[wassa54]

My hasband and i have been married for 4 years now.. we had up and down side,but i guess that is just a normal problem .. i come from different culture and we speak totally language which it is still a problem... I am asian and my english is just okay to carry on conversation,but i keep learning. he had been married twice before met me and we got married pretty quick said in about 4 months after we knew each other.. anyway this is not problem that i have though-- before her met me, he had a girlfriend whom he told me that he had been cheating on her with his 2nd ex wife and yes his ex-wife gave him everything he wants and he told me he was more attractive to his 2nd ex more than his gf that was the reason he cheated on..... i mean that is really in my concern
by the way i had been working like crazy for 3 year until 9 months ago i quit my job because i was stressed out from work and then well i found out that he still keep contact with his 2nd ex-wife. she sometimes came over my house when i left to work or just called asking my husband for help. she now live on government support. so it doesn't really bother me much because i do really really trust my husband.. and i am really confident in myself that he won't do that to me. the problem is she has 2 kids with her 2 bfs and we feel really bad for her kids so whatever that we can help, we do help her out. she called, she sent yahoo massenger, she came over to talk ,but these were all behind my back and i won't know unless my husband didn't tell me. and again i don't like it that she calls and yes i talked with my husband about it -- he told me that he feel like i am being selfish to her, i don't want to help her.. he just want to help - that is just the way he is- he feel his ex-wife has life like this because part is his fault. i don't really understand that,but be a little reality with me though. people with a brain, 2 arms, 2 legs cant take care of herself and her kids .. she had government helping. she has free daycare to take care of her kids. she could get a job,but she chose not to because she want to use government money-- is this a kind of person that i should be helping?
by the way- she called 3 days ago that she is moving to duplex and since she knows nobody -- she wants my husband to go help her with moving stuffs-- hey if he wants to help, go ahead.. then yesterday called again asking my husband to find her moving boxes so we drove around looking for boxes for her,but with no luck so we ended up bought couple boxes from u-haul for her. today called again asking if she can do laundry at my house because she has no money and she had load of dirty clothes to wash? be honest to you.. i don't feel like i want this lady come over my place so no money -- okay i gave you $20 you should have plenty of money to do laundry and hey not just that called back again asking whether she can have detergent,too? sure we can buy that for you... 5 min later sent yahoo massenger asking for couple cigaratte? okay sure!! why not! then after all these thing that we just did today for her she sent message said that " you wife must see me as a threat. i don't know why. im not a home wracker. we were married, now we were divorced, no going back- just friends. i guess it is a woman thing..lol" how can this stuffs happen to me and now im just don't know what i should do so please someone help me.. loads of dirty clothes to be wash? be honest to you.. i don't feel like i want this lady come over my house so [/FONT]

[jns]

Your husband's ex is a user of people. Maybe that is one of the reasons they are divorced. It sounds like your husband wants to take care of her like family and loves her like family. Is he generous with your family, also? It may be that he feels obligations strongly, even ones that he maybe should have gotten rid of a while ago.

It sounds like you will have to talk with him and remind him your home is your domain as much as if not more than his and as such, he should make decisions that don't interfere with your control of your home.

[rhiannon34]

Both of these people are disrespecting you and disregarding your feelings. They sound like users, so wouldn't be a big surprise. But, you married your husband knowing he was cheating on his girlfriend with his ex wife and this is all a big surprise to you? If talking to your husband about it does no good, then your only other alternative is to leave them to their chaos.

[WildChild]

They are playing a little game with each other. Unfortunately you are the unwilling player in the middle between them and so was the old girlfriend.
As I understand it, the children are not your husband's children?
This woman is manipulative and controlling and your husband is putty in her hands. There isn't a lot you can do, he has to put a stop to it. Be politely distant and step aside, let him do all the running around at her call.