[jns]

*According to him, he was in the kitchen one day when the bathroom door opened and Anne was just standing there naked. She seemed surprised to see him and he, was too. He just laughed it off because he knew it embarrassed him.

From this situation I see things a little different than the rest. At 13, Anne is old enough to pursue and she may be doing it. I don't know what your Asian culture is, but this would not be done in Southeast Asia, but I suppose a sexually abused girl might do it. And the rest of her actions are also possible with sexual abuse. I agree that your husband is playing with fire. He does not want to go to jail over there.

A question, why didn't you give her the lice treatment instead of your husband?

Your use of language is very American. I complement you on your absorption of a foreign language.

[angercake]

I really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. Thank you all so much. This means I am not alone in thinking this is inappropriate. However, I would like some advice at this point. How can I tell my husband these concerns without sounding like I am jealous? I think I've really frustrated him in the past pulling the jealousy card. He doesn't see reason because he thinks I am acting out of pure jealousy. But really, isn't it common sense?

I hate to think of "grooming". I really do. I've heard it before but I never let it cross my mind. Anne goes to school every day and visits her own family during the weekends. To be honest I don't know if she was sexually abused because I feel so bad asking her. The other night she told my husband and another helper that she used to model when she was 7 years old and her mother made her wear a Wonder bra. Now I am not sure if this is the truth or a lie. If it is true then I better ask her mother next time she visits. If it is a lie, then I don't even want to imagine the kind of lies she would tell people about my husband.

I go back and forth with this in my mind. First thinking it's inappropriate and uncomfortable and the next thinking if I'm just jealous. So I don't really know how I feel. I've had sleepless nights since posting here. You have all given me something to think about.

[Elanor-Jane]

you are NOT jealous, or atleast you shouldnt feel this way, you should be cross culturally adept or knowledgable enough by now with the internet and your good use of english to know that he is only saying u are jealous as he is open to the possibility that he is fair game to a thirteen year old in the counrty u are in. as thats how sick western men in asian countries see girls that young! if he knows this he knows he is in the wrong. whether or not she was abused or not is beside the point and is a total cop out! you are the adults, you have seen things with your own eyes that are morally wrong and if you lived in Australia or America or England you would have the child taken away

please be a responsible ADULT, this childs welfare is more important than your marriage.

[Magnetism]

I really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. Thank you all so much. This means I am not alone in thinking this is inappropriate. However, I would like some advice at this point. How can I tell my husband these concerns without sounding like I am jealous? I think I've really frustrated him in the past pulling the jealousy card. He doesn't see reason because he thinks I am acting out of pure jealousy. But really, isn't it common sense?

I hate to think of "grooming". I really do. I've heard it before but I never let it cross my mind. Anne goes to school every day and visits her own family during the weekends. To be honest I don't know if she was sexually abused because I feel so bad asking her. The other night she told my husband and another helper that she used to model when she was 7 years old and her mother made her wear a Wonder bra. Now I am not sure if this is the truth or a lie. If it is true then I better ask her mother next time she visits. If it is a lie, then I don't even want to imagine the kind of lies she would tell people about my husband.

I go back and forth with this in my mind. First thinking it's inappropriate and uncomfortable and the next thinking if I'm just jealous. So I don't really know how I feel. I've had sleepless nights since posting here. You have all given me something to think about.

If you confronted the mom, the mom wouldn't admit it and cover it up. Sexually abused kids will drop hints here and there that most adults can innocently overlook. I third on how it sounds like grooming...it all starts slow with little things like touching the arm, caressing the back, flirting and then it evolves to something more.

If you ask her straight out if she was sexually abused, she may get defensive or deny as she may have been trained to do that. There are enough concerning matters here that means you should do something about it. What options are there in the country you live in? In some Asian countries (like India), people can sadly get away with sexually abusing the child as the laws aren't prepared to deal with that.

Even if she is pursuing him as another member suggested, it's no excuse for an adult man to accept the advances.

Don't leave her alone with him. That's a start.

[Claret]

Elanor-Jane - By the way, love your Betty Page avatar! Recently I was in Las Vegas and many of the younger show-girls etc. were wearing this look. Also they had full stores devoted to her style of clothing etc. She was so scandalous in her lifetime and now it's just everyday stuff.

[Claret]

I really appreciate all the feedback I'm getting. Thank you all so much. This means I am not alone in thinking this is inappropriate. However, I would like some advice at this point. How can I tell my husband these concerns without sounding like I am jealous? I think I've really frustrated him in the past pulling the jealousy card. He doesn't see reason because he thinks I am acting out of pure jealousy. But really, isn't it common sense?

I hate to think of "grooming". I really do. I've heard it before but I never let it cross my mind. Anne goes to school every day and visits her own family during the weekends. To be honest I don't know if she was sexually abused because I feel so bad asking her. The other night she told my husband and another helper that she used to model when she was 7 years old and her mother made her wear a Wonder bra. Now I am not sure if this is the truth or a lie. If it is true then I better ask her mother next time she visits. If it is a lie, then I don't even want to imagine the kind of lies she would tell people about my husband.

I go back and forth with this in my mind. First thinking it's inappropriate and uncomfortable and the next thinking if I'm just jealous. So I don't really know how I feel. I've had sleepless nights since posting here. You have all given me something to think about.

How to you confront your husband and tell him of your fears without sounding jealous? EASY - simply take a quiet time when you are both calm, cool and collected and when the child is not in the house. You tell him the relationship with this child is not appropriate, that the happenings taking place make you uncomfortable enough to be concerned. You tell him that you will not tolerate him being alone with this child any longer and that other arrangement will have to be made. You tell him that if he doesn't comply that you will then have no recourse but to involve a child protection agency if for no other reason, than to get your suspicions taken seriously.

[Little]

Though I don't think that there is hard and fast evidence for abuse, since both the falling asleep in bed and the shower can be explained away, this is YOUR HOUSE and you can and need to set clear boundaries. If you don't want your husband and the girl interacting alone in your bedroom (or hers for that matter,) make it a rule. If you don't want them in the bathroom at the same time, make it a rule. If you have to be away for some time, have a well trusted friend come stay with them in the house or else take the child with you when possible. Don't budge. Don't waver. If he doesn't like it, he better have a good explanation as to why (hint: there's no good explanation!)

I agree with whomever else mentioned that this girl may have been sexually abused before.

I don't think you sound jealous, I think you sound confused and taken back by his strange behavior. Is there any other family who could take this girl in? I know you say that her biological family situation is not ideal, but is it worse than a potential sexual abuse situation by a "parent?"

[Magnetism]

^Right. If there's no evidence, there's a list of things that you can do. Another good family taking here in sounds like a great idea.

[-Kya-]

If your worried, you need to take the child away from the home. Yeah you right, she probably will have a better future in your home, but you need to think of her safety. You cearly dont trust your husband around her - so you either need to tell him the boundaries of their 'friendship' (which i find a little odd - a grown man and a 13 year old girl friends..?!) or take the child out. Your not going to sound jealous - Your going to sound concerned! and thats what he needs to hear.

[Elanor-Jane]

Elanor-Jane - By the way, love your Betty Page avatar! Recently I was in Las Vegas and many of the younger show-girls etc. were wearing this look. Also they had full stores devoted to her style of clothing etc. She was so scandalous in her lifetime and now it's just everyday stuff.

I cut my hair like her and when I danced I used her look, I also have her tattooed all over me I'm a big fan! Dita Von teese started out as a sort of Bettie page impersonator! It's such an awesome look and is huge now in the rockabilly and nostalgia scenes but I like to think I just took the look on before I saw others do it. Go check out my profile pic! Was so hard to find a hairdresser that was ok with the concept of cutting a round fringe!

Sorry so off topic!!!