[stressed]

I have to fully and wholeheartedly agree with CW (and I'm a woman who's been abused by an ex in the past and hit many times). That was NOT the case of an abusive husband or a man who won't hesitate to force his words/actions to his wife. It was a case of a man pushed beyond his limit, treated like an object and KICKED. The OP clearly states that she "kicked him a few times". Do you really expect a man to just sit there and take it by the woman he loves? I certainly wouldn't. The OP was disrespectful towards her husband from start to finish. He was treated like trash. I'm sorry, but that was an expectable reaction.

NOW, with that said and I'm talking to the OP:

- You are not sexually satisfied. Have you discussed this with him? Have you tried to work it out? Have you asked him to do what you want him to do more often? Does he know what and how you like it? If you have and there is no change, then you cannot expect him to change. Ever. He is the man he is, he's not going to turn into a super-lover if you force him and kick him. It's better to leave him than stay and remind him of how bad he is in bed.

- You NEVER hit your man. Ever. Break a glass, slam the door, scream, but never hit. You both seem to have temper issues and you need to work with that as well.

- You shouldn't think about whether you should leave because he slapped you after all this, but you should think if you should leave because you're unhappy in your marriage. Because that's what led you to behave like you did. And that brought even more trouble. Sit down with him and talk about your problems, what you're missing, why you are unhappy. If you can't live with this man anymore then you don't have to. But don't push things over the edge. Don't cause even more destruction because it's all too much to take. Just leave.

[WildChild]

We tend to get into arguments and he is
usually not very responsive during arguments which makes me feel helpless.

Last night, we
had such an argument over sexual matters where I felt that I can not sleep unless he
resolves and does what I needed him to do and hence I kept asking him to make an effort but
he kept telling me he is too tired to do anything now and we should wait till morning.
So I was shaking him to keep him from sleeping and ended up frustrated enough to force him
to have intimacy , the force did not work and he got angry and became more rigid and
ignored me endlessly and finally he said he will hit me if i did not let him sleep now.
and I kicked him a few times when he said that he
will go out of the house and I told him he should and that his anger is not going to
resolve anything, this time his anger will end everything and he is too selfish to
consider my feelings. This was when he slapped me and called me some names. I was too
shocked and I slept outside and I have been thinking of leaving him ever since,
He still does not think he did anything wrong, just keeps saying that I made him slap him
by not letting him sleep when he needed to and that he does not enjoy it but has to do it
to stop me , I think thats since there can be no excuse for slapping somebody.
Should I leave the marriage right away?

Frankly, I'd have slugged you or walked out for good and I'm not a violent person.
It sounds like you pushed him in every way possible.
You shook him, tried to deprive him of sleep.
Attempted to force sex on him - that is rape, doesn't matter which gender does it.
You kept the argument going when you were both tired - or at least he was.
You were going to have your way no matter what.
He should have left rather than slap you but you didn't know when to stop, didn't respect his limits, you abused him and attempted to rape him. Being female does not excuse you in these behaviors.

Get an appointment with a counselor, you need to learn better communication skills, limits, and acceptable boundries for disagreement. A good counselor can help the two of you learn how to negotiate and communicate your needs appropriately.
His behavior was wrong but to some degree understandable.
Your behavior was inexcusable.

[jns]

Frankly, I'd have slugged you or walked out for good and I'm not a violent person.
It sounds like you pushed him in every way possible.
You shook him, tried to deprive him of sleep.
Attempted to force sex on him - that is rape, doesn't matter which gender does it.
You kept the argument going when you were both tired - or at least he was.
You were going to have your way no matter what.
He should have left rather than slap you but you didn't know when to stop, didn't respect his limits, you abused him and attempted to rape him. Being female does not excuse you in these behaviors.

Get an appointment with a counselor, you need to learn better communication skills, limits, and acceptable boundries for disagreement. A good counselor can help the two of you learn how to negotiate and communicate your needs appropriately.
His behavior was wrong but to some degree understandable.
Your behavior was inexcusable.

I agree wholeheartedly. I also agree with stressed and CW. If the roles were reversed, then the course of action would be more clear for others. If she presses charges, then he should, too. I know that the justice system will not be on his side, though. He should have just left as that is what guys are supposed to do in such situations.

[imirritated]

I agree with CHANDLERS WISH's first post.

I have to ask, how old are the two of you?

[LanaBear]

Frankly, I'd have slugged you or walked out for good and I'm not a violent person.
It sounds like you pushed him in every way possible.
You shook him, tried to deprive him of sleep.
Attempted to force sex on him - that is rape, doesn't matter which gender does it.
You kept the argument going when you were both tired - or at least he was.
You were going to have your way no matter what.
He should have left rather than slap you but you didn't know when to stop, didn't respect his limits, you abused him and attempted to rape him. Being female does not excuse you in these behaviors.

Get an appointment with a counselor, you need to learn better communication skills, limits, and acceptable boundries for disagreement. A good counselor can help the two of you learn how to negotiate and communicate your needs appropriately.
His behavior was wrong but to some degree understandable.
Your behavior was inexcusable.

I agree wholeheartedly. I also agree with stressed and CW. If the roles were reversed, then the course of action would be more clear for others. If she presses charges, then he should, too. I know that the justice system will not be on his side, though. He should have just left as that is what guys are supposed to do in such situations.

I really cannot add anything more to what CW, Stressed, WC and jns have already stated.

He told you NO!!! I'm sorry, but NO MEANS NO. NO MEANS NO whether you are a MAN or a WOMAN, you should have respected that. You had no right to pester him and bother him to the point of getting physical with him.

[Ashlee T.]

Your treatment of him regarding sex is abusive. If he had posted here and asked what he should do, I'd have told him to cut his losses and divorce you.

But he has not posted here. You have. "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind". You were wrong in your treatment of him, but it does not justify him hitting you anymore than it would be justified if he hit you first, then you tried to force him to have sex with you as a result. The order in which they happened is irrelevant to me. Your behavior frustrated him to the point of slapping you. His behavior frustrated you to the point of being abusive to him. Both of you lack maturity in an extreme way. Honestly, would YOU want to have sex with you after that?

The title of your post indicates you were abused over an argument. What this tells me is that you truly do not see your behavior being as serious as his. It is. Hitting is not the answer. But neither is physically shaking someone to deprive them of their sleep so they'll have sexual intercourse with you.

Get yourself some counseling.......

[Colorado]

Ok, anyone who knows me knows that I get pretty upset whenever I hear about a woman or child being hit/abused...
I agree that there is never a reason to ever hit a woman - and I preface that with "unless your life is in danger". Now, was his life in danger? No...
Is there an excuse why he did this - No.
Can I understand why someone would be at this point and do so - yes... is it right? No.

Personally, I feel that (and forgive me for being blunt) you are the catalyst here - the abuser; and he should have removed himself from the situation long ago, and before it went this far. If you have been kicking, pushing, hitting, shaking him and such, I certainly would have left - long before I reached a breaking point and did something like he did... again - He is NOT RIGHT in doing what he did - not at all, but neither are you.

I whole-heartedly agree with CW on this one - you both need help with your aggression - it's not normal to be like that toward each other.

[unsuregirl]

Thanks everyone for their advice, Though everyone has been supprotive here, there is still one thing that I need to clarify. If I had even an iota of a thought that I was nowhere at fault then the situation would not have been confusing the out of me as I mentioned in the first line of my previous post. I do realize that I should have acted in a more mature manner and the only reason I acted the way I did was out of utter sexual frustration and an extreme sense of loyalty towards him. I told him plenty of times that night that I want nothing more than him right now. And no matter how tired or sleepy he was, I am still not able to justify his slap.
It has been more than 24 hours now and if I feel anything, its worse only. Neither did he think of apologizing for the slap. He believes it was correct and I provoked him into it. Well, I can't agree completely. I am not sure if one can be provoked to the point of slapping his wife if she keeps repeating that she wants him. I was not even verbally abusive. I only said he was being mean and selfish. I don't want to talk to him or touch him or look at him. I am not angry but tired, exhausted, humiliated and sad because I made a mistake by letting him go away it the first time when he twisted my arm, which was on our honeymoon. And that was the only time he had apologized for being physically abusive.
Had anyone else posted such a situation here, I never would have thought that they deserved to be slapped. Nobody deserves that unless they slap someone first. And ya, the same night when he slapped me, I went into the room after half an hour and slapped him. I am not a goddess. I don't want to be one.

[jns]

Thanks everyone for their advice, Though everyone has been supprotive here, there is still one thing that I need to clarify. If I had even an iota of a thought that I was nowhere at fault then the situation would not have been confusing the out of me as I mentioned in the first line of my previous post. I do realize that I should have acted in a more mature manner and the only reason I acted the way I did was out of utter sexual frustration and an extreme sense of loyalty towards him. I told him plenty of times that night that I want nothing more than him right now. And no matter how tired or sleepy he was, I am still not able to justify his slap.
It has been more than 24 hours now and if I feel anything, its worse only. Neither did he think of apologizing for the slap. He believes it was correct and I provoked him into it. Well, I can't agree completely. I am not sure if one can be provoked to the point of slapping his wife if she keeps repeating that she wants him. I was not even verbally abusive. I only said he was being mean and selfish. I don't want to talk to him or touch him or look at him. I am not angry but tired, exhausted, humiliated and sad because I made a mistake by letting him go away it the first time when he twisted my arm, which was on our honeymoon. And that was the only time he had apologized for being physically abusive.
Had anyone else posted such a situation here, I never would have thought that they deserved to be slapped. Nobody deserves that unless they slap someone first. And ya, the same night when he slapped me, I went into the room after half an hour and slapped him. I am not a goddess. I don't want to be one.

Both of you need to apologize for your actions to the other. Then you both need to agree to counseling. Then you both need to follow through on it.

No one deserves to be kicked. No one deserved to have their arm twisted. Probably the thing that set it all up was shaking him awake and threatening to not let him sleep. That alone probably put him into a fight or flight scenario. Isn't that what they do to POWs to get them to talk? But of course they restrain POWs so they cannot fight back.

If you two don't want to compromise, then the only thing to do is to end it.

[jns]

I agree that there is never a reason to ever hit a woman - and I preface that with "unless your life is in danger". Now, was his life in danger? No...
Is there an excuse why he did this - No.
Can I understand why someone would be at this point and do so - yes... is it right? No.

I have no idea if his life was in danger, but he could have thought a lot of things being brought out of a deep sleep the way he was. In such cases people can exhibit irrational behavior, even possibly insanity at least until their adrenalin returns to normal. Did he get a fight or flight reaction?

Further, we have no idea of the relative size and strength of the combatants. I have seen enough small skinny men married to very large and strong women with the woman being the one in charge, to know that what normally is isn't always the case. Yes, pound for pound, the guy is usually stronger due to nature, but size can still be the deciding factor as can conditioning.

Let's throw it out there: are women inferior to men physically in almost all cases? Can they hold their own or do they need to be protected?