[chaya]

I am recovering from surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. The doctor told me no sex until after my followup examination and he cleared me. Me and my husband have been having sex at least 5 times a week since we got married 7 months ago. I have heard that if a man has been having sex regularly and suddenly stops, he will develop epididymal hypertension and his testicles would swell and he would be in a lot of pain. Consequently, he should avoid getting aroused because it could aggravate this problem. Is this true?

My husband is very shy and says he has never masturbated. If we sleep together, he is sure to get aroused and I could be hurting him. So I am thinking it might be better if I slept in the spare room and didn't let him see me undressed so he wouldn't get aroused.

[Ashlee T.]

You should talk to him about this. I can't imagine he'd want you to sleep in the other room. I think you two need the bonding time right now. It's nice to share some intimacy that doesn't involve sex. I'm also sure that many times in his life he has gotten aroused without release. What you're referring to is what a lot of young fellas use to guilt girls into sex, "blue balls". Is it real? Yeah I'm sure it is to some extent, but it will not harm him............it will just make him want you more when you are released. Enjoy the non sexual intimacy for the next several days.

[LanaBear]

You may come across all different times in your life that you may not be able to have sex for one reason or another for a few weeks, etc... It has happened with me and I have never thought about sleeping in another room. They can deal with it and more than likely, he is concerned about your recovery more than he is about not getting sex. He may actually feel hurt that you would want to sleep in another room. Let him hold you and comfort you, he can deal with his arousal if he chooses if it comes along.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm sorry firstly for the situation are you okay and coping ? Seems you are more concerned for him than you.

he will develop epididymal hypertension and his testicles would swell and he would be in a lot of pain

The way I see it? He wouldn't sleep with you before marriage, although I think he did once you were engaged, but in any event that means he did not have alot of sex, frequent sex, before you, therefore he is used to not having sex.

As the other's have stated, he would be more concerned of wanting to hold you and help you heal and him, sex would be the last thing on his mind, times like this are for togetherness, don't deny him of that.

CW

[jns]

I have heard that if a man has been having sex regularly and suddenly stops, he will develop epididymal hypertension and his testicles would swell and he would be in a lot of pain. Consequently, he should avoid getting aroused because it could aggravate this problem. Is this true?

I don't believe it and I didn't find any information supporting such an assumption. Epididymal hypertension would more likely be from getting a man almost to the point of no return and not completing the act. He will be fine. It is better to keep up the rest of the intimacy, just not have sex. Pretty much what all the women said.

[WildChild]

You need to be able to reassure each other that you are OK. To be able to snuggle and be close will help him get past the idea that he has "hurt" you. Sleeping in another room, no matter how you explain it, may make him feel that you are rejecting or blaming him or it will give him cause to blame himself.

If need be, perhaps you can give him a hand?

[chaya]

I'm so glad I asked for help, I could have made a big mistake. I will be sleeping with my husband where I belong.

[Hopeless Dork]

He's been dealing with erections and arousal since he first hit puberty... if he's never masturbated, he's probably experienced some sort of nocturnal emissions, or some other way to deal with that situation. He will be fine. Your focus should just be on your health, relaxation, and I think your husband could be of great support to you in all of that.

If your worry that he might get tempted, and provoke you to sex before recovery time is over... make sure he has a good understanding of the health risks involved and as much as he loves you I sincerely doubt he will wish to jeopordize your well being.

[Ashlee T.]

This may also be a good time to "break the oral barrier" so to speak. Perhaps when you notice his arousal you could make your way down south. And when he says "You don't need to do that" or something like that, say "I need to do it, because I want to do it...I want you in my mouth...so lay back and enjoy this because it's going to feel amazing". Once you do it once and he sees how much he enjoys it, he will not turn you down the next time you want to do it. Then with time, try introducing himself to a little mouth action in your southern regions as well.

[WildChild]

BD's suggestion brings to mind an idea that might help open him to more foreplay and possibly oral for you. As you are healing, it would be a good idea to move gradually back into sex. You could encourage him, when enough time has passed, to help your body "get ready" to have sex again. Ask him to cuddle and kiss you all over, then ask him to gently use his fingers to tease your vulva and clit. Tell him you feel that you will need to really, really wet (which you do need to be). He can get his fingers really wet with his saliva, then after he has had his hand in your vaginal area for a few minutes you could ask him to get it a bit wetter. This could help him get more comfortable with your taste and with touching and knowing that you are ok with this and enjoy it.

Perhaps after you have guided yourselves back into sex this way a few times, you can talk with him about how much you enjoy not just intercourse but his touch and his lips and how much you would like to feel his tongue as well. This could open the door to expanding what the two of you do.