[AshB$]

Yeah, he's called me 8 times, left a voice message. He doesn't know about the ring. He's not with me. This has all happened in the last 2 hours.

[AshB$]

I am currently IMing him because I refuse to answer his calls, but he's trying to talk about wedding stuff. He's trying hard. But I feel so **** broke. I hate how guys can "mess" up and think everything can be fixed so simply.....

[AshB$]

I really don't believe that word needed to be starred out.. hm

[Aprilily]

Well, since he's trying to talk about wedding stuff I am going to assume he does not understand how much you're hurting.
Men, in general, are "fixers"-if it's broken they want to make it better, even if they are the ones who broke it. My first husband would buy me jewelry every time we had an argument because he thought it would make it all better. It obviously didn't 'coz he's my ex, but we had other issues. Your fiance is trying, so that is a plus.
Has he apologized?

[AshB$]

He's apologizing non-stop but I'm too hurt to accept it. I know it's killing him, but I cannot chill out.

[Darling]

I don't know what he did, or why you hurt. But if you love him you really need to talk it out with him. Men need to hear it, see it in your eyes. They are fixers, right now he knows he did wrong. If you want to stay in this relationship, even if your ****ed you need to talk to him.

[Ashlee T.]

Well...what did he do?

Don't sell yourself short in life. When it feels wrong, it is wrong.

[Aprilily]

I hope you're feeling better this morning.
If you need chill out time, then you need to tell him that. His constant calling isn't giving you the space you need to calm down. Let him know where you're coming from.

[Hugo-B]

Ash, you sound like a good person and I like you. Which is why I'm going to shoot from the hip and tell you this straight, because I want to see you on here telling us how well things are going, sharing advice to help other people resolve problems and telling us about all the fun you and this fiance of yours are having!: if you let all the various problems you report on her manifest into your relationship you WILL destroy it. I doubt your fiance is trained to deal with the problems you have, which means apart from supporting you emotionally, he wont be able to. You mentioned you're on AD's, do you get therapy? I think you should ask for more help/assistance. There's a good book called the six pillars of self esteem which has exercises in it to work through very simple ones) I've done them all, they work. This would be a good start for you. Like I said I'm not patronizing you, it just concerns me when I read you telling people you've cut yourself and want to die; you deserve better for yourself.

I think (and I'm not patronizing you) should get some professional help/talk to a professional. My ex had issues similar to yours and therapy effected an almost immediate difference. The she stopped going. I think if I had sent her straight away and she had kept going I'd probably be married to her now. But she didn't and the relationship grew toxic and melted. There is no shame in wanting help to overcome problems.

You deserve happiness, get out and get it.

[AshB$]

Thanks. I'm feeling calmer. Still hurt.

He lied to me. Which is hurtful because he was always constantly on me about being honest and truthful and I have been. I never lied once to him. And he always said at times it seemed like I was hiding stuff. I know he has trust issues cuz of ex's. But he shouldn't expect me to be so honest if he couldn't have done that from the beginning.