[bluegizzmo31]

I am 31 yrs old, mother of 4 amazing kids and have found a wonderful almost perfect man.
He is 24 and is a great step-father... The kids adore him... AWESOME dad!!!

The problem comes in our sex life. I am 31 and I have a sex drive of a teenager, and he is 24 and has the sex drive of well I am not sure.. Lets just say we make love about twice a month (maybe).... I feel so bad.. I know I am bipolar hyperactive. I am also a little too independent and controlling.. I say it's from raising 4 kids alone till now and having to do and get everything on my own, but I am not so sure... He is bipolar depressive and takes his meds and is wonderful for it... We don't fight often, though I am more aggressive and would rather fight it out than let it go... I sometimes feel like I am the man and he is the woman... It's not how I want things..
He has ordered pills to help his sex drive because he thinks something is wrong wth him... I think I did this to him...

My fiance and as of Sept my husband, is the best thing ever.. I don't think our problem is all about him I think I am to blame alot.. He says he wants me and is attracted but can't get his head into it.. and when we talk about making love even when he isn't in the mood the look on his face is horrible... I'd feel like I was rapping him...
What can I do to not be the way I am...

[jns]

Maybe his meds for his bipolar condition are the problem. Have you got his doctor to adjust or change them? His sex drive is a lot less than it should be for most 24 year olds. Is he under a lot of stress?

[Hopeless Dork]

Either you are being really hard on yourself, or you are being really honest with yourself and seeing a problem. I think you might need to let him take the lead a little more and not just in the bedroom. I'm not saying you shouldn't be strong and independent, but if you are bossing him around all the time...that could potenially effect how he feels about you sexually. Give in sometimes and let him take control ... let him make decisions, etc.

Is he able to get erections in the morning when he wakes up? If no, he probably should see a doctor . Is he masturbating frequently? If so, then its likely a psychological/emotional reason his drive is lower for sex with you and not a physical reason. Stress, performance anxiety, etc..

Try to take the pressure off the act itself and focus instead on giving each other pleasure, being close... massages.. no expectations, just feeling good and if it happens it happens. He's got to learn to relax and so have you

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think the OP is stating she is bipolar hyperactive not him JNS

Slow your mind down for a second, don't ask, don't think about it, just act.....

Remember, men are no different from women either, they do not want to feel like "sex machines", they also need to know they look good, are good at it, smell nice, are loved....

Maybe focus more on that side of it, if you ask and ask, and he can't get his head around it, it's a chore instead of it being beautiful and loving.

CW

[miffed23]

Firstly, what you describe is rather normal. I believe you are being hard on yourself. In this day and age, women are embracing their sexuality and their sex drives are 'catching up' (if not overtaking) mens. It is not surprising to me that you are independent having brought up your children alone, it is a lifestyle change having another person in your life and all it will take is a little tweeking, this will come with time.

I like HD's advice, to take the pressure off the act itself and concentrate on giving each other pleasure with massages, closeness etc. Be playful, this should work well for you, you can focus your energies on fun together, joke, laugh, play card games! Definitely check the side effects of his meds out.

Good luck, remind him often that you think he is wonderful.

[oxy-moron]

Hi
Depression is a great killer of sex drive. Unfortunately a lot of meds that help depression also kill sex drive.
Try improving his diet. Less sugars-more healthy fats with high Omega 3.(Capsules if needed)
Daily sunshine- and if that is hard to get then supplement with Vitamin D3.
More exercise.
Good luck