[Pita_C]

If so, how do I go about it? It's been almost a month since he's last seen our two month old daughter. He's been clubbing and partying. I know for a fact he's taking ecstasy.... And all of his friends smoke pot. I just don't think it's fair that he's out doing whatever he wants without consequence. I'm going crazy! Help please!!!!

[LanaBear]

IMO... NO... It will all catch up to him eventually. I would however report him if he was ever doing this while in your daughter's presence.

Why waste you energy with this negative stuff? Focus on you and your daughter, not what you can catch him at. No matter what you do or what you report, you nor anyone can force him to see his daughter.

Besides, if he's doing all the things you say... Why would you even want him involved in your daughters life? It isn't fair, but it's life. He's choosing to be a POS and eventually, it will catch up to him. Don't lower down to his level and focus your thoughts and your life on what he may or may not be doing.

[Crystalblue]

I agree. Anything you do to get him into trouble will get in the way later, if he does ever decide to try & be a dad. It'll push him further away from you, and in turn, his daughter. It's important to leave that door open for him for when he straigtens up. If he doesn't, he has no one else to be mad at but himself.

I know it's easy to imagine all the ways to take revenge, and it sounds like you have, but it won't make you feel any better. You'll be better off if you focus on repairing your life without him.

[JadedQueen]

Report him to his probation officer.... NO WAY! What exactly would you gain from doing that? Revenge? If you are upset that he isn't seeing your two month old daughter, well reporting him to his probation officer isn't going to improve that situation at all.... because if he is doing anything that violates the terms of his probation and you do report him, chances are he will get violated which in most cases means jail time and seeing Daddy on visiting day is not really quality father/daughter time. Depending on how many times he's violated his probation and his probation officer he could end up spending a considerable amount of time in jail and seriously... what does that really accomplish? Self satisfaction that you KNOW he's not out partying? Or satisfaction that it evens the score because it's not fair that he was going out without consequence?

One last thing... it may not seem to you as though there are consequences for his actions but there are... he is missing out on seeing your beautiful daughter everyday, watching her change and grow, building memories and bonding with her. Seeing her first smile... those are moments that he isn't there for and he can never get back the time that he's missed with her.... it may not bother him now, but someday it will and he has no one to blame but himself.

If he is doing the things that you say.... he will be his own worst enemy and it will all catch up to him sooner or later without any assistance from you. You are probably angry that he isn't being a responsible and participating father to your daughter after all you didn't create her by yourself and as unfair as it seems that he is able to blow off his responsibility so easily and you are there without his assistance or support just keep in mind if he is clubbin' (which I'm assuming also means drinking) and taking ecstacy, smoking pot or associating with those that do... do you really want him to be around you and your daughter when he's drunk, under the influence of X or weed? It's probably a good thing that he is staying away if he's doing those things.

[rcoreyus]

Before deciding what to do, you should think about what you would like to happen, and then see what plan of action leads that direction. I agree with the others: if you want him to see more of your daughter, then getting him sent back to jail is a step in the wrong direction. If you want something else, then what is it, and maybe we can suggest....

[Pita_C]

I've decided I'm not going to do anything. I guess I was just having a really bad day... You guys are right, eventually it will all catch up to him. And I don't want my daughter to have to ever see her daddy in jail. It's hard to just sit here and watch him throw everything away... It's so frustrating! But I'm just trying to focus on my baby. I know she has no fault in this and it would be wrong for me to put her dad in jail just because I was angry. That would be selfish of me. Thanks everyone....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Pita it is so easy to see your life, hard....Taking care of a baby you carried for 9 months, and she is now 2 months old, you didn't expect to cope on your own but that's what has happened....

He hasn't found his way yet, and therefore can't comprehend "responsibilies" and then there is drugs.

Set him free and know that at some stage he has to change it may be years to come...but he has to realise the bad he is doing to his life, the destruction he is doing to his life.....

Think about it, as he is now? Do you really want your little one to know her dad? I think not.

You do all you can to make her safe, happy, vibrant, to learn, to be herself to succeed in what ever she wants out of life and that was your gift to her.

And, you realise that you are worth something and just because you have a little one doesn't mean "you" can't live and make something of yourself either and find that man whom will be there for the two of you okay.

Focus only on not only your baby but you too.....

It's anger not selfishness that he is the way he is and you are having to do this alone

You are not alone, actually we are here.

CW