[scsmiddy]

So ive been with my fiance for over a year and half now and we have a beautiful 7 week old baby girl. I found out a few days ago that he kissed another shelia why he was spoused to be down south working. She was a ex of his that he thought he had a kid too, he hadnt really spoke to her until he got down there she came into town and wanted to catch up with all her old friends including them they got really wasted and and she was sick so he checked on her and they kissed. He didnt tell me any of this i found out when he left his facebook open, he had been on it a fair bit the last few days and there was a new message so i thought id have a look at who he has been talking to and he was talking to her about that night, he actually asked her if they did anything that night and she said theyd kissed. When i confronted him he didnt denie doing it he said he didnt want to tell me because it was a mistake and he dosnt like seeing me upset. We have a had issues before with him "chatting up" other chicks so i asked him why he did it, he said he does it for a ego boost because i dont make him feel good about himself anymore.. I asked him why he didnt talk to me about it he reckons he shouldnt have to ask me to make him feel good.. I want to work things out with him but im afraid his just going to do it again, i dont have a lot of trust in him anymore at all.. Do you think councelling would help this? Or am i just being naive?

[spurzzz]

Hello scsmiddy, welcome to WH.

First thing's first, you mention the other girl as Shelia? If that is her real name, could you remember not to use anyone's real information for data protection and confidentiality.

he hadnt really spoke to her until he got down there

What makes you so sure about that? It sounds to me as if they would have spoke before to know that they would be meeting up there, no?

When i confronted him he didnt denie doing it he said he didnt want to tell me because it was a mistake

A bigger mistake is for him not to tell you through love and trust. He may never have told you about it if you did not find out, so in future if he does anything else would he be man enough to tell you? A loving relationship is built on trust and if he made a honest mistake, he should have told you as soon as possible.

and he dosnt like seeing me upset

"chatting up" other chicks

Well that doesn't make sense does it? He doesn't like seeing you upset but chats up other women to make himself feel good.....but WAIT, it gets better!

he said he does it for a ego boost because i dont make him feel good about himself anymore

AND THEN he blames you for the result of him chatting up other women!?!!!!?!!!!

That is my opinion and he needs to grow up if he wants to set a good example to his newly born. Going out getting wasted, hiding things behind his partners back and talking openly to women he has kissed with as if it's nothing is OVERCROSSING THE LINE!

You cannot trust the guy if he is not going to clean up his act. You need to be firmer in what you are willing to tolerate and groundrules will have to be in place. Stop letting him walk all over you. Counselling will only help if both parties genuinely want the help or it is as you say naiveity.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Sheila, is a term for "woman", another woman...

he actually asked her if they did anything that night and she said theyd kissed.

He is egotistical, he admits that, he enjoys flirting and "winning".

As Spruzzz pointed out, don't allow him to blame you, if he needs women to stroke his ego, that's his problem. You have a beautiful baby, it's time he grew up and took responsibility of that child, or else seriously? You are better of alone, you deserve better.

CW

[Mes T]

Hi hun,

What he did was definitely wrong and not respectful to you. If I were in the same situation I probably would have been hurt beyond repair. But that is how I am, maybe you are different.

He didn't try to cover it up when confronted about it - that is a good sign. He also told you point-blank the reason for doing it - that he needed an ego boost that you weren't providing.

That is not to say that any of this can be BLAMED on you. However, men and women, both, need to feel good about themselves. Hopefully their partners can provide that for them, and sometimes, if they cannot, people end up seeking that attention elsewhere.

What is your life like at home? Do you compliment each other? Do you do little favors for each other? Smile? Laugh?

I tell my partner every morning before he goes off to work that he looks nice that day. (And I mean it by the way, I don't just say it.)

Things like that matter.

If you decide to try to work through his mistake and forgive him, those are some things to think about.

Yes I think counseling would help, to figure out if you can move past this situation, and to plan for the future.