[respectstepmoms]

No he pays all the house bills he is a very responsible person with bill but I pay for all grocerys loan notes misc gas entertainment and any extra carricular anything thats not house lights water cable phone insurance he pays. I have said I have been in a seperate room all last week. This week he has been very consistent with trying to get me back in our room. He is very pushy when it comes to what he wants and to me no matter how much I talk about how I am feeling he dont listen it just goes back to what he wants regardless of how I feel. That makes me crazy same as when he makes decisions against me once he does he just thinks everything should be normal I just should get over it with out any feelings. He says he is really going to try to make joint decisions and be more respectful but im very scared to get my emotions all in it to be disappointd again

[CHANDLERS WISH]

So he likes to have everything his way, he has no comprehension on what female emotions are at all, he doesn't like to deal with those, hasn't had to, but has stated that he will try to make joint decisions.

I don't know how old you both are but he sounds very set in his ways, and only says things to "pacify" you...

Apart from his child, what other things bug you with him whereby you try to get that across but he just ignores your pleas, emotions?

If he's set in his ways and won't see a marriage councellor to work through this so you can be two people, in one, as souls, in understanding of each other and be able to communicate and work through issues, it will be hard to change him..

How do you two broach the subjects as they occur, with arguing, with demanding, or with calmly sitting down and trying to talk through the issue at hand?

CW

[respectstepmoms]

Sorry I havent been on in a while had a death with a dear friend, Thanks for all the advice I did Look up the information on dr. Phelans 123 CD seems interesting. My struggle is not the child be willing to change its the parents not willing to change to help the child. We dont have problems really in day to day because we dont have nothing that goes on in our lives any more unless its something I am doing for him or about the child and the ex's wants and needs. I did move back into our room a week ago after much conversation and promises, once again he promised he would talk things out and make a joint decision together and again as soon as something came up about the child it was the same old thing he never cared or heard me he just done what he wanted after promising again not to. It seems I live with a man that hates a liar but thats all he does. Then he thinks once he does it im just suppose to get over it and not have any emotions about it. You know its over some stupid things but its not about the things how big or small its about the relationship and broken commitments and promises. I have tried and tried to make this right and yes we did go to counseling a couple of time but like always he picks what he wants to use out of it and dont hear the rest. Its unfortunate but I dont think the kid can ever change because I dont think the parents will ever change. Its like they like playing the game no matter who they destroy in the process. I think 40 is too old to be laying games like this. He loves his son but its almost like he is obsessed with him. I dont know I just cant figure it out. Im trying to hang in there but I just cant help but see myself getting further and further away from caring anymore. Granted thats not what he wants he wants the best of all worlds and he does say how much he loves me and how amazing of a woman and wife I am but he has no problems with disappointing me and betraying our relationship over and over. To me thats not love and I am huge on respect. I make no decisions that may disrespect him or take away from our time. I always think of his feeling and needs first but I seem to always be last on his list.

[respectstepmoms]

So he likes to have everything his way, he has no comprehension on what female emotions are at all, he doesn't like to deal with those, hasn't had to

This Is It!!! Chandler Wish you tagged it, I dont know how I didnt realize this. See his mom left when they were small kids and he lived with his dad, she was gone 3 years then they seen her every other weekend. He was a daddys boy he was the oldest, all boys, He was a great athlete. His dad remarried and showed no respect or care for his wife, my husband did the same with his 1st wife and now me. Your right its as if he has never learned or tried to learn how to respect and care about womens feelings. He has used many for just a sex act never caring or thinking of how or what they felt or wanted from it. With me he does say this is the first time he has truly been in love and he does make love to me it has great emotion and he has never had that in the past. But outside of there I dont see the same. Its like I married one man and he is really another. He does things and after he does it has no empathy or concious about it at all, like he did nothing wrong or like chandler wish said like he has no idea what it feels like. He is happy as long as I always do what I do and go along. Not disagree or get upset when he goes against me. Im at a place I know my marriage could be alot worse but I am losing all respect for him everytime we go through this, he almost disgusts me now. Does any of this make sense or does it sound right. He says his mom not being there didnt effect him he didnt need her. Could this behavior be how he was effected by her not being there?