[anshika]

Hello Everyone,
Well, My husband and I have been married for about 3 yrs. We were having some argument, he was getting a bit agitated and suddenly he slapped me. He didn't hit me hard, just kind of pat on the face, but its was for the first time he did that.
Its been a day, he did not say sorry or anything, but he being cuddly all the time since then. But I'm still angry with him, and haven't talked to him since then.
Please help me, and tell me what should i do ?

[Ashlee T.]

I'm sorry to hear he did that to you. No spouse every does something deserving of being hit over. Your husband is supposed to be the one person to love and protect you....hitting you is 100% unacceptable. You shouldn't just be mad...you should feel furious, violated, betrayed, hurt, deceived, etc.

He needs to understand now that whether it's a "pat" on the face during an argument or a fist, it's unacceptable.

Has he every been physical with you before like restraining you, or trying to physically intimidate you?

[rcoreyus]

I'm torn between saying that you should leave now, and thinking that if he abjectly apologises you could give him one, and ONLY ONE more chance - ever. What worries me is that he doesn't seem to even realise how completely inappropriate and unacceptable it is to hit someone. Has he ever been physically violent toward you in the past? Have you ever been violent toward him? Does he do anything else to control you in any way?

How serious was this argument? Had it gotten very hurtful and personal? This absolutely doesn't excuse him hitting you, but it might explain it.

[WildChild]

I suggest you tell that there is only a first time and a last time for this. No ifs, ands, or buts. He needs to admit what he did, apologize for it and understand there are no second chances on this.

[Crystalblue]

Your title should have been, my husband slapped me for the last time! You need to talk to him about this. Maybe it wasn't physically damaging to you, but it obviously still hurt. You need to make sure that ends now, before he does it again or it gets worse. He probably regretted it as soon as it happened, but if you don't tell him how you feel, he's not going to know the damage it caused.

[anshika]

The argument was not at all personal, i was asking him to do some work, but he was being lazy. I know it my fault that i was shouting unnecessarily, but it was not that bad that he would have slapped me at that point. He used to be quite penitent before, I am always getting on his face, but this was totally different. I don't know what happened, he just snapped.
I don't even know how to confront him at this point. Somehow he is going to make this my fault, i argue all the time with him but at the end its always my fault. So this time I don't want him to make this my fault.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It is not your fault that he slapped you, he is his own person, no matter what happens in provocing someone, they have a choice, to hit or not to hit.....

Having said that..

"Asking is very different than yelling, talking down, possibly "you lazy so in so"...As you said, you "always" are getting on his face.

Your husband if I can say, has already gone through childhood with a Mother, yelling and screaming... The last thing a "husband" wants is to go through it for the rest of his life, does that make sense?

I think what he is telling you by "telling you it's your fault" is he doesn't want to be yelled at screamed at, talk to him, make a roster discuss, work things.....

By yelling and screaming you are pushing his buttons....

CW

[WildChild]

It can be good to fight for something but it is never justified to fight about anything.
Discuss, share thoughts, compare views, agree to disagree, but fight? No.
Hitting is never acceptable.

[Guest]

Adults should sit down and discuss the problems at the table, when one gets to the yelling point - they should take a break and go relax for a bit. Then they should come back with a positive attitude and discuss until the yelling starts again and repeat.
I have never yelled at my wife, yelling is for children.

Hitting; Absolutely no excuse for it. I've never hit my wife or any other woman for that matter. First sign of assault and I'm gone, period. No second chances at all, I will not tolerate someone putting their hands on me and neither should Any woman. Don't act like it didn't happen and as soon as it does, let him know that you will not put up with that at all and leave for awhile. That shows him that you aren't afraid to leave his butt sitting there like the fool.
Once hit and you are passive about it, what's next? Throwing you across the room? Totally unacceptable behavior and let him know it asap. One little slap today = you being in the ER at a later date, if you live to talk about domestic violence. No excuses for it, period!

[monK]

Hey Anshika,
If your husband has a way of turning things around to make it seem, or make you feel like, it's your fault for things like this to happen, he is trying to make you feel guilty. Then, he has power and control. He will not be counted responsible. You must notify him that hitting you, no matter how hard, is unacceptable. It is very hard to stand up to people like our husbands sometimes because we want to make them happy and because we want to be considered "doing the right thing." The right thing in this case is to stand up to him. Please look up the circle of power and control on the internet and see if it applies to your life. It will validate you. You will not feel guilty. You will not feel crazy. This is a big deal. I've been in your shoes. Do not be the victim.