[caterpillar79]

Playing too on hi c/p after getting home from work is okay for a bit of time but not all night and even to the extent of neglecting you. He is escaping reality and its stressful nature. Looks like you need a heart to heart talk, a direct approach. For some people though, direct approach might not work. So, if he asks for space and time to himself, give him what he asks and MORE of it. If sharing to him about how you feel wouldn't work, you'll have to resort to give him what he wants until he realizes what he's missing. If you are not getting off most of the time when you two make love, try to do so yourself and not pressure him. If he wants to be on his own for a few hours so he doesn't have to think but just play on his computer, give him that time and more of it. Pursue a hobby you love and redirect your focus on yourself. That way, you will create that feeling of security on your own that he will eventually gravitate into (hopefully).

This would take time and patience. I am talking from experience and I am doing this exact thing myself right now, and so far, it is doing some wonders. Not to cheer this soon, but at least, I have regained my "SELF".

Best of luck to you, dear.

[stressed]

I don't see how death/sickness in the family can work as an excuse for him not to please you, when it's alright for him to ask for oral and sex when he wants it. Like, he grieves when you ask, but forgets about it when he asks?

When you ask for something his excuses are "I'm thinking/it's late/I'm tired" instead. His only excuse can be if he finds it 'additionally stressful' to perform or do the "extra effort" to please you.

This is not right and you need to discuss it. If he doesn't listen then you better stop giving him what he wants as well. He might get the message or at least understand how he makes you feel lately.