[kareenakapoor47]

hi all. i know my husband's best friend since i got married i.e. about 11 yrs. i always liked him the way he talks his sense of humour his knowledge and education and smartness all were better than my husband's. after 8 yrs of marriage i suddenly started chatting with him on net and i told him all my feelings. after that he also told me that he loves me too. we started seeing each other. one day my husband was out of station then he came to my house and we had a great time touching each other and kissing but not we did sex. after 4 months of our romance my husband got to know one day that we talked on phone he was very upset with me and his friend too. after that his friend stopped talking to me and stopped the things and every connection but continued be friend with my husband. two years passed we did't talked to each other and did't saw each other. suddenly one day when i gave birth to my second kid he called me in front of my husband to congratulate me. after that he called me two three times in absence of my husband and told me to delete the call log. now almost 6 months is passed he did't call me . we can not meet . we can not talk. because they are very good friends. but i madly want him to atleast talk to me. i dont know what to do . i don't know whether he still loves me or not . i don't know . but i want to see him ofcourse with my husband around but that too is not possible. i want to see him talk to him . but this is not possible. what can i do please help me.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

karen you are missing alot in your life..

The words of him love? he would move heaven and earth or he has morals

If you are not happy leave.. If you don't honestly love him? leave.

But you are fantasizing so something is missing can you get it back with your husband?

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

bumping......

[stressed]

It seems like 8 years into your marriage you lost the 'spark', got bored with your husband, there was no intellectual, physical, other connection, so this friend seemed ideal to fill these gaps. Is this man married too or is he single?

You still have a huge gap in your relationship, or at least that's the way you feel about it (since you don't tell much about your marriage, other than this friend is so much more than your husband). You imagine this friend is perfect when you don't know as much about him as you do about your husband.

Maybe he hasn't contacted you because he doesn't want to ruin his friend's marriage, or because someone else is in his life now (and he deserves it). I suggest you stay away from him, let him live his own life, while you sit down and solve the issues you have in your marriage. Whether it's certain issues or your husband himself, you have to solve this first before you move on to another man. Affairs aren't the solution to the issues you have in your marriage, they only tell you that something is very wrong in your relationship which either has to be fixed, or be the reason for a divorce.

[oxy-moron]

One thing that you can be sure of is that anyone who has a relationship with another that has a young family is very self centred. Their universe revolves around themselves.
They have no compassion and will make a poor long term partner.
When you are in love you overlook the bad points and over play the good points. It is only natural but can lead you to some very big mistakes.

What are you expecting long term out of this. If you divorce your partner will be very bitter to you and your new catch. This will make things very bad for your children and probably you as well. Remember that infatuation only lasts for a few years- after that you are back to square one and have to make the relationship work.

[Tod121]

No one is in a perfect relationship, the further into a relationship you go the more effort is required to keep things going in the right direction. Like Oxy said before, infatuation is relatively short-term and does lack a rounded\grounded view such as the day to day hum-drum things we all need to take care of, you do need to take a step back from it all (without disconnecting yourself completely from day to day things and your children) and fix the issues at hand, try to think about the things you liked about your husband in the early years rekindle and build apon these things. There really is NO FUTURE in allowing yourself to dream about "your husband's best friend".

[kareenakapoor47]

thanks to you all for your valuable suggestions

Thanks to you all for your valuable suggestions. but here i would like to clear the actual situation. At this time i don't want any affair with his friend bcoz i don't want to spoil my married life but i want only normal relationship with him as it was before all this had happend. At least earlier he was coming to our house frequenly and i could talk to him see him and could cook food for him. we three were having great time when together, we could laugh together share our thinkings and experiences together. I want all that past come back. But what is happening in these two years that we could not be together . my husband meets his friend outside the home. he don't even tell any news about his friend to me . me and my husband even don't talk about his friend. If i say anything related to his friend he tells that he is his friend not mine. this is very bad situation. atleast now i want that we three could be together sometime. please suggest me any tip regarding this problem. i really don't love his friend but love my husband only but only want a normal relationship between we three as earlier it was.

[jenniferw413]

I have seen this happen before, once a line is crossed, it is very hard to get back to where you guys were before. If you love your husband and do not want to "spoil" your married life, then don't worry so much about this. I agree with stressed, your probably lost the "spark" from your marriage, and sought out to fill those gaps. I also suggest that you let this go, and stay away from him.

[Tod121]

DITTO!
You DONT have to interact with your husbands friends, find your own and drop this infatuation! You crossed the line, now forget and move on.

[stressed]

There is no "normal" relationship of "three" when you are married, unless all three parties involved share the same feelings and intentions (which does not apply to your case). Your husband is clearly aware of your weakness in his friend and unless you stop thinking about him you're going to lose your husband as well. If you can't stop thinking about him then leave your husband. But you can't have both of them.