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  • Fantasies

    My husband and I have a great sex life. I love him, he loves me. We explore and try new things, and I am incredibly satisfied by him. He always asks me if I have any unfulfilled fantasies that we could explore, and I say no. But truthfully, I really would love to experience sex with him if he were more in shape. I feel like such a horrible person to say that. But he's always been bigger, since I met him, and I have loved every part of him. Sometimes though it gets uncomfortable with him on top and I imagine him having a smaller mid-section or more muscle-ly arms and abs. And yes, we do other positions besides missionary. It's just the one fantasy I have about sex is a more in-shape husband.

    Am I totally shallow and horrible? And if not, how do I tell him about my fantasies of a smaller him? I dont want to hurt him, but somehow I think sex would be more enjoyable if he lost some weight and got in shape. I know I could "discreetly" encourage him to exercise and eat better--I've tried that--but his weight has never come up in the context of sex and I'm afraid I might completely crush him if I say anything about it. And he's not really motivated to lose any weight, so exercising isnt on the top of his to-do list (it's not on mine either, but I have a high metabolism and dont have any weight issues--yet).

    any advice would be appreciated. and if I'm being mean or shallow, let me know so I can figure out why I'm thinking this way.

  • Incentivize the exercise with him. Make the incentives attainable steps. Control eating portions. Maybe make some of his fantasies come true on major milestones (keep them just between you two). Probably controlling eating portions and limiting things like soft drinks will make the most difference.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


    • Nothing wrong with fantasizing. That doesn't make you a mean person. Its just a fantasy.

      Loosing weight is a good goal, but I'm not so sure it would be a good idea to bring it up in a sexual context. Maybe just bring it up in a health sense and that he would look better, etc. If you mention that its uncomfortable when he's on top, then he will probably get very self conscious about it the next time you guys are having sex.
      Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)


      • I'm a big guy. My wife has told me it's uncomfortable with me on top (particularly in our bed, when we're in a different bed it's ok). Neither one of us is skinny. The up side is that she's much more orgasmic on top. The down side is that she claims that me on top is her favorite position. So, I know that she'd like me to be slimmer. She hasn't come right out and said it, but I know. We went on an all juice fast together for a week about a month or so, ago. I lost 10 lbs. She lost 5-6 I think. We're working on it together.

        I was a little hurt that me being on top is uncomfortable, but it wasn't the end of the world. It's just more motivation to drop a few pounds. The question is, will you act on your fantasy and help your husband do something about his weight. And just because you're not overweight doesn't mean you're in shape.
        "Those sowing seed with tears
        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


        • This makes me wonder, if my husband is thinking the same thing about me when were having sex (Im a chubby/chunky woman always been on the thick side even with dieting and exercise), or afterwards when thinking about fantasies... Hm...
          If you don't support our troops, feel free to stand in front of them!


          • Originally posted by PinkySweet View Post
            This makes me wonder, if my husband is thinking the same thing about me when were having sex (Im a chubby/chunky woman always been on the thick side even with dieting and exercise), or afterwards when thinking about fantasies... Hm...
            A lot of cultures/subcultures like thicker women. Also, in this age of the booty, curvier is better in some men's eyes. I've been with my wife skinnier and thicker. It's not a big deal, but I do prefer her a bit thicker and curvy. I think she might feel better and be healthier if she lost a few pounds though. I would rather her be healthy.

            If you were thick when you met and married your husband, you probably don't have much to worry about.
            "Those sowing seed with tears
            Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126



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