[natu88]

My issues to be exact. I am 21, engaged for 2 months after dating my love for almost 2 years. My fiancé, 28, himself is a wonderful well-rounded guy. He supports me, makes me laugh, balances me, and loves me fully. So I should have no problem, really.

Today however, my built up emotions came out, and I told him that I'm hurt that he's been married previously, that he's kissed so many women, and had sex with more people than me. These are things that I view as more meaningful than he's treated it in the past. I feel that his patterns of behavior in the past are not always the wisest choice to me, and he is getting married to me exactly 3 years after his divorce. If I look at it on a timeline, it makes me feel hurt and saddened. However, if I see it from the way he treats me, looks at him, kisses me, I don't feel any of that. I feel invigorated and that everything is wonderful.

Is it normal to have acceptance issues when newly engaged? What can I do to convince myself that the past is in the past, and I just have to deal with it? He says he feels really hurt by what I told him I felt, and now I feel even worse...

[lizzardb63]

I have similar feelings. My boyfriend has done things sexually that I haven't and has been with more women than I have been with men, but just remember, this happened long before he knew you! Everything happens for a reason, every word out of people's mouths, every experience, every single thing in life has a reason. All those things and words and actions that have reasons led him to you. Maybe if he had done things differently, you wouldn't be marrying the man of your dreams. Besides that, what's done is done, he can't change the past so you'll have to try and get past it. I get a little emotional when I hear or think of things my boyfriend has done with other women, but I remind myself that he loves ME. He isn't doing that anymore, he would never cheat on me, and loves me greatly, so why am I worried about something that's over. He loves you and wants to marry you!! Be happy!! It's an exciting time in life and don't let the past haunt you. Everyone has made mistakes. Its all a learning experience. If you have hard feelings about the date from his divorce, change your date! simple as that.

[natu88]

That's a really good way of looking at it. He probably wouldn't be the person I fell in love with if he still had those lessons to learn and didn't have those experiences to mature him and make him more understanding. I'm glad I'm not alone in these kinds of thoughts, but having this perspective will def. help me be more accepting. Thank you!

[lizzardb63]

Anytime!

[lizzardb63]

Oh and as far as him having a previous marriage, believe it or not, past relationships whether married or not basically teach you what you really want in life. So think of it this way, she was his practice dummy and now YOU'RE THE REAL THING You should be flattered! lol

[SaraAnne2008]

I myself struggled with the samething. My husband now was married before me. We met a good 6 months after the divorce and I struggled alot with why he would marry someone (his x wife) only after knowing her two weeks (I myself was never married). I struggled with his mistakes. I got angry and frustrated alot because I was hurt that I guess in my mind I couldn't have been her and treated him better. Further down the road when it did come to him asking me to marry him I was mad that he bought her a $3,000. ring and I only got a cheap $100.00 one, I felt like I was not as important as her. However I was overwhelmed with my own thoughts. I went and spoke to some people about it at a local marriage counseling place. Basically they spelled it out, men make mistakes just like us woman make mistakes. We cannot go back and change their past even as much as we want to go back and change ours. Its something you have to accept in any and all relationships you come into that there will be bagage. However they made it clear there is a reason he is with me because he learned from his mistakes. Mistakes happen and we all have to grow from them. Him doing so was finding someone who is good for him and is not going to be a mistake. Not alot of men want to mess up the second time. Granted he slept with more people than you...however he is older than you. Just focus on you and him, don't worry about the past because its the past, and no matter how bad you want it to be changed you cannot. Its an uphill battle but I would recommend going to speak to someone so you aren't consumed with discust or whatever you may feel about his previous relations. I wish you the best of luck because I myself have been there and its a female thing I think...we tend to over think things .

[calicogirl]

just remember that and EX is an EXample of what he doesnt want. my fiance was married for a whole whoppin year and his ex wife is crazy. she always tries to jump into our lives and you just have to roll with it. Those feelings will go away. My man has slept with WAAAAAY more women than i have men and all you can do is joke with him about it and make sure that you dont fall into any insecurities because of it. He wasnt with you at the time and if he'd met you earlier then he probably wouldnt have gotten married or slept with all those women. Just keep your head up and remember that he loves YOU and i guarantee he isnt thinking about anyone else that your uncomfortable with.