I've seen this subject over and over but I decided to post my own issues because not all problems are the same. Sorry if this is long, I'm trying to sort out my thoughts too.
I've been married to my husband for a little over two years now. We knew each other for about 7 months before we got married, but a few of those months were strictly online (we were introduced through a friend and talked like that before actually meeting) and then we did a lot of texting and seeing each other on the weekends because he was in the military and lived a couple hours away.
We argue a lot and a month after being married I ended up pregnant and it took me a lot of my pregnancy to be okay with the fact (it was hard to shake the feeling of the life I wanted to have not being possible anymore). After having my son, sex became... not very often. At first I figured it was because after having a baby you need time to heal and your hormones to even out and so on. But by the time my son turned 5 months old, I still didn't want sex and then my husband deployed.
When he got back from deployment, I was expecting problems because I talked to other married military couples who said you get used to doing things a certain way, and then the spouse returns and it can cause fights because the spouse ends up trying to change the way you do things or they don't do things right, and yadda yadda (like how you grocery shop and such). So, I wasn't surprised that I began to get irritated by the things he did or didn't do.
When he first got back, we had sex often enough the first week (pent up sexual tension I guess) but after that, it went back to not wanting to have sex very often. Over the months, my annoyance toward him has grown. The things he says, the things he does, even now the way he looks bothers me. He's always been overweight and dress sort of sloppily, which was never a big deal... but now I just see it as sloppy and lazy because he won't get serious about being healthy and that's what I WANT for myself.
I'm all about constant changing of ones self to become the best person you can be and I want to change myself and I want to be healthy and fit and want my son to grow up in that environment, but my husband always has a way to wipe out my motivation and stop any personal growth and I can't stand that.
His laziness, his procrastination, his sloppiness, it brings me down so much that sometimes I get depressed. I'm the kind of person who wants to go out and volunteer and be active and go overseas to volunteer and all this stuff. I always imagined being with someone who did that stuff with me, but I didn't think his being different was going to be a problem and it shouldn't be, right? We hardly have anything in common, which also shouldn't be a problem, but it feels like every time I say something, he disagrees with it or dogs on it and then I end up getting mad at him because it get's old. I don't care if he disagrees with my opinion, but he doesn't have to say about it and go on about it being dumb.
I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and I'm so tired of him telling me, this is the better way to do it, your way isn't good.
My attraction to him has dwindled down to nothing. I don't like sex with him and I know a lot of people say to do it anyway and you'll get back into it but... honestly, when I have sex with him now it makes me feel like crying. We hardly ever touch, which is my fault! I just don't like kissing him or holding his hand and it's rare to want to cuddle with him. I just don't know what's wrong with me. He's a good guy, he always wants to make me happy, and he's a great provider. I hate feeling this way and being so confused, I hate that I look at him and feel, not repulsed but just... ugh, you know?
I don't know if I love him anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that, even reading this, that i'm making him sound bad or something which is not my intentions. I don't want to screw things up and regret it. I don't know if I left things out or what I said is confusing, but just let me know and I'll try to answer whatever questions you might have.
I've been married to my husband for a little over two years now. We knew each other for about 7 months before we got married, but a few of those months were strictly online (we were introduced through a friend and talked like that before actually meeting) and then we did a lot of texting and seeing each other on the weekends because he was in the military and lived a couple hours away.
We argue a lot and a month after being married I ended up pregnant and it took me a lot of my pregnancy to be okay with the fact (it was hard to shake the feeling of the life I wanted to have not being possible anymore). After having my son, sex became... not very often. At first I figured it was because after having a baby you need time to heal and your hormones to even out and so on. But by the time my son turned 5 months old, I still didn't want sex and then my husband deployed.
When he got back from deployment, I was expecting problems because I talked to other married military couples who said you get used to doing things a certain way, and then the spouse returns and it can cause fights because the spouse ends up trying to change the way you do things or they don't do things right, and yadda yadda (like how you grocery shop and such). So, I wasn't surprised that I began to get irritated by the things he did or didn't do.
When he first got back, we had sex often enough the first week (pent up sexual tension I guess) but after that, it went back to not wanting to have sex very often. Over the months, my annoyance toward him has grown. The things he says, the things he does, even now the way he looks bothers me. He's always been overweight and dress sort of sloppily, which was never a big deal... but now I just see it as sloppy and lazy because he won't get serious about being healthy and that's what I WANT for myself.
I'm all about constant changing of ones self to become the best person you can be and I want to change myself and I want to be healthy and fit and want my son to grow up in that environment, but my husband always has a way to wipe out my motivation and stop any personal growth and I can't stand that.
His laziness, his procrastination, his sloppiness, it brings me down so much that sometimes I get depressed. I'm the kind of person who wants to go out and volunteer and be active and go overseas to volunteer and all this stuff. I always imagined being with someone who did that stuff with me, but I didn't think his being different was going to be a problem and it shouldn't be, right? We hardly have anything in common, which also shouldn't be a problem, but it feels like every time I say something, he disagrees with it or dogs on it and then I end up getting mad at him because it get's old. I don't care if he disagrees with my opinion, but he doesn't have to say about it and go on about it being dumb.
I feel like I'm always doing something wrong and I'm so tired of him telling me, this is the better way to do it, your way isn't good.
My attraction to him has dwindled down to nothing. I don't like sex with him and I know a lot of people say to do it anyway and you'll get back into it but... honestly, when I have sex with him now it makes me feel like crying. We hardly ever touch, which is my fault! I just don't like kissing him or holding his hand and it's rare to want to cuddle with him. I just don't know what's wrong with me. He's a good guy, he always wants to make me happy, and he's a great provider. I hate feeling this way and being so confused, I hate that I look at him and feel, not repulsed but just... ugh, you know?
I don't know if I love him anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that, even reading this, that i'm making him sound bad or something which is not my intentions. I don't want to screw things up and regret it. I don't know if I left things out or what I said is confusing, but just let me know and I'll try to answer whatever questions you might have.
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