[imported_scastlemun]

MY name is scastlemun, I know my husband has cheated several times. I no longer have any desire for him, but we have children. any suggestions would be appreciated.

[AFemaleProdigy]

I am a firm believer that once someone cheats, that should be the end of it... kids or no kids. You will never get that trust back and you may be able to forgive, but you will never forget. Life is too short to settle for anything less then respect and happiness. Plus, staying in an uhappy relationship will directly effect your children. You can pretend to be happy, but they will pick up on it. And the sad fact is that you would most likely break it off down the road anyway. If you want your children to be happy, then you have to be happy. Sure, the initial shock of the parents breaking up is tough, but in the long run... it will be better for all of you. Plus, who's to say he won't cheat again?

[imported_gecko4ever]

From experience...I believed my husband was cheating and thought, "I'm done." We have three beautiful kids together and I figured, once a cheater, always a cheater. And it holds true. If I knew then what I know now, I would stop and think twice about divorce. There is a bigger picture. There is more to your life than a cheating husband. There are kids involved and no matter what anyone says, me included, they are the bigger reason. If you haven't tried counseling, try. Many times I regret the divorce because of the kids. They are the most important thing in my life. I would do anything for them, including stay in a loveless marriage.

[imported_princess]

Gecko4ever, what you said was really sweet! You seem like you would put your children before yourself in any way possible!! Divorce is a really difficult thing for the husband, wife, AND the children!! Counseling seems like a good idea. It's worth a try!

[imported_coppertop83]

Positive Change

I have never been put in this kind of situation. However, I have seen first hand the effects, through family and friends.

Its great that you are trying to think about your kids, your self, and your husband; and the effects it will have for the family. Depending on the situation, couseling seems like the first step. Personally, I would find it hard to recover from such an event; trust is something once lost is hard to get back.

The one thing I want to say that hasn't been said yet: Just as much as you want to see your kids happy, and healthy they want the same for you. You have the right to be happy, and if you're happy you will be more able to provide a happy environment for your children. Kids are very perceptive and if they see that you are not happy, they probably won't be either.

If you can work through this and be happy, great! That is setting a great example for your kids. But so is being able to be strong enough to make a positive change, whatever that may be.

[imported_blueeyeblondesweetheart]

I am sorry but if it takes a divorce for you to be happy then why not.Don't some of you realize that if the parents are unhappy the children will be unhappy?If you have no desire or respect for him anymore then why be unhappy.Loving yourself is not being selfish to your children.Do you want you children to think it's ok to live an unhappy life or that it's ok to cheat on your spouse?If my husband cheated on me I would never forgive him and that woukld be that.Your children should always have their father but that doesn't mean you should have to stay with a lousy husband.You deserve better so love yourself too.Hope this helps.

[imported_patricias213]

cheating

i totally agree with blueeyeblondesweetheart, i think if hes cheating leave him,especially if u are not happy with him, he can do it again. if my husband cheated on me, which is one of my biggest fear i will leave, it will hurt me but then i would think he dont love me , if he did he would not cheat on me.

[jpm]

what if he cheated you only once?Does he deserves a second chance? everybody say that it's so easy to forgive but very difficult to forget.But if you are not happy w/ him anymore leave! that's it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

MY name is scastlemun, I know my husband has cheated several times. I no longer have any desire for him, but we have children. any suggestions would be appreciated.

It is natural that you would no longer have a desire for a man who you openly know cheats on you on an on-going basis.

And, it appears that he knows that you know, yet, he i assume comes home every night and has his dinner put in front of him, on the table.

He plays with the children and is able to enjoy that aspect to of his life.

He cheats and plays around as you are no longer there emotionally for him.

Surely both of you feel un-comfortable in this situation. Surely apart from no desire, you feel some form of anger, pain every time you make that dinner and give it to him.

I hope and pray everyone in life looks deep before that word DIVORCE enters their brain and they act on it.

It is natural that you would no longer have a desire for a man who you openly know cheats on you on an on-going basis.

And, it appears that he knows that you know, yet, he i assume comes home every night and has his dinner put in front of him, on the table.

He plays with the children and is able to enjoy that aspect to of his life.

He cheats and plays around as you are no longer there emotionally for him.

Surely both of you feel un-comfortable in this situation. Surely apart from no desire, you feel some form of anger, pain every time you make that dinner and give it to him.

I hope and pray everyone in life looks deep before that word DIVORCE enters their brain and they act on it.

Sorry pressed submit before finishing...

I am in much doubt that you can forgive and definately not forget.

And, it is not clear as to why this all happened or when or how long.

Perhaps, talking to him first away from the children quietly and openly even if the outcome is that there simiply is nothing left for you both, but to at least establish some form of closure and a pathway that you both can be acceptance of, for you both and your children would be a good start.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Haha, let necro'd threads die..