nighter after a business dinner, the others (so emabarrassing) were escorts or 'massage therapists' he would hire while on business trips. Don't discount his behavior - chances are he's not being faithful.

[Fire(m)]

To me it sounds like a number of the respondents to this thread have REAL issues. It sounds like several of you have spouses who are actively unfaithful to you. If that is actually the case, I feel for you. That's a terrible situation.

Not to make light of the situation, but just to post a "counterpoint", I can tell you from personal experience that I look at porn online frequently, and I have never (in 22 years) messed around on my wife. I love my wife and we have a good marriage. We are both VERY happy. She knows I look at porn on the internet, and does not have any issue with it.

Another question for some of you. If your husband came on THIS site and entered into discussions of THIS sort with a variety of ladies and gentlemen, what would your view of that be? On this site we discuss all sorts of things, sexual and non-sexual in nature. My question is: Would you have a problem if your husband was coming on here? My wife knows I come on here, and doesn't mind at all. I don't hide anything from my wife and I don't have to because I have nothing to be ashamed of and I don't have anything that I couldn't openly discuss with her. In a way, I wonder if this whole issue doesn't boil down to "How well can you and your spouse communicate?".

What are your thoughts? Do you think that if a man discusses personal information with other women online that he's messing around on his wife? That's what I do, and I can assure you that I would never mess around on my wife.

Cheers.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I think.... NECRO NECRO

But aside from that....

In regards to things like this:

I know he has been getting upset because my sex drive has disappeared but does that give him the go-ahead to visit porn sites?

I think that you cannot expect your partner to become asexual just because you do... Sex is a part of a relationship, turn your back on it (and to be honest I'd leave), then I, personally, don't believe you can be angry because they watch some porn. I mean, to be perfectly honest, and this isn't what you ladies want to hear, if he wasn't watching porn he'd still be fantasizing about the girl he fancied in school, the hot woman at work, whatever. Men fantasize, deny that fact and you're living in denial. You might be happier but it's not reality.

As a woman in a relationship it is your responsibility to meet your partners sexual needs, just like it is the mans responsibility to please hers.

[SorridLives]

What are your thoughts? Do you think that if a man discusses personal information with other women online that he's messing around on his wife? That's what I do, and I can assure you that I would never mess around on my wife.

Cheers.

My husband knows I ask questions about sex and a lot of the topics I ask questions about. He knows I talk about porn and masturbation a lot. LOL. I try to have *great* communication with my husband, and I think he finally understands that it is to better our relationship. At first, he hated it because he is not someone who likes to explain his feelings about things he does and why he does it. He is a private guy. He likes to keep some things to himself. I am trying to respect that more....and get him to open up more at the same time. Trying to compromise with him. We have really come a long way!
My husband watches porn but doesn't cheat....and he does love me. I **have told him that webcams and things like that are a deal breaker for me. He said he would never (even if I had not said that). Watching porn and masturbating is a lot less harmful, IMO.

[Fire(m)]

I think.... NECRO NECRO

But aside from that....

In regards to things like this:
I think that you cannot expect your partner to become asexual just because you do... Sex is a part of a relationship, turn your back on it (and to be honest I'd leave), then I, personally, don't believe you can be angry because they watch some porn. I mean, to be perfectly honest, and this isn't what you ladies want to hear, if he wasn't watching porn he'd still be fantasizing about the girl he fancied in school, the hot woman at work, whatever. Men fantasize, deny that fact and you're living in denial. You might be happier but it's not reality.

As a woman in a relationship it is your responsibility to meet your partners sexual needs, just like it is the mans responsibility to please hers.

I agree. On several points.
1) Just because you lose your sex drive doesn't mean you can reasonably expect your partner to (this applies to males and females).
2) Men "are" visual. We like porn. You can accept that or not, but it doesn't change the fact that men are visual and we like porn.

3 (an additional point I'll add). We masturbate. Whether or not your sex drive is existent (refer to #1 above), we still like to wank it every so often.

Cheers.

[Guest]

HELLO EVERYONE...he is visiting porn sites and dating sites...getting naked pics from other women...he is 41 flirting with a 17 yr old...who BTW is not even legal!!!! he hid it from her.... what more needs to be said???? YES it's cheating!!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

HELLO EVERYONE...he is visiting porn sites and dating sites...getting naked pics from other women...he is 41 flirting with a 17 yr old...who BTW is not even legal!!!! he hid it from her.... what more needs to be said???? YES it's cheating!!!!

ILuvHim. ?????? Read the dates at the beginning of the Threads as to when they are posted....

The Threader POSTED and left in 2007 to whom you are referring to in your reply.

Comments are being replied from mcspacman's new post who posted in 2008, & then jointly discussed on the issue itself.

Newbie - mcspacman
I too found out my husband was visiting online dating services and watching alot of porn - usually while I was away or he was on business trips. Once I confronted him with the evidence he admitted to cheating...once was a one-nighter after a business dinner, the others (so emabarrassing) were escorts or 'massage therapists' he would hire while on business trips. Don't discount his behavior - chances are he's not being faithful.

Anonymouswhitefemale

I think.... NECRO NECRO

Means old thread - Original Poster has long gone....

Be good if people can reply to an old thread if they have the same issue to bring up and can relate, or start a new thread, so that members don't reply to 12 month old threads as Anon has pointed out.