[hppacific]

(edit) what if you were the one gaining weight and your husband was saying these things behind your back??? i honestly feel bad for your husband. you married him for LOVE not looks correct??? if not i dont think he shouldve married you. another thing there is probably a REASON he's gaining weight its not INTENTIONAL. hes not gettin bigger just to put you off. its not his fault and i am just so baffled that all of you WOMEN are being so insensitive to this when women complain all the time about being fat and gaining weight n blah blah blah. it seriously just blows my mind that you guys would act this way towards someone. especially his WIFE. (edit) poor guy probably just needs a hug or he's filling a void in his life where his wife isnt acting on and hes filling it with FOOD. very sad

[KMonte85]

wow hp.. a bit defensive. I guess I don't understand your disgust with wanting your SO to be happy and healthy. No one here said that he was gaining weight intentionally, nor did anyone say that it wasn't because of deeper issues, but you say we're being insensitive and need a clue. I think that's unwarranted. I also think its unwarranted that you have placed sole blame for his weight gain on his wife...

poor guy probably just needs a hug or he's filling a void in his life where his wife isnt acting on and hes filling it with FOOD. very sad

I mean, yikes! We are the owners of our life choices, deflecting blame on others for our own bad decisions (such as your emotional eating example) accomplishes nothing.


Yes, I'm sure the OP married her husband out of love. But if the man gained 60 lbs and isn't taking care of himself, that is cause for concern for any spouse. The health risks associated with being obese alone are enough of a reason to address this with your loved one. Although I still believe it needs to be handled with care... as you've said yourself, women do complain and are insecure about weight. I can't say I would want my SO to walk up to me one day and tell me I'm so fat it's affecting his attraction for me. However, a discussion about making healthier lifestyle choices for EVERYONE in the household is not out of line. That way, no one is singled out as being the fatty who needs some help, and they can work together as a team to become healthy - a far more successful scenario than pointing out someone's buddha belly and telling them to get rid of it.

[hppacific]

ok all im saying is if a man posted this about his wife he would get jumped with negative comments calling him an insensitive pig and blah blah. i think u should reread the post she said she was concerned with his health but then puts two examples of "health concerns" that had NOTHING to do with actual health concern. it seriously just blew my mind. especially the women that were saying to give it to him bluntly, weight is a sensitive subject regardless of whether youre a man or woman, and i dont honestly think that if this were vice versa that it would be the same answer. i just think if u look at this post non biasly its saying something more. and it just kind of hurt my feelings that someone that truly is concerned or loves this other person would say these things with so little sympathy and if my fiance said these things behind my back so roughly with no easing into it with a shade of kindness i would just be so hurt. and thats what i read and i seriously felt bad for this guy.

[hppacific]

Although I still believe it needs to be handled with care... as you've said yourself, women do complain and are insecure about weight. I can't say I would want my SO to walk up to me one day and tell me I'm so fat it's affecting his attraction for me. However, a discussion about making healthier lifestyle choices for EVERYONE in the household is not out of line. That way, no one is singled out as being the fatty who needs some help, and they can work together as a team to become healthy - a far more successful scenario than pointing out someone's buddha belly and telling them to get rid of it.

and what u said she already posted that its "impossible" to start eating healthier ect ect. and i agree it ABSOLUTELY should be handled sensitively. but no one was saying that. they're like "be blunt" blah blah blah.

[stressed]

they're like "be blunt" blah blah blah.

That's because men tend to say over and over again that "they don't take hints". Which I find very true. Nothing wrong with being blunt = honest, it doesn't work otherwise for several people.

[SaharaJim]

HP I understand what you are saying ( I think); but here I think we come onto the old "double-standard". Women are "judged' differently than men in many people's eyes. A man who is overweight is not considered totally without value the way a fat woman seems to be judged. Men tend not to place their "sense of self-worth" on their physical appearance. We tend to place it on macho things like "earning potetial"and material possessions. So telling most men that they are "overweight" does not have the same emotional impact and rejection of worth that telling a woman the same thing seems to have. Also men tend not to listen and "discount" such criticisms. So "getting through" to the posters husband may be more of a challenge; but it also has less liklihood of hurting his self-worth as telling your wife or girlfriend that they are "fat". Life isn't FAIR.

[whit4488]

my fiance was extremely overweight before i met him, weighing near 500lbs. he lost over 100lbs when he had a heart attack. he has diabetes because of his weight. we want children so i let him know im not bringing any children into the picture unless we both get healthy together. its only fair for our children to have a father who can keep up,and ride roller coasters with him/her. so we both have already set our new years resolution to get fit, because our lives depend on it. just let your hubby know all the health risks, and dont let him set bad examples for his children(if you have any)

[Awoman2]

I agree, weight issues are a very touchy subject. I think you should think about the way you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Being straight with him is one thing, but don't be cruel. Hurting his feelings could only make the situation worse all around.

And definitely, when you want someone to adopt a healthier lifestyle the best way to do that is to lead the way. You must both start eating healthier. You have to be right there, you have to be supportive. Isn't that what you'd want for yourself if you were in his shoes?

And hey, you can always add organic apple cider vinegar to his daily regimen. It really helps with weight loss, I've used it, and it helps with your health all around.

Good luck to you and your hubby.

[cashybum]

(edit)

I love my husband very much (most days) and I tell him that often. Even at the current weight I find him attractive when he's taken the time to shower, shave, brush the dip off his teeth... I'm pretty easy going about most things but when there is a compilation of things which in this case are problems sleeping, snoring, affects are sex life, we have a very impressionable 2 year old son, clothes don't fit him.. and then yes.. there are days where he looks like an unattractive fat slob. I'm not saying I look like a princess everyday and if the situation were reversed, I would respect his opinion enough to loose the weight.

[Hopeless Dork]

I think that if the OP wants , truly wants her spouse to lose weight... she should get on board and support him. By support I don't mean cheering him on from the bleachers to eat that lettuce, while not doing the same thing herself. I read 'eating healthy wouldn't work for our family' and right then and there got the feeling this may be a case of unrealistic expectations going on there. 1. Eating healthy can and should work for any family. There are healthy alternatives to everything and if its portions you're worried about-- i suggest not making more than what is necessary so that extra helpings isn't even an option.

Having only healthy foods in the house, not bringing in junk, setting an example, making sure there are good healthy and convienent choices in the house is going to set him up for success. Promoting activity you guys do together is going to set him up for success.

Keep in mind that telling him he's fat and its making you miserable isn't likely going to make him go 'oh, i never knew that... let me diet right now'..telling him his weight is /will affect his health won't be a newsflash to him. I'm sure he is aware what those 60 pounds are doing to his body. If you talk about it... come at it with concern for him, not yoruself or how his weight makes you feel sexually etc... belittling someone rarely makes them want to change.. and in fact can become a control issue to where the opposite of your desired result is achieved.

Practice what you preach, you want him healthy and losing weight ... be active and eating healthy yourself, set an example.. if you think its too hard to eat healthy, how do you expect him to do it?

Also is he depressed? Is he extremely stressed out? Is he using food as an escape from reality? Could he have some underlinging medical condition that has brought about the sudden weight gain? The snoring and the being tired, at his weight.. *could* be a symptom of sleep apnea... he should see a doctor about that... 1. Its a very dangerous condition and 2. Not getting adequate sleep can contribute to his gaining weight.. feeling tired and sluggish and attempting to nourish his body with all the wrong things.