[tooconfused4words]

He'll be back. Mark my words. He may think he is love with this woman. Perhaps he really believes that. I would tend to believe that he is mistaking love for infatuation. He is certainly infatuated with the fantasy they built around themselves, where kids (including child support) and bills and family obligations (including spousal support) and REALITY in general didn't exist. These things...and much more...are getting ready to crash around him. And lets face it...she may love him, but she hasn't had to deal with his dirty underwear on the floor. Affairs are based on fantasy, not reality. That is why the overwhelming majority do not work. There simply is no basis for it to work. He doesn't sound special enough to overcome the odds here. So prepare yourself a response...just in case...

[Allie602]

I have to agree with tc4w, I think he still loves you but has not been mature in handling his sexual frustration which sounds like the reason he is having the affair. What's normal for him is every day so knowing that, the compromise has to be somewhere between what you want and what he wants. If the compromise is once a month, it will not probably not work, for him at lest. The more mature thing would have been to tell you that the relationship was in jeopardy because of the sexual frequency. If after talking about it you could not come to an agreement then divorce would probably have been the next step.

But it really sounds like it is you he really wants to have sex and a relationship with, I think you are the person he wants to fill his emotional needs and his relationship needs. That's why he watching you so carefully, in a way, he seems to be telling you that if only you were sexual with him, he would have been content. Do you think that may be the case? Of course it is more complicated than that but, if all of the complexities could be worked out to each of your satisfaction and if there is enough love between you two, would you take him back and try to make your marriage work?

That would mean coming to an agreement to meet his sexual needs to a greater extent, if indeed that was a problem. You would have to work out what you need from him to be able to do that. You were many years together with two kids and he still wants only you it seems. Kind of a shame to let it go if there is a chance. The OW has got to be worried, she took a chance on a slim possibility that he would really want to leave his wife. The very best of luck.

[Ashlee T.]

This is the second time (that she knows about) that her husband has had an affair on her. This time, leaving her and their children and moving the new woman in with him. Only after the deed has been done he insults her, criticizes her, and indicates her "fault" in this by not being sensual enough or having sex as frequently as he liked...for "boring" him when she thought they had a good sex life. After the FIRST time he cheated and she took him back and agreed to work on the marriage, then if he felt like he still wasn't getting sex as much as he'd like then he could've talked to her, treated her like someone he values and loves, rather than deceive, betray, cheat and THEN come pointing fingers....AGAIN. If this were only about him wanting more sex, he could easily get more sex without moving someone n with him. There is more involved to this man than sex, and that's quite obvious. And what he's doing to the OP now, yanking her emotions around on strings? Jealousy doesn't equal love. Wanting what you don't have doesn't equal love. Wanting to keep someone on the string so you have a familiar comfortable spot to crawl into when your new fling fizzles out....... does not equal love. IMO, the absolute worst thing the OP could do for herself at this point is to take this man back.

[Allie602]

This is the second time (that she knows about) that her husband has had an affair on her. This time, leaving her and their children and moving the new woman in with him. Only after the deed has been done he insults her, criticizes her, and indicates her "fault" in this by not being sensual enough or having sex as frequently as he liked...for "boring" him when she thought they had a good sex life. After the FIRST time he cheated and she took him back and agreed to work on the marriage, then if he felt like he still wasn't getting sex as much as he'd like then he could've talked to her, treated her like someone he values and loves, rather than deceive, betray, cheat and THEN come pointing fingers....AGAIN. If this were only about him wanting more sex, he could easily get more sex without moving someone n with him. There is more involved to this man than sex, and that's quite obvious. And what he's doing to the OP now, yanking her emotions around on strings? Jealousy doesn't equal love. Wanting what you don't have doesn't equal love. Wanting to keep someone on the string so you have a familiar comfortable spot to crawl into when your new fling fizzles out....... does not equal love. IMO, the absolute worst thing the OP could do for herself at this point is to take this man back.

I didn't read through the tread carefully enough I am going to have to agree with BD. I did not see the first cheating and the abusive things he said. Sorry, I retract what I said. He is too flawed and self ceneterd. Let him go if you want avoid more misery. I still think he wants you above anyone else but, too bad for him, he is not a good enough man for you of your kids, given all you have been through. Knowing that you should feel more confident and be able to move on. But not without looking at your role as well. It might be small but always good to examine and improve your relationship abilities so you don't take baggage with you. Still wish you good fortune.

[Ashlee T.]

I didn't read through the tread carefully enough I am going to have to agree with BD. I did not see the first cheating and the abusive things he said. Sorry, I retract what I said.

WHEW! I have read enough of your posts to be somewhat familiar with you Miss Allie, and when I read this one, given all the circumstances, I thought you'd been HACKED! LOL!!!! Thanks for clarifying. This is a long thread with lots of updates and posts, so it's totally understandable to miss pieces here and there.

[Allie602]

WHEW! I have read enough of your posts to be somewhat familiar with you Miss Allie, and when I read this one, given all the circumstances, I thought you'd been HACKED! LOL!!!! Thanks for clarifying. This is a long thread with lots of updates and posts, so it's totally understandable to miss pieces here and there.

You are so funny. I was taken over by my evil clueless twin actually. I just read the last few and not the beginning before I posted. When I read it over I thought holy molly, what am I saying - thanks so much for pointing it out I never would have known. It is so common for the deceived spouse to look for a shred of hope to stay in the situation, my post may have been the tipping point for her to try to stay with this man.

That will learn me to read the whole thing before jumping in!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I so love it when I can smile, ... Miss Allie, lol's BD... And your evil twin... mmm

I love what you wrote BD, it's to the point and precise....

You know, when someone is in the wrong and needs justification, they will ALWAYS blame the other person, it is their defense...

The grass is not always greener, and lust brings alot of sex, but at some point, that will tire and he will again be in a normal relationship but will it be loving? To what he had...

Please do not let a person do the blame game and believe it...

He has made his bed, let him lie in it, he is giving a false account as to why, he is a serial cheater, always wanting lust and can not be content with being in love, as he has no understanding of what that is...

He abuses, by putting you down and blamming you, it's called emotional abuse... Control to a degree, if you believe it's your fault, you may just hang around for him, and take him back... His second ticket, waiting, safety...

A one way ticket is what he needs and you....

CW

[tooconfused4words]

I want to clarify as well...I am not advocating a position that says sprucie should let him come back when he tries to come back. I sense that she is at a place where she thinks this relationship is over for him and I assert that he is not showing the signs of that. Watching her so carefully, inquiring of her friends about her and (God help him) breaking into the house...those are all indicators that this is not over. I just want her to be aware and be prepared. What she decides is up to her...I hope she does what is truly best for her, not for him. But I do believe the decision will ultimately be her's, regardless of what he is currently saying/doing.

[Ashlee T.]

How are you Sprucey? How are things going? Was thinking of you, your results, and all this morning.

[Ashlee T.]

Thinking about you Sprucey........hope you're well.