[Guest]

No, he's not having an emotional affair. Emotionally, HE'S CHEATING on you (not the same thing in my mind).

I don't want to repeat wht others have already said and i agree with what WC has stated earlier.

Have you considered counseling? For one or both of you? Together? Individually?

[Halle]

Thank you for your response, SA. I'm really interested in hearing what you think the difference is between an emotional affair and cheating emotionally (not sure if that's how you'd word it). I have most definitely considered counseling, and would encourage him to go as well. I don't think he sees a problem, though, so not sure if he would go.

[jns]

You are also right that meeting for coffee and Facebooking weren't the only things. Back when I found our phone bill, he said that he would stop texting her. However, it seemed that he resorted to hanging out at her work and continued to send messages back and forth on Facebook. My husband has always said to me that he has nothing to hide, and that I can look at his Facebook messages or texts whenever I wanted. So I did look at his Facebook messages, and although I never saw any flirtatious messages, I noticed that he was the one to instigate them and tell her how he looked forward to their next conversation.

It seems that your husband has found something that makes him feel worthwhile, in giving advice to this young lady who uses it in her personal relationships. Why does he need that, why doesn't he feel worthwhile otherwise? Maybe he should be on this forum instead, so he gives advice to people he will never meet or have private conversations with. Guys sometimes feel a need to help women in distress, or just needing some help.

[Halle]

I might agree with you if he was caring and helpful towards other girls and relationships, but he isn't usually. Don't get me wrong, he likes to help people, but he doesn't usually go out of his way to text, Facebook, and meet other people for their coffee breaks.

[Guest]

Thank you for your response, SA. I'm really interested in hearing what you think the difference is between an emotional affair and cheating emotionally (not sure if that's how you'd word it). I have most definitely considered counseling, and would encourage him to go as well. I don't think he sees a problem, though, so not sure if he would go.

To me, an "emotional affair" is a bit more mild...like a fling, testing the waters, grass is always greener. While "emotional cheating" is that he's all in. His cards have been played and he's going for it. Perhpas not physically, but mentally he already has.

I may be way off, and this is only my opinion, but to me, there is A LOT more going on here.

[stressed]

If she meant nothing to him he wouldn't get upset about it...

[Halle]

Since my husband and I had our discussion about the whole thing, I have found that he has been giving me lots of attention. I'm guessing that he's cut off the connection with the girl, and that he isn't trying to be secretive anymore. He's been coming right home after work in the morning to cuddle before I leave for work, and he's been asking me to go for coffee with him, rather than leaving me at home most of the time. I still think that counselling wouldn't hurt, though, because none of this changes the fact that he was overstepping his boundaries as a married man up until our conversation.

[Julietpinkrose]

Since my husband and I had our discussion about the whole thing, I have found that he has been giving me lots of attention. I'm guessing that he's cut off the connection with the girl, and that he isn't trying to be secretive anymore. He's been coming right home after work in the morning to cuddle before I leave for work, and he's been asking me to go for coffee with him, rather than leaving me at home most of the time. I still think that counselling wouldn't hurt, though, because none of this changes the fact that he was overstepping his boundaries as a married man up until our conversation.

Hi Halle,

I am glad to hear that things are looking up for the two of you, i think you are right about one thing, counselling would be a good idea ...

[Guest]

I am also very glad to hear that things have turned in the right direction. This does not mean that you shouldn't go for counseling. Frankly, I'd try it as a couple first and see how it goes. If he's really serious about "repairing" any damage that was done, counseling should be a peice of cake (as far as getting him to go).

Continued success.