[lovesucks]

I just found out my husband has been seeing a women on and off for a year now . I found text messages on his phone and called the women who by the way is 21 and I am 33 . I asked her if they have had sex she said yes I confronted my husband who says they never had sex ( ya right) . It's not even a one night stand its a one year relationship we have only been married 4 years now . What do I do now I do not trust him at all and when I look at him all I want to do is punch him. Please help....

[sourpuss]

Is divorce an option for you? Do you have kids? 33 is young, you have plenty of time to start over and be happy and live your life in a positive way.

[Ashlee T.]

I, personally (and I know many who feel differently) do not believe that trying to reconcile after cheating is the right avenue. I think when one person goes as far as to hide an entire other relationship from their spouse for a year.....then it's time to face the reality that you don't have the man you thought you had. You didn't marry the man you thought you married. And the man you love, is the man you THOUGHT he was. Trying to reconcile after something like that, to me is a life sentence of punishment and hurt for the one who was cheated on (you, in this case) because you never fully get back that feeling you had before, that trust, that sense of feeling secure. And you deserve that.......without having to go through years of therapy and turmoil to get it. You deserve it.

Right now, you're angry and most of all you're hurt. Girl, any of us would feel the same way if we were in your shoes. What he did is HURTFUL, leaves scars, hurts your self esteem, leaves you feeling betrayed and on edge. What your feeling is normal and expected from someone who's going through what you are. Love doesn't suck, sweetie. Betrayal does. True love doesn't hurt like this.

Me? I'd pack my things (or have him pack his, whatever suits your situation) and be gone, no questions asked. And every day that I felt lonely and was second guessing my decision, I'd remind myself how lucky I was to find out after 4 years instead of 20, and how lucky I was for finding out before he brought home an STD, or got you pregnant (or got BOTH of you pregnant). This is your chance to have a happy life.......

[lovesucks]

sad

I have 2 very young kids I dont know what to do I have no job as I am a stay at home mom , no savings no nothing this relationship he had with this women was Mosley text messaging back in forth on and off in a year with a couple of visits she said they hardly talked but lately have started texting again . Thank you for your replys I cant tell anyone as i am to ashamed and embarrassed. I cant stop crying !!!

[Ashlee T.]

this relationship he had with this women was Mosley text messaging back in forth on and off

Except the sex.......right? Don't let yourself be in denial. You know the truth which is that your husband has been having both an emotional and physical affair with another woman. I know you're devastated right now, but do not defeat yourself by telling yourself that you cannot do it. I promise you that (and hopefully they read your thread) there are women here who have been in your position, with no money no job and children to take care of. But there is a way.

How old are your kids?

Do you have any family or close friends that live near to you?

[lovesucks]

My children are 3 and 1 , I have lot's of family but I just cant tell them what happened for some reason I feel like they might pity me and I just cant handle that right now.

[Ashlee T.]

It's understandable that you don't want their pity....but you do need their help. They are your ticket out as they are your family and I'm sure would do anything in the world to help you and your kiddos. Alot of women get in this situation and then use their financial situation as why they cannot leave. But that's not the case. If you've got lots of family, then you've got a place to stay until you get on your feet, you've got most likely free temporary daycare (plus I'm sure the kids will be with their dad some too). Then you can focus on finding yourself a job. In the meantime, if you divorce he will be required to pay child support, so you will not be doing it all on your own.

Are you afraid to tell them because you're not sure you want to leave him and know if you tell them then they'll hate him and think you're foolish for staying with him? There's nothing better than the support of family, and they may be just what you need right now to get you through this.

Has your husband actually admited to any of this or is he still maintaining his innocence?

[lovesucks]

He is sticking to his guns that he did not sleep with her he must think i'm stupid , I asked her she said yes but I did not need her to say anything I already new in my gut he did and I trust my gut feeling . He said he was talking to her because I play on the computer to much( I do)....( but I was not into computers when he went out and got her number at a club a year ago )it was just because when i was playing my game I felt happy. all day I clean , make dinner , take care of the kids and when he got home he sat on the couch and watched sports I use to bag him to come out to do family stuff he never wanted too I just stopped asking, then got into a online game for me it was a escape from my life for a bit i guess . I hate him for how he makes me feel . I hate him for breaking up our family . Tomorrow I am getting tested for everything , I am scared and so so so sad.

[Ashlee T.]

I already new in my gut he did and I trust my gut feeling

This is because you are a VERY smart woman.

I hate him for how he makes me feel . I hate him for breaking up our family . Tomorrow I am getting tested for everything

Again, you are a very smart woman. He can think you're stupid all he wants....a little naive housewife, but you're not. Not at all. And you've got two precious babies that need you more than anything else in life.

He said he was talking to her because I play on the computer to much

People who do bad things and have guilt on their conscious always look for an excuse so that they don't have to take responsibility for what they have done and continue to do. My ex told me it was because I was "too skinny", "not wild enough" (meaning I didn't do drugs), "wouldn't give him my ALL". Isn't it funny how someone who is sneaking, deceiving, and cheating you behind your back can at the SAME time be offended because you're not giving your "all"? The good part is, you're WAY too smart to buy into that. I know it's very frustrating and very sad for you. What were you supposed to do, work your butt off all day with the kids, clean, cook supper, then dance in front of him in the evenings and beg him to do something with you while he watches sports?

You have lots of people here to turn to. We are here to listen and give you the best advice/support we know how. We may seem like words on a screen, but we're real people with real lives and real stories. We're here for you!!!!!

[whit4488]

i totally agree with beautifuldisaster...i mean she hit it nail on...its hard to see outside of your situation right now, but my ex of 4 years DID CHEAT ON ME and DID BRING HOME AN STD...and i still left, and found new love...amazing amazing love...i did it all with the love and support of my family and friends, because no matter what, they always will love you and respect you and ACCEPT you as you are. FAMILY never turns their backs on you. be strong, and again follow your gut, you know you need to walk away from this marriage but your too afraid of what people will say or think or how you could even afford to make it on your own. ONE STEP at a time, you will be doing the right thing. time heals all pain, and soon again you will find TRUE love, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, someone who would never betray you. best of wishes