[aprincess]

i started dating my future husband when he was still not over his ex finacee. i know it was wrong, and i got to see the consequences. what he basically did is (i think, he never admitted to it) still kind of talked to her
1.i opened his new laptop and msn messenger popped up with her email address. she obviously entered from his brand new laptop
2.found messages on his cellph.
3.when i decided to give it a break because of a jealousy attach he went over her place, and you know.
fast forward now we are married, but somehow i still had doubts and always wanted to check his cellphone. once, after we got married, another of his exes texted him that she was in town for a concert and wanted to meet him (she is married too. i told her on fb that i didnt appreciate her sending messages to my husband). his ex fiancee went raging over to him once at work saying that he hurt her by marrying me (note that they work together and she never knew he dated me)
last night, i found a new message. from another girl at work. he said "i still like u a lot. make sure u delete the messages" his excuse is that he wanted to be friends with her again (she has a bad reputation if u know what i mean-she slept with the guy that fills up the pepsi machine while being in a relationship) because she thought he hated her and so this message was reassuring that he still likes her despite of what she did and it's al just because they work together so he didnt want any conflicts.
i said, if u didnt want any conflicts, why didnt u tell ur ex fiancee that u were lying to both of us basically? he works with her too, u know.
and why does she care about his opinion? come on now.
i will have a talk with his mother. i seem calm now but i am desperate. i am such a nice wife and most likely that is the issue. i am too respectful. yet i dont get anything in return.
what do u guys think i should do??
i dont want to be a b*tch, because that is not me. i will not start drama at his workplace. he is responsible too. i think i will tell him i want time off. until he proves he can be a husband. it's hard to live with doubt. it kills me inside.

[Hopeless Dork]

The most important thing to recognize (and I believe you have by the way you said 'he's responsible too')... is that HE is the ONLY common element in all these women causing drama to your marriage. So you can email every last one of them (that you are aware of) and say...hey leave my husband alone... but you are not capable of emailing every woman in the 100 mile radius around your guy and ask them to please ignore him -- thing is... every where he goes, there he is. If he is insecure, or has ego issues... he's going to keep seeking reassurance in the form of other women being interested in him, whether he acts on it or not.

You can talk to his mom, you can talk to these women, you can give him ultimatims, but in the end you have to sigh... take a deep breath and realize that you, nor his mother, nor any one of his exes or other women he works with has any real control in what he decides to do in relation to being a good husband or not.

If you can't trust him, if you have good reason not to trust him... its going to take HIM to make that right, him acting in a way that builds the trust back -- you are pretty much hands tied on that , you can't make him do the right thing... you can only decide for yourself how much of the 'wrong' thing you can tolerate.

[LILYBET]

In the bottom of your heart, you know what it needs to be done. I think you need to look at the big picture, and take the time to reevaluate your self-esteem and standards. Be honest with him, tell him how you feel. You say you don't want drama but there are somethings that need to be put to rest, for example yours doubts. Don't take the passive or submissive role. My advice be assertive, aggressive and stand up for the sake of your self-esteem. Finally, please don’t settle for anything less than perfect.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”.

Matthew 7:7
Good luck <3

[Mighty Grasshopper]

I agree with HD. Its his choice to act. You can't talk to every person out tbere to stay away and you shouldn't have to.

If he cheats it was his decision to do so. The other option is to find out why and see if that reason can be dealt with.

[karenkaren]

I know what it is like to live with doubt as that has bn my way of life for the past month. There is no reason to speak to these women, trust me, its not them its him. If those women were to make a decision to back off then perhaps he would just find another. Its all about his choices. Why should he really care about conflict at work with them. Does it do him any good to have a stress free place of work and conflict at home? Ofcourse not. If you talk to any one it should be a friend for comfort and him for reassurance. If it makes you feel better to check his phone and emails then I say for the sake sanity go ahead. After all, we have but one life to live and it is so very short, who wants to live a lie or be oblivious to a problem that will ultimately explode in time to come. Do you believe he has had sexual relations with these women while being bound to you? If so could you forgive him? It is possible to love another so unconditionally that makes it possible to forgive. But mainly, since he is denying anything wrong about the situation is he willing to stop contact with them in proof that it is you above all else that matters? If he continues in his ways I say you must go because you need to put yourself first if he is not doing so. Time off could work too unless the duration of the time apart is going to be spent with you having constant worry and that nagging feeling deep inside that Im sure you know Im talking about. Dont jump the gun and act too quickly tho, give it time to see how things will settle after youve fully discussed every point of your view with him. Trust is not something to be tampered with and you may find yourself on a journey of falling out of love because of the emotional roller coaster he stuck you on. A relationship will never work without trust.
Trust your heart,not your fears!