This is new for me but I'm willing to give this forum a shot based off of what I have read so far. Who better than to get your information from than another married woman or one who is in a long term relationship.
A little bit about my background. I met my husband at work in 1999. I was 20. He is 10 years older than me. At the time we met he just got out of a 6 year relationship. They were supposed to get married but didn't. Next thing you know I'm pregnant. He didn't want me to keep the baby, but we did. During this time the relationship was rocky. He wouldn't speak to me, stopped eating my dinner the whole nine. When my daughter was born we moved in with family. Just packed up and left one day while he was at work. Long story short he didn't ask us to move back in. He said he needed space.
Fast forward a few years we got back together. There was a lot of back and forth. I'd move in and move out, move in and move out. It was frustrating to say the least. He has never been an affectionate romantic person. Sex was always good though. During this time he started spending a lot of time at the neighborhood bar and grill. (Think in terms of the bar at Fridays or a similar restaurant). He has been going to this bar FOR YEARS now, at least 8. It's 4-5 sometimes 6 days out of the week. If he's not home, he is there. He doesn't go to night clubs or strip clubs. I have "popped up" on a few occasions and he is there. He goes straight after work and averages coming home around 9-10:30 on a daily basis.
To make a long story short we were to get married in 2007 and a few months before the wedding I cancelled it and moved out. We got back together a year later and I figured he had changed. He said he wanted his family, the bar and his friends were not important. We got married. We just had a son who is turning two in March. He continues to frequent this bar. When football season starts it's even worse. Monday night he goes, Tuesday goes, the weekends he'll go in the afternoon and come back late at night.
In addition if I do not schedule a "family day" or something of the sort, he will not do it. He has stopped going to church services with us. So the kids and I go on our own. He won't attend family functions if he's invited. When he's home he watches television. I've checked his phone recently and found naked pictures of women that his "bar buddies" send him. Most of these buddies are not married. They are in their 30s and are still "playing the field" I asked him why would he want to be around people like that and he says that he knows married people who cheat so what is the difference.
The other thing I've noticed is he does not initiate sex with me. If we do that it's because I ask for it.
I guess what I want to know is, why does he frequent this bar so much? I've met his "friends" and I do not like most of them. There is a girl bartender but I've met her too and she has a boyfriend and kids of her own. (Plus she is not a good looking woman). I checked his phone recently and there is a number that keeps showing up but there is no name assigned to it. I found out that it is a 'young woman'. However no other incriminating evidence was found suggesting that he's having an affair. We don't have any meaningful conversation, as I stated he is into the TV when he gets home. Does he having a drinking problem? I doubt it. On a few occasions I found him "drunk" but that's like twice a year.
I must admit he doesn't have all bad faults. He cooks us dinner pretty regularily because he enjoys doing that. He gets the kids ready for school and drops them off every morning. However simple things I'd like for him to do - he just won't do. This includes complementing me, attending church with us, having a family night. Telling me that he loves me. Spending some time with me or with us a family - on a regular basis. You see because he comes home late, the kids are in bed. At this point I will get some "hey how was your day, not bad" quick convo and that's it. He goes to bed. Repeat: WILL NOT ASK me about sex!
I am the average woman's size: 12. Down from my weight last summer which was a size 18 (still lot of baby weight). I dress pretty nice. I contribute to the bills (50/50). I take care of the kids. I work. I finished up school last year.
WHY DOES HE FREQUENT THIS BAR SO MUCH??? Please let me know your honest open thoughts based off the information I posted. I'd really appreciate it.
A little bit about my background. I met my husband at work in 1999. I was 20. He is 10 years older than me. At the time we met he just got out of a 6 year relationship. They were supposed to get married but didn't. Next thing you know I'm pregnant. He didn't want me to keep the baby, but we did. During this time the relationship was rocky. He wouldn't speak to me, stopped eating my dinner the whole nine. When my daughter was born we moved in with family. Just packed up and left one day while he was at work. Long story short he didn't ask us to move back in. He said he needed space.
Fast forward a few years we got back together. There was a lot of back and forth. I'd move in and move out, move in and move out. It was frustrating to say the least. He has never been an affectionate romantic person. Sex was always good though. During this time he started spending a lot of time at the neighborhood bar and grill. (Think in terms of the bar at Fridays or a similar restaurant). He has been going to this bar FOR YEARS now, at least 8. It's 4-5 sometimes 6 days out of the week. If he's not home, he is there. He doesn't go to night clubs or strip clubs. I have "popped up" on a few occasions and he is there. He goes straight after work and averages coming home around 9-10:30 on a daily basis.
To make a long story short we were to get married in 2007 and a few months before the wedding I cancelled it and moved out. We got back together a year later and I figured he had changed. He said he wanted his family, the bar and his friends were not important. We got married. We just had a son who is turning two in March. He continues to frequent this bar. When football season starts it's even worse. Monday night he goes, Tuesday goes, the weekends he'll go in the afternoon and come back late at night.
In addition if I do not schedule a "family day" or something of the sort, he will not do it. He has stopped going to church services with us. So the kids and I go on our own. He won't attend family functions if he's invited. When he's home he watches television. I've checked his phone recently and found naked pictures of women that his "bar buddies" send him. Most of these buddies are not married. They are in their 30s and are still "playing the field" I asked him why would he want to be around people like that and he says that he knows married people who cheat so what is the difference.
The other thing I've noticed is he does not initiate sex with me. If we do that it's because I ask for it.
I guess what I want to know is, why does he frequent this bar so much? I've met his "friends" and I do not like most of them. There is a girl bartender but I've met her too and she has a boyfriend and kids of her own. (Plus she is not a good looking woman). I checked his phone recently and there is a number that keeps showing up but there is no name assigned to it. I found out that it is a 'young woman'. However no other incriminating evidence was found suggesting that he's having an affair. We don't have any meaningful conversation, as I stated he is into the TV when he gets home. Does he having a drinking problem? I doubt it. On a few occasions I found him "drunk" but that's like twice a year.
I must admit he doesn't have all bad faults. He cooks us dinner pretty regularily because he enjoys doing that. He gets the kids ready for school and drops them off every morning. However simple things I'd like for him to do - he just won't do. This includes complementing me, attending church with us, having a family night. Telling me that he loves me. Spending some time with me or with us a family - on a regular basis. You see because he comes home late, the kids are in bed. At this point I will get some "hey how was your day, not bad" quick convo and that's it. He goes to bed. Repeat: WILL NOT ASK me about sex!
I am the average woman's size: 12. Down from my weight last summer which was a size 18 (still lot of baby weight). I dress pretty nice. I contribute to the bills (50/50). I take care of the kids. I work. I finished up school last year.
WHY DOES HE FREQUENT THIS BAR SO MUCH??? Please let me know your honest open thoughts based off the information I posted. I'd really appreciate it.
Get The Newsletter
Comment