[laulau]

Guys,

Haven't been on here in a while... I have just been to stressed to sit down and just read and type...

My husband and I have been married for one year and a bit, together for 2 and a half. As always when a relationship starts the going is good... But over the last while things took a bad turn.

The most recently my husband punched me in the face and in the back of the head leaving with a bruise on my face and lumps on the back of my head. That was about a month ago and we have booked an appt to see a counsellor next weekend.

However, I was in an abusive relationship before and it took me 2 and a half years to leave that man... he was horrible. I am worried that the same will happen again maybe not in one year or two but later in my life.....

Any thoughts that anyone has to offer me would be really appreciated. Thanks....

[Guest]

YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP AGAIN..... Call the police....file a police report....document what happened. DO NOT allow your abuser the privilege of you staying with him....leave now...today.

YOU DESERVE BETTER !!

No man should ever strike a woman for any reason...ever...period!

Start packing...

Strong words from a man who feels very strongly about it.

[laulau]

Thanks seeker! I know what you say is true... I need help to make the jump. I am only 26 and married... thinking it was going to be forever and it's looking like it's not going to be. Living in another country family is on the other side of the planet. I think i just need to hear everyone in the world tell me to leave.... and someone to give me hug!

[WildChild]

Sweetie what do think of as abuse?
Does he have to leave you bleeding and in the hospital?
You don't have to worry about whether you will end up in another abusive realtionship - You are in an abusive relationship.
You do need to see a counselor, for yourself, to help you learn to recognize this and get out.
Why are you still there?

[jns]

Hugs and I agree with SA, you should leave, the punching makes the situation unmendable.

[laulau]

Thanks for all the words here guys! I have taken them all on board.... I am ringing my best friend tomorrow and i'm going to ask for help.

[WildChild]

Good !!!
Be Careful!!!
More women are killed or badly hurt when leaving an abusive relationship than any other time.

[Hopeless Dork]

Well there are two types of men, ones that have it in them to hit a woman they 'love' and one's that wouldn't. He's demonstrated the kind of man that he is.... you've been through this before and long enough to know the cycle of abuse, the appologies, the I'll never do that again, you just made me so mad, why do you make me so mad... the honeymoon phase, being sweeter than anything you've ever known then the rapid decline... the whole walking on eggshells never knowing if it will happen again... ugh, you know its no way to live and its why you found the strength to leave the ex.

I was a teenager when I was in an abusive relationship, where the guy almost ended up killing me before I realized that yes, i did love him... but that no, not enough to die for him.

A non-abusive man may get heated enough to shove a woman then instantly realize how wrong that was and get a control of their emotions and not repeat... but generally a man that goes so far as to beat his wife about the head enough to bruise the face and leave bumps on the head... thats generally not going to be a once off. You staying reinforces in his mind that he can do it, you will be sad and mad, but in the end you will forgive and everything will be allright.. he can take comfort in the fact that if it happens again, more than likely you will still be there when the dust settles... don't allow him that.

If you are going to stay you need to make it clear that you are not going to accept physical pain as punishment from him. Demand that he get anger management, seek a therapist and if alcohol or drugs were at play... tell him he must seek treatment for you to stick with him. "im sorry, i won't ever do it again" isn't enough to make a woman feel secure and safe.. he needs to take actions to show he is truly sorry - talk is cheap.

[Ashlee T.]

You know your tendency is to allow abuse and then to find yourself in so deep you don't know how to get out. You realize that, and that's a HUGE start. Be thankful that punch didn't kill you....it most certainly could have. Count your lucky stars you've seen his true self now and do not waste not one more second in your life being abused. I'd be willing to bet if we knew the whole story, he's been either verbally or emotionally abusive, or both...too.

Yes, he may apologize. He may be sorry. But for a man to take his fist and punch his WIFE in her face..........well, that is a man that is NOT likely to stop being an abuser. And that is a man that doesn't love you. In most cases I encourage counseling. In yours, I say why waste your time? Regardless of what this counselor says and what your husband says, it will not change what he did to you. You will never trust him again. You will never feel safe with him again. And rightfully so. Get out. Your young, get out, get safe, and THEN get some counseling for YOU to work through this apparent flaw of co-dependency. You can live a life of and torture, possibly resulting in a brutal death.............or you can get out and make your own life, a happy peaceful safe one. I know which one I'd choose.

[laulau]

Guys you have written such powerful words... I have been given so much to think about. Hopeless dork and Beautiful Disaster thank you. You told me things I need to be told. To be honest it's what I already know.

HD said I have been in this kind of relationship before. HD I was a teenager also when I was with my last abusive partner. I am really surprised I have found myself in this situation again, well mainly disapointed in myself. Now to sound like a cliche 'he wasn't the same as the last guy' but seriously he wasn't. I am so confused... I am going to ring a good friend tomorrow and confide in a them. It sucks being on the other side of the planet! No friends and family is making all this really hard. To make matters worse they all love my partner think he is so great!

BD could you tell me more about codependency. I had a look online but I don't understand hoe it applies to my relationship.

I will be keeping your words close to my heart and head in the coming days!