[mylife13]

Okay so my husband and I have been married for a year now. Before I met him, he had a really bad life growing up. He was tossed around in foster homes when he was younger, and was also raped many times during that. This is always something that has been a problem for him. I have tried to get him to go to a psychologist to just get it out and work through it, but he doesn't want to because it normally isn't that big of a deal and it only bothers him in certain situations. Anyways his ex-girlfriend is literally crazy, and has been committed for a few days here or there, and it is her main goal in life to get him back. And she knows about him being raped and that in situations similar to what happened to him when he was younger he just freezes and basically in his mind just tries to dissapear. At least that's how he tried to explain it to me. Anyways about a month ago when I left for work and he was at home, I didn't lock the door when I left. And she came over to our apartment and got him up out of bed, they talked for a while, and then she basically came on to him and he said he tried to push her off but she just came back and pinned him down, and he felt helpless and basically just let it happen. After it was done, she dissapeared into the bathroom for about 30 mins and left. That's what my husband said happened, but he said he doesn't remember it much. This weekend she started texting him saying that she has taken several pregnancy tests and they all say that she is pregnant.
I just don't know what to do. I love him to death and I know in my heart that he is telling the truth, but I keep thinking your about as strong if not stronger than she is, why didn't you punch her in the ribs or fight like to get away from her. And he just says that he just can't and he tried to push her off and kept telling her no and stop but she wouldn't and he couldn't get her to. Ugh I don't want to leave, I really don't. But I don't know if I can handle her being around all the time, I don't know if I can handle raising his and another person's kid they had while we were married. I don't know how I am going to explain it to my family, who are extremely religious. I just keep praying that she is lying and that she just messed up the at home tests, or that it is someone elses and she is trying to pass it off as his, but then I ask myself, is she really so stupid as to think that we're not going to have her go to a doctor and get DNA testing and all that.
Anyways any help would be amazing, I just really needed to let this out and talk about it. Thanks.

[WildChild]

Paternity can be tested at 13 wks I think. If she is actually pregnant you do need to insist on this. He should have reported it when it happened. If he contacts the police now it is likely that they will just think he is trying to get out of the results of a fling.

As for your family, I don't know what to say, only you can decide if their religious beliefs outwiegh your trust and love for your husband.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honey he may be stronger physically but all that you describe about his past, his childhood and the lady he was with before you, that is where he sits, no self worth of himself, used to abuse and she would be the commanding type, the taking type.

He needs help still to get over his past and stand tall and believe in himself and that he can have a strong woman like you in his life that just wants to give him love....

People need help and time to heal bad wounds...

What ever the outcome, move if you can away from her....and disconnect totally....

CW

[stressed]

Hmmm if your husband can't sexually turn down women because of his past, then I wonder how you can be sure it won't happen again with anyone else, or even the same woman?

I don't believe the "he tried to push her off but she insisted", especially if he's stronger. If he really wanted to push her he would have done it. He didn't. His past is irrelevant to the situation because you are not his psychiatrist. If he feels he needs a psychiatrist to help him say no to women in order to avoid being raped, then he should have started seeing one before marrying you.

I'm worried that this won't be the last time this happens if what he claims is true. On the other hand, if he lies and he actually liked what happened, then that's another huge problem you have in your hands.

You can't protect the world from hitting on your husband, but it's your husband's responsibility to turn down the offers without you even having to mention it, and you shouldn't have to lock the doors to feel safe your husband won't be raped. If this is really what is going on then he needs professional help immediately.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

his ex-girlfriend is literally crazy, and has been committed for a few days here or there,

What if, she is the strong physco type? And, uses his past rape to bring him down, to a level of self worth, nothing, I'm nobody and then says "see this is what it was like" and acts on it?

There is nothing to say that scenario didn't happen or that therefore he feels not worthy of this girlfriend, given the "type" of character he went out with before.

100% agree, he needs professional help immediately...