[takaris7]

If she wouldnt talk about it in previous couseling, why would she now? But maybe she has seen "the light" and wants to change? We dont know, you dont know, only she knows. And if she can't comminucate about it, then it'll be hard to figure out. Just saying to do it, and get it out of the way...that's not what sex is about. Maybe she was abused or has past problems and really hates sex, but you have needs too. She's full of excuses for sure. If she can't confront what the problem is, why she has issues with sex, then you will not be happy. For you it is important, and not "just doing it". I would rather be celibate than to 'just do it'. Especially since you've been through couceling before and it didnt help these problems. And IMO it does sound fake, that she thinks by agreeing she'll get back to 'normal life'. She is right, there are more important things to do, a relationship can go on without it; but that is not what you want in your life for a relationship.

You are right, that is exactly how I feel. I would rather be celibate than to "Just do it." Yet for some reason, thinking like that and even acting like that makes me feel guilty...like I am doing something wrong. I want to think about myself but for some reason it feels so hard...(Am I co-dependant? Is that what it means?) I want normal sex, I want average sex, I don't want to beg, I was someone to think I am sexy.

Thing it I think I have become so resentful and "uninterested" that I just don't care what she does.

[takaris7]

Doesn't seem like it's just your imagination - seems like she's trying to do the very minimum she can to keep you around, and it sounds like maybe her mother told her "The only thing men are interested in is sex, so you can control them that way." So even though she plainly doesn't like it, she's thinking you will!
It's absolutely normal, and I'd go so far as to say, any normal person should feel that way under the circumstances.
I not only would, but, being in a very similar situation, I *DO* feel that way.
I know exactly what you mean; and I have turned down the "pity sex" on more than one occasion this year. Every time it was offered, that is, which thankfully wasn't very often.

I unfortunately can't suggest anything helpful, other than that you seem to have the right idea, about a trial separation.
I would say this: go consult a lawyer BEFORE you do it to assure that she won't later be able to accuse you of "abandonment" during some further divorce action that might (as seems likely) ensue.
Best of luck to you;
- TR

I have had some serious issues with my job recently and I have pretty much kept her insulated from what was going on but I finally told her that I might lose my job.. (40% possibility) ..but I had a plan that might just hold us over until I found a new one....what she said when I told her really wasn't a surprise....because there is no way she could ever support me during this hard time...

But she often lets the truth slip out when talking...She said "I don't want my nice life to change" ... for some reason that seemed to bother me. Was she talking about me personally or just what I provided financially?

[sourpuss]

Did you ask her what she meant by that? I would. And I would ask it straight out. "Honey, what did you mean when you said you don't want your nice life to change?" Don't plant the finanical/you thing, just ask, you'll probably get the truth.

[pretzel]

Did you ask her what she meant by that? I would. And I would ask it straight out. "Honey, what did you mean when you said you don't want your nice life to change?" Don't plant the finanical/you thing, just ask, you'll probably get the truth.

He could ask but I have a feeling what she would tell him wouldn't coincide with his own interpretations. I also get the feeling that she may just say enough to appease him without being totally honest.

[WildChild]

She may not know what she means when she says that. It may encompass such a fantasy; a sexxless relationship, a man who leaves everyday, goes away someplace and brings back money, she cleans and does 'woman's' work and we all pretend everything is good...

[takaris7]

She may not know what she means when she says that. It may encompass such a fantasy; a sexxless relationship, a man who leaves everyday, goes away someplace and brings back money, she cleans and does 'woman's' work and we all pretend everything is good...

She often says that I stress her out when I ask her questions about our relationship and sex. She says she does not trust me, she wants to be left alone....she will blame it on one of her many medical conditions or "it's just not the right time, place or feeling."

She will say that "She does not want to lose the house or .... what will her step-mother and father think." It will never be that she will miss me or this is not what she wants. I have this feeling of resentment built up over the years because of the things I have experienced with her. They grew over the years until I was hit over the head with a brick the last year or so.

She tells me she understands how I feel but I don't believe it. I feel like the moment she provides me with the rare intimate contact she will feel " that was enough" and it will go back to the way it was. I will then struggle from the bottom to get some recognition with her all over again.