[Troubledmama]

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years now. We a have a son together and another little boy on the way. My last pregnancy was spent with him deployed, however this pregnancy feels the same even though he is here. We have had so many issues in the past with him lying and going behind my back on things. I feel like I have let myself get to this point and there is no turning back.
He did tell me, to my face, his own words...shortly after we were married that he is a sellfish, who does what he needs to do to make himself happy. I had noticed a change in him after we were married and he said it was bc he did whatever he had to do to make me fall in love with him. he said he pretended to be something he wasnt. I felt hurt and betrayed but I still felt as though he really could be the person he once was....
Well now here we are 4years later and all we do is have the same arguements and and talks over and over again.
I need someone there to help bc shortly before we were married I was diagnosed with Syncope...I have random blackouts.
Being 36 weeks pregnant I thought a husband was supposed to be there for his wife, help her, take care of her. Not stare at other women and when I call for help he never comes. He has told me that yes he is staring at other women. When I asked why he said "bc I like something nice to look at!" when I got mad he said there should be no problem with it bc 95% of all men who are married are always looking at other women.
I honestly dont know what it is about him that makes me stay. I have never been like this over any man in my life before. I never wanted to get married or have kids until I met him...and even though I spend so many days crying in the shower so my son doesnt hear me or see his mommy like that. I just keep giving my husband chance after chance to change! That has been what the majority of marriage has been...fighting..crying..praying for him to change..and giving him more chances bc I want to be with him.......
At heart I know what I should do but at the same time I feel like its so wrong to leave him....I know most of this post is confusing but thats how I feel is confused and just want an answer on how to make it work....How can I ever help him change or just get him to change for that matter....Please help me I have no one to talk to. No one wants to hear me complain or even just vent. Im always just told to grow up or just to give it more time.......

[torn2pieces]

I have no answer, but I can relate. If you have one strong point/reason to leave then I would. But I know how hard that is. I am suffering and in pain right now, so I am so sorry for your pain. I am trying myself to understand how women do it, how they stay around while being hurt and "stepped on".

[jns]

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years now. We a have a son together and another little boy on the way. My last pregnancy was spent with him deployed, however this pregnancy feels the same even though he is here. We have had so many issues in the past with him lying and going behind my back on things. I feel like I have let myself get to this point and there is no turning back.
He did tell me, to my face, his own words...shortly after we were married that he is a sellfish, who does what he needs to do to make himself happy. I had noticed a change in him after we were married and he said it was bc he did whatever he had to do to make me fall in love with him. he said he pretended to be something he wasnt. I felt hurt and betrayed but I still felt as though he really could be the person he once was....
Well now here we are 4years later and all we do is have the same arguements and and talks over and over again.
I need someone there to help bc shortly before we were married I was diagnosed with Syncope...I have random blackouts.
Being 36 weeks pregnant I thought a husband was supposed to be there for his wife, help her, take care of her. Not stare at other women and when I call for help he never comes. He has told me that yes he is staring at other women. When I asked why he said "bc I like something nice to look at!" when I got mad he said there should be no problem with it bc 95% of all men who are married are always looking at other women.
I honestly dont know what it is about him that makes me stay. I have never been like this over any man in my life before. I never wanted to get married or have kids until I met him...and even though I spend so many days crying in the shower so my son doesnt hear me or see his mommy like that. I just keep giving my husband chance after chance to change! That has been what the majority of marriage has been...fighting..crying..praying for him to change..and giving him more chances bc I want to be with him.......
At heart I know what I should do but at the same time I feel like its so wrong to leave him....I know most of this post is confusing but thats how I feel is confused and just want an answer on how to make it work....How can I ever help him change or just get him to change for that matter....Please help me I have no one to talk to. No one wants to hear me complain or even just vent. Im always just told to grow up or just to give it more time.......

It sounds like the two of you are not compatible. But I know that at this stage of pregnancy you are probably more high strung than normal. I hope everything that you have stated was done so without too much passion that could have clouded your arguments.

Assuming everything said was OK, I would end it as soon as you feel comfortable. Maybe kicking him out for a while will set him straight, but I doubt it because guys usually don't change.

There are many guys that find their gf/SO/wife to be the most beautiful girl around and to be even more beautiful when she is pregnant and big. I am that way. It is even that way for me with any pregnant woman.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What you need to concentrate on is your baby, you are almost due, do you have family around to rely on instead for now, for support, love? I'd go and stay with them for this duaration and I think that is what he needs, a kick up the butt to realise that we are not here to marry so that, he claims a wife, and children whilst doing what ever he wants, in his selfish world...

You love him because he's told you straight out, he played a game to win/catch you.... Yet he disrespects you on-going, and you are allowing it...

He doesn't deserve you... He used charisma, charm this is what you want back, but he used it to gain a wife and children...

he said he pretended to be something he wasnt. I felt hurt and betrayed but I still felt as though he really could be the person he once was....

Why spend all your life crying? He's not there for you emotionally, rather always bringing your emotions to a level you would never feel anyone else would ever love you...it's a form of control....