[poisongirl]

Is it normal for a guy to fantasize about seeing his girlfriend/wife with another man?

[Little]

I've heard of it a lot, but I'm not sure that makes it "normal."

[mr.mansview]

NO! knowing other men find your wife/gf attractive..YES

[alibaby]

It's normal, but.....

We fantasize about all sorts of things (even the weirdest of the weird). Most of the time, we never talk about it. So I think it's 'normal' to fantasize. The real issue is when someone becomes obsessed with making the fantasy a reality, and what impact that decision will have on them and the important people in their lives. This is just my opinion.

[poisongirl]

So if a guy, theoretically, DOES have fantasies about seeing his girl with another man, and wants to try it- what does that say about him? I know I could NEVER tolerate seeing my husband with another woman. NEVER, EVER! The very thought disturbs me. I can't help but wonder if a person could desire to see that, yet truly love his partner.

[mr.mansview]

perhaps he wonders if other men find you as attractive as he does..a man taking a second look at my women tells me all i need to know..i don't need to see him groping her to know if he finds her sexy..after all, some men will grope anything that has breasts..

[poisongirl]

True. I feel the same as you Dr. Mansview. It's a compliment to me if another girl is checking out my man, and makes me proud he's mine- but I wouldn't want to see him with her sexually! Likewise, it's flattering if a guy checks me out or hits on me, and I know that my husband likes it if other guys check me out. But for me it's in knowing that I have a good catch, and that somebody else might want him, but that it's ME he's with. Isn't the flattery of the whole idea the concept that the person is with YOU and ONLY YOU? I guess it's one of those things that I don't get, cause I can't understand what would be appealing about watching your significant other with someone else.

Dr. Mansview, let me ask you something if you get back on here. Do you think it's weird for a guy to want to hear details about a woman he's withs' sexual past? I don't want to know the intimate details of my husbands' sexcapades from before me, so it's another thing I can't quite understand, I guess.

[mr.mansview]

i would say that if a man wanted to know how many men you have slept with because he was thinking of proposing marriage, and wondered if the number was 2 or 22, then i would say that may be a legitimate question..he may be concerned that if the number was 22 then maybe you would not be happy with just one man..if he's asking for a blow by blow description (pardon the phrasing) of your sexual encounters, then that's giving out too much information..that's personel only to you..hope this helps..

[Susanna McDonald]

PoisonGirl:

I don’t think his desire has much to do with a lack of feelings for you but instead could be a reflection of potential self-esteem and self confidence issues that he might be struggling with. If he doesn’t think that he is keeping you satisfied, he might worry that he is about to lose you. However, if he thinks that you can obtain pleasure elsewhere, it does two things for him. First, it makes him think that he has a better chance to retain the rest of the relationship with you. And it takes the pressure off of him from an expectation standpoint when the two of you are having sex. If you are getting satisfaction elsewhere, he shouldn’t have to feel as guilty if he can’t provide it right?

I can’t help to think that it also has a lot to do with guy’s ability to disassociate sex and love. He may be able to compartmentalize the two well enough that he doesn’t view your being with another guy as being any threat to the love/emotional part of your relationship.

You might also want to look at your overall relationship and consider the fact that your guy could be simply a submissive who views your being with other guys as a sign of his love for you. I have dealt first hand with the issue in a couple of my past relationships and discovered that this is a desire of many more men than I ever would have assumed. They call it ‘cuckolding’ and there are lots of sites online discussing it. Most of them however are very much of the fantasy pornography type rather than solid discussion so be warned before you do any research!

Whatever you do, don’t give in to his fantasy unless it is something that you would want as well. I can imagine few other things that could put a relationship in greater risk than opening up a marriage in that manner. But if it is something that you are willing to explore, do so in baby steps. Maybe you can roleplay such a scenario without actually bringing in another man. See what occurs when you mention past sexual events with other guys. Or point out guys that you consider cute. Or pull up a few sexy guy pics online and show them to your man and see how he responds. You might find that his desire is rooted firmly in fantasy rather than reality. I would guess that he is way underestimating the effects that jealousy and ego will have on the reality of his fantasy. Some can handle it but most can’t. Good luck!

[Peacheskreme]

WEll.. i have to say from a female's perspective..im not normal. lol

I have fantasized about another female sucking off my guy. oops did I write that. He knows and will Never ever ever let that happen. But maybe even if there was an opportunity I may never like it. He says he only wants me and "how is that a fantasy for me?"

Our minds are crazy places. I guess i watch too much porn.

I have a suggestion: You should have him dress in a costume or wear an outfit and video tape you two. then he can play it back and at least met the fantasy half way. He could wear a mask or something. i dunno play with that