[janett1]

Hi,

My husband of 7 years has started coming home later and having crappy excuses all the time. A couple days ago I went threw his cell phone and seen a number that wasnt right. Ever since he has been guarding his phone like a hawk so I want to go a step further than trying to find "alone time" with his phone. I recently came across the [website removed] And am thinking about spying on his cell phone. I know i can catch him in the act but not sure if this would be crossing the line? My only problem is we have a child and one on the way. i dont know if its best to take a blind eye or to investigate further?

[janett1]

Any advice is good advice. Dont worry about offending me. Im just so scared to find out its true.

[KMonte85]

The red flags are going off in your head about this and it should be addressed. If he's acting out of character, you should trust your gut and not just 'let it go'. However, be careful of going so far as using some software to spy on his activity. I believe that could potentially land you in some legal trouble, depending on where you live. Do you ever see the cellphone records? That should give you a good idea of his phone activity without any sort of privacy violation.

You say he's giving you some lame excuses for coming home late. Why are they lame? Can you disprove them? Have you called him out on it, or are you trying to catch him first before you say something?

My suggestion is to try talking to him before going to any extremes. Yes, there's a chance he may lie to you, but at least he will know that you're aware of his strange behavior and questioning it (why are you coming home so late and giving me excuses for it that we both know are bogus? Why are you hiding your phone? You're behaving questionably and out of character, and I want some honest answers).

And who knows, it may start the ball rolling for some honest communication - good or bad as that may be...

[Guest]

Ultimately, what are you trying to determine? That he's a cheater? That you want justification to leave him? That he keeps things from you? that he's not being honest?

Sounds like honest communication is lacking. I'd start there...

I've never understood the "hide my phone from my partner" game. My SO is free to go through my phone anytime her heart desires (and does frequently). I could care less.

To those of you who don't let your partner's go through your phone, what are you hiding from them?

[stressed]

You must be able to talk to him about anything, he's your partner. Why haven't you asked him any of these questions? Speak your mind, it's better for both of you and especially your marriage. Trying to hold a marriage together by pretending to not have noticed anything won't save it, plus it makes it doubtful it's worth saving. Discuss.