I’m not sure where to begin. I love my husband. I think. We have been together since I was 19 (14 years). We got engaged 3 days after we met and were very happy in the beginning. I feel like now there has been so much in the relationship that I don’t know how much more I can take. I know that I am not perfect, but most of the problems come from thing that he has done.
Before I talk about him, I need to say that I can be controlling, I am very logical and like the house, finances, ect handled that way. I have a strong background with children and probably have abnormally high expectations about how the kids should be dealt with. I often make him feel like he is not doing good enough with them. I am also prone to depression and go through spurts where it is difficult to do things and don’t always keep the house as clean as my husband wants it.
When we were together for just 1 month, he was going to break up with me, and cheated on me, but I took him back after a short break up. When our oldest was 6 months, he almost left me for his x who he has a son with, but we worked things out. When I went to university (doing mostly online courses), he did not support me at all and made it difficult for me to complete my work. We had our first 2 kids while I was working on my degree. I put the rest of my schooling on hold to work and pay off student loans. It took us a long time to buy our own house because of those loans and my husband blamed me for it many times. There have been lots of times where he has been controlling of me over the years, but he is passive aggressive about it. For example, he would be mean to my daughter when I would go out, or talk me into doing things with him. He also admitted to doing things for me( like running errands) so that I wouldn’t go out. When I finally went back to school last year, having to commute and hour each way, he made things stressful for me, and then got mad at me for not finding a job right away. By Last August, I was ready to leave, but he said that he would change things.
From September to December, he was just being mean to me a lot. He is threatened by my education and took it out on me. ( he does not have his high school and refuses to go back to school, but I have never made an issue of it except when he says he hates his job, I tell him to go to school to change it). He finally agreed to go to counselling, and has been doing that. I think he struggles with anxiety, and is also very insecure with himself. There have been some improvements, but I still am not very happy. I guess that I feel guilty for not being happy with him. I have just laid out all the worst in him. He is very devoted to me and the kids. He doesn’t do much other than work play hockey and spend time with me and the kids. He goes to all sports events, plays, ect, it there for my family when they need someone (he is not in contact with his at all) . He does a lot around the house. When I tell him that I have a problem with things, he listens, and at least tried to change things, even if it is not successful.
Sorry this is so long, I wanted to give a lot of background. Recently we have been trying to improve things by spicing up our sex life. I can have a high drive and like to experiment with things, so does he. About a month ago we went to s strip bar, had lap dances, ect and had a lot of fun. We had great sex that night, and for a while after that, and we both felt very close from sharing something new together. We have been watching a lot of porn together, and just really been into things. I wanted to try going to a swing club, just to check it out, and we had plans to go to a marti gras event, but when we talked about it the day of he seemed really jealous, so I decided that it was not a good idea to go. We were out of town and had a hotel for the night but he was mad at me for not going and ignored me the whole night. I was really hurt by that. We had talked a lot, been really open about our feelings and had agreed that if either of us was uncomfortable we wouldn’t go or would leave if we were there. I feel like he turned an experience that we were supposed to share together into something that was for him. I was so upset the next morning that I told home I was done with us. On the drive home we talked about things and he wanted to know what he would do to make things better, I told him that we need to be done with porn, strip bars, ect and just focus on us. When we went out later that day he pointed out a woman and said “oh my God look at her”. Of course I was hurt by that.
I am very confused about things. I am the one who suggested the porn, swing club, ect, so I feel responsible. But I feel like he takes advantage of me all the time. And this is yet another hurt after everything else. I just want other people’s opinions about the situation ( if u make it thought this and are posting, then thank-you) I don’t know how to tell when it is time to call it quits in a marriage.
Before I talk about him, I need to say that I can be controlling, I am very logical and like the house, finances, ect handled that way. I have a strong background with children and probably have abnormally high expectations about how the kids should be dealt with. I often make him feel like he is not doing good enough with them. I am also prone to depression and go through spurts where it is difficult to do things and don’t always keep the house as clean as my husband wants it.
When we were together for just 1 month, he was going to break up with me, and cheated on me, but I took him back after a short break up. When our oldest was 6 months, he almost left me for his x who he has a son with, but we worked things out. When I went to university (doing mostly online courses), he did not support me at all and made it difficult for me to complete my work. We had our first 2 kids while I was working on my degree. I put the rest of my schooling on hold to work and pay off student loans. It took us a long time to buy our own house because of those loans and my husband blamed me for it many times. There have been lots of times where he has been controlling of me over the years, but he is passive aggressive about it. For example, he would be mean to my daughter when I would go out, or talk me into doing things with him. He also admitted to doing things for me( like running errands) so that I wouldn’t go out. When I finally went back to school last year, having to commute and hour each way, he made things stressful for me, and then got mad at me for not finding a job right away. By Last August, I was ready to leave, but he said that he would change things.
From September to December, he was just being mean to me a lot. He is threatened by my education and took it out on me. ( he does not have his high school and refuses to go back to school, but I have never made an issue of it except when he says he hates his job, I tell him to go to school to change it). He finally agreed to go to counselling, and has been doing that. I think he struggles with anxiety, and is also very insecure with himself. There have been some improvements, but I still am not very happy. I guess that I feel guilty for not being happy with him. I have just laid out all the worst in him. He is very devoted to me and the kids. He doesn’t do much other than work play hockey and spend time with me and the kids. He goes to all sports events, plays, ect, it there for my family when they need someone (he is not in contact with his at all) . He does a lot around the house. When I tell him that I have a problem with things, he listens, and at least tried to change things, even if it is not successful.
Sorry this is so long, I wanted to give a lot of background. Recently we have been trying to improve things by spicing up our sex life. I can have a high drive and like to experiment with things, so does he. About a month ago we went to s strip bar, had lap dances, ect and had a lot of fun. We had great sex that night, and for a while after that, and we both felt very close from sharing something new together. We have been watching a lot of porn together, and just really been into things. I wanted to try going to a swing club, just to check it out, and we had plans to go to a marti gras event, but when we talked about it the day of he seemed really jealous, so I decided that it was not a good idea to go. We were out of town and had a hotel for the night but he was mad at me for not going and ignored me the whole night. I was really hurt by that. We had talked a lot, been really open about our feelings and had agreed that if either of us was uncomfortable we wouldn’t go or would leave if we were there. I feel like he turned an experience that we were supposed to share together into something that was for him. I was so upset the next morning that I told home I was done with us. On the drive home we talked about things and he wanted to know what he would do to make things better, I told him that we need to be done with porn, strip bars, ect and just focus on us. When we went out later that day he pointed out a woman and said “oh my God look at her”. Of course I was hurt by that.
I am very confused about things. I am the one who suggested the porn, swing club, ect, so I feel responsible. But I feel like he takes advantage of me all the time. And this is yet another hurt after everything else. I just want other people’s opinions about the situation ( if u make it thought this and are posting, then thank-you) I don’t know how to tell when it is time to call it quits in a marriage.
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