[Colorado]

I dont think he´s enjoying the boot being on the other foot!!

Good for you!

[sprucey]

well,heres the latest girls....he came to pick up our son last night,and I was dressed up ready to go out,I´d sorted him a few photos...which he´ll probably return today,and written a letter...not asking him to come back,just basically saying a few things I needed to get off my chest.I told him to wish me luck....which he´d said tome the first night she was over for the weekend a few weeks back(which I didnt know about,I thought he was going to work!) And he said that he hopes it would be worth it! Then he text me saying he´dread the letter and there was no going back,it was just the way things were,and to have fun! So i text him an hour later and said I didnt think he´d read the letter correctly as there was no way I would want a man that was so cold in my life,and that yes I´d have fun as it was now my turn.Gotone back straight away saying that he´d always been ´hot´with me and that I was always the cold one....turning everything around to sex as usual though that wasnt what I had meant.I was at my friends house so she helped me to ignore it thankfully....and at 1am,when hed usually be well asleep after working all day,Iget a text saying that I´d never change,no matter how many men I went to bed with,and ´good luck´ !!!!! Well i was fuming,my friend was delighted as she said it had obviously really got to him....and she made me turn my phone off. I dontthink he tried to phone or anything and thats the last I heard.He will be bringing our son back later and I´m pretty nervous to say the least.I will try to be cool and not rise to the bait,as I really dont want a slanging match about whos better in bed etc. Wish me luck!!!!

[Hopeless Dork]

Don't give him ANYTHING... by that I mean don't say where you were or who you were with -- its none of his business. Let him worry and wonder about the same what ifs that you've had to do and still have to do. I think although most people won't admit it... they want to feel in leaving you that they have devistated you, broke you.. that they held such a force in your life that without them you will fall apart... so don't give him that satisfaction sprucey. He has already taken enough from you, don't let him take your pride. Don't let him feel like he is such a God of a man that you will crumble with him gone.

Instead, hold your head up high... you did nothing to deserve this.. he's just a weak weak man that was unable to keep his promises to you, he definitely doesn't deserve the added ego-boost of feeling like he has you in a dark room pining away for him.

As much time as you have invested, as much as you have loved this man with all your heart... the truth is... he is not a special snowflake and is as replaceable as he found you to be. You can when you are good and ready find a man that is twice the man he was, is and ever will be. Someone that makes you laugh and smile.. but for now... you focus on you.

All the things that you wanted to do but didn't... All the things you ever wanted to accomplish but let fall by the way side... go after them with a vengence... busy your mind, busy your body and know that as much as you hurt today, you will hurt less a month from now, and so on. The trick is getting through the time heals all wounds making the best use of that time as possible.

[sprucey]

he bought our son back earlier,and our daughter had been round to see him too....he asked if I´d got his messages,I said yes,lovely words,he said why didnt you reply,I said I didnt want to enter into thos sorts of games so he left it...He asked if I´d had a nic night,I said yes....he´d been fishing earlier fromdaughter as to where I´d been!! She has seen a photo of the new woman and says yes,she is pretty...which hurts like ,but on the other hand,he´s no Brad Pitt so I cant see what the attraction is there...and I suppose the prettier she is,the more interest she´llget from other men when she gets over here.He´s obviously had his head turned and flattered that someone so good looking would be interested in him,well,good luck to him....he´ll have to work hard to hold on to that!

[Ashlee T.]

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words will never hurt me. A kiddie saying, yes........but one to live by, absolutely. When someone puts you down, insults you, tries to make you feel bad about yourself......it is strictly 100% about THEM. As hard as it is at this point, remind yourself of this and try very hard not to take his words personally.

I laughed when I read your post (the second to the last one) because it was so obvious that he's writhing with jealousy and insecurity. Just think, he leaves his family for another woman (not his first affair), and then when he realizes you're not sitting around waiting on him to return with open arms, he shows a bit of his fangs. He's selfish, inconsiderate, self serving.......

I know that by giving him photos and such, you're in a sense trying to make him realize what he's losing. But do not do this for him......continue letting him go and if he wants photo's he'll ask for them. Do not clean up his mess for him.

So now you've heard she's pretty (that certainly doesn't mean you're not..) and he's trying to make you feel like you didn't take care of him in the bedroom etc. This is all part of the battle. This is all part of it my friend. The farther down he can bring you, the uglier he can make you feel, the lower he can drag your self esteem........then the higher chance he has of crawling back into your bed when he's done with this one. You see? He doesn't want you dressing up and looking nice, he doesn't want you going out and enjoying yourself. Why? Because he KNOWS you'll quickly realize that single life is better than life with a cheater any day. He knows you'll quickly realize there is better out there for you, than him. So yes, he will try to drag you down in the gutter with him. And you, being the strong, levelheaded, intelligent, loving, passionate woman that you are.........have to stay strong and hold your ground.

[sprucey]

Hi all again...feeling pretty low tonight...this woman has been here 3 days now...still not seen her but its just a matter of time...he text the day after I arrived asking how I was and how things were...I replied..if theres any problem with the children I shall let you know,but whether I´m ok or not is no concern of yours...he replied...whats up,canI not say hello now! ha,laughable! He phoned today and is coming for the rest of his stuff I´ve bagged off and said,as I´m still the mother of his children he still wants to know how I am.God,how demoted did that make me feel...one day a wife and lover,the next just the mother of his kids!! So now I´m sat here just imagining them together and it hurts like crazy,even though I´mtrying to think of how badly he treated me.....really dont know when I´m going to start feeling any better,this is torture.......

[Ashlee T.]

Was thinking of you earlier today my friend....almost posted to ask how you were doing but I didn't want to seem pushy. Glad you came around to give an update.

Remember the lows we talked about? This is one of them. But for every low, there will be a high....and the highs will get better and better and the lows fewer and farther between. This low tells me good things about you. It tells me you're processing what's going on, you're acknowledging your emotions, and through these lows you'll learn so much about yourself and you'll gain such strength. Just as you think you can't take it....the morning comes with new light shining through the window to remind you, "I made it!".

Kudos in telling him you are none of his concern. Because that's true. He WANTS to hear that you're miserable, that you miss him, that you feel rejected....because he wants to feel like the prize. "Ahhh...see how bad she wants me now".

My friend, you have NOT been demoted. He is no king. He is a selfish man with no respect, with no moral compass. She is no queen, she is a mistress with no regard for her behavior. Neither of those two are a "catch". You, are the strong one, the loyal one, the faithful one, the protector, the mother who is providing a foundation for her children, who is providing an example for them. YOU are the one to be desired.......and you will see that in time. You are the winner here..having lost nothing that was worth keeping.

Do you like to read? Find some good books. I recommend "Eat Pray Love" if you haven't read it already. If so, "A New Earth" is a good one. I'm sure others here could give you some advice on some good books to read for inspiration during this time. I've found that no matter what I'm going through, reading something good takes my hurt away for a bit....preoccupies my mind with someone positive. When you're feeling low, read, write, invite a friend over to chat (I call that GIRL POWER time...when our girlfriends give us strength when we're down), dress up fix your hair and go somewhere for dinner with your kids or a friend. This will hurt like h-e double ll.......but then gradually it will pass.....and you'll see a new light.

Hang in there......today is a tough day.....it will pass. *hugs*

[sprucey]

Thank you so much for that...its so nice to know that theres someone out there rooting for me...especially when I´m feeling so lonely.I do like to read,but cant really concewntrate on anything at the moment...I did go to a quiz night tonight with a friend,but my mind was elsewhere all the time.Hopefully I´ll wake up stronger tomorrow.And I do really want to trry and be strong and happy infront of him when he comes by tomorrow...but on the other hand I dont want him to think,ah well,look,shes over it already,should have done this ages ago,because then he will have no real idea of the hurt hes caused,which I know he probably wont ever understand until it happens to him,if it ever does.My emotions are just ranging from such extremes to another,and I so so want to feel normal again.Thank you again for your reply.

[Ashlee T.]

I can see what you're saying there. But the looking good and feeling good is for your pride.......it's not for him. He's far too selfish to see you depressed and hurt and say "Oh my look at what I've done to her" ....because then he'd have to acknowledge in his own mind that what he's done was wrong. And he's smart enough to know he devastated you....whether you look devestated or not. The best for him, is to see you look good and act content with where you are so that he knows this world does not revolve around him, so he knows you're not going to take him back this time.

Don't you worry, you're handling this like a champ. This shows his true colors....and yours as well. And lets just say, his colors aren't lookin too good. You on the other hand...are just proving what an amazing woman you are. One of our other posters "Just Hormonius" was just posting on one of her threads today and was telling someone that when she found out her husband was cheating, she left without question in her mind as to what was right for her.......she started a new life and in 5 years she met the man of her dreams, the man she's still with and adores to this day. There are brighter days ahead for you!!!

[tooconfused4words]

Living well is the best revenge! Look good, feel good...and fake it 'til you make it! You may have to "act" like you are doing well now...but it will NOT always be that way! You will get stronger everday!