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Is a forced fantasy wrong?

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  • Is a forced fantasy wrong?

    Let me start by making it clear that my husband is my lover, soulmate, and he has absolute respect and love for me. We have been married for nearly 18 years and together since we were 16. We are a loving couple who have found our life partners for life's journey.

    We have indulged in BDSM (not extreme) and bondage for many years, and we swap roles of sub/dom with very few issues. We have a safe word, and we have tried most things. However, I have the desire to be forced to have sex with my mind telling me that it is against my will. I actually want my husband to be quite rough with me, throwing me on the bed, ripping my clothes off and holding me down. I want him to gag me with his hand and force himself on me. He could slap me and verbally abuse me. I suppose you could say that I want him to rape me.

    Am I entering a dangerous (and, perhaps, weird) area? Does anyone sympathise with this? How should I discuss this with my husband?

  • Actually, you may be surprized to know, that this scenario is the #1 fantasy of most women. I don't know why, but I agree with you. I certainly wouldn't want to be raped by a stranger, but if my husband were to come upon me and play this out, I'd be quite happy. I think it must have something to do with the fact that "he finds me so desireable, that he thinks the only way he can have me is to do it my force" or a similar thought pattern. I don't know, tell him about your desire to have this played out one evening, but also tell him you'll put up quite an objection, but that he is to overcome them. He's not to tell you where, when, or how, but to bide his time, make you wait then just do it when you least expect it or want it.
    That which we forget may as well never really happened.

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    • Nothing at all wrong as long as you have a safe-word so EITHER of you can stop it if you aren't enjoying. Its a very common fantasy - enjoy.

      One note though- but sure you are on the same page about what you want. Do you want forced sex? Verbal abuse? non-sexual hitting, degradation? Any and all are fine, but be sure that you have the same sort of scenario in mind before you play this sort of game. If you are expecting to be forced by the mysterious and elegant Count d'Arnnot, and he is calling you a dirty XX##% %#%( then you wont' have a fun time.

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      • Me and my GF do this, she really likes it. As stated above it is a very normal fantasy for women.

        I think many women find having all control taken from them due to a man's insatiable desire for them erotic and very much a thrill.
        "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

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        • Hey! Everyone has their own thing! I've always thought it'd be kind of hot to have my fiance force himself on me, not rape, lol. But you understand.
          As long as you are BOTH willing. And do not forget that safe word!
          "Hurt myself again today and the worst part is there's no one else to blame."

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          • Hello,
            Like it is stated above, it seems to be a very common fantasy. I belong to those women that wish something like that from their bf or husband. I already talked about it with mine and he at first was kind of against it. His point was that he couldn't do "bad things" to me. That means, he also had difficulties with biting me in the shoulder while having sex (something that really turns me on) or things like this. But by the time, he realised that it is erotic for him, too. Now our roles in bed are quite clear and actually never change because we both like it the way it is. Our game is always that he is the "boss" - even though he does not hurt me and we aren't into BDSM or anything.
            So, maybe let him take his time to think about your proposal and if you are into bdsm already, it should probably be no problem at all.

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            • Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!!

              Well, I thought it would be exciting, but it was absolutely amazing! Thanks to everyone for your advice on the do's and don'ts, and the 'just go for it' approach.

              Firstly, my husband and I had a good heart to heart about safe words and the ideas for making it seem real. We were determined that the first time would be an exploration into our real feelings about the fantasy. We also agreed on what we didn't want to do, however, we decided that we would 'act a bit' to keep the fantasy exciting. For example, I don't like the idea of deep oral sex (gagging) so we decided that I would use the side of my mouth or just thrust to where his fingers were on the shaft. Also, I love the idea of being held still by my throat, but I don't want to feel restricted, so he held my throat in his hand and I pushed against his hand as much as I wanted.

              I do like being slapped and shouted at as he throws me around and forces himself on me - what a turn on!! When he finally finishes me off (after about 30 minutes of this fantasy) you feel amazing. You are fighting him off, which adds to the thrill, because you know in the back of your mind that it is the person you love and trust.

              I know we all have different ideas about sex (including our partners), but this was truly amazing. You do need that heart to heart before you start, and make sure you have a safe word (blue) to stop something. We also have another word (red) to switch roles if the mood takes us. I know my husband feels more secure with this, because then he knows I am still in control of what happens to me with just one word. My husband is always anxious that sex is in my hands as we are into bondage and fantasy play, and if he knew he hurt me he would be devastated.

              Try it, you may be surprised - but have that chat and a safe word.

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              • I'm glad it worked out!
                "The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look" [I]Julius Caesar[/I]

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                • Standing applause! Bravo for you and your husband! And wait until you try "switch" on this one! ;o)

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                  • Hot stuff! How did it work out? I'm pretty vanilla but I guess I'm one of the few women who don't really have this fantasy. If anything I tend to have the dominant fantasies. Well, I didn't used to, but I guess I have developed them over the course of the past year as my guy and I played with male chastity (devices for him). Teasing a locked up guy until he drools and begs turns my insides into jelly.

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                    • I must say that I have been in a relationship (we met at school and now we're both 40) for so long we have had a chance to develop and experiment. I have more often than not been the dominant partner in the bedroom (or other venues for sex ;-)), but recently I have had fantasies about reversing the role where I am the sub. However, I wouldn't call me the sub in the instance as it is more a case of a 'forced fantasy'.

                      My husband is an understanding lover and soulmate. He is more than willing to take small steps to appreciate how we feel about the fantasy and the roleplay. After all, we have the rest of our lives.

                      At the beginning of this month we had a holiday in Florida, and because we were in a strange house and a strange environment, we decided to 'go for it'. We had just had a swim in the pool and the scenerio was that I would go for a shower and Mike would break in and force me to have sex. He grabbed me from behind in the shower and forced me to give him oral sex before he took me from behind. He then dragged me into the bedroom by my hair with his hand over my mouth before binding my hands behind my back. It was amazing! As a twist he forced me into the walk-in wardrobe, grabbed me by the throat whilst I gagged a little on his penis. Naturally he finished me off roughly on my knees.

                      It was quite a thrilling feeling, and not quite knowing what was going to happen next was the ultimate turn on. He even made me lunch and cup of tea (we are English!) afterwards.

                      Don't forget, this is a fantasy that requires trust and confidence. Without that it can lead to humiliation that a new relationship may not survive.

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                      • This is one of those excellent examples of Mark Twain's reflection: "I'm an old man, and I've known a great many troubles, and most of them never happened."

                        We often hold back in many areas of life, not just because of concerns of physical safety or loss of trust, but because we're so concerned about how others will judge us. Rape fantasies are very common among women, as others pointed out. The funny thing is that while there are monsters/actual would-be rapists walking the earth, most guys myself and all my friends included, do not fantasize about playing at raping our wives or girlfriends. We indulge this fantasy and it gives us pleasure to see them pleased. I have a very common male fantasy of my own that most women don't have. I've never been too shy about asking a lover to indulge me, and I'm glad I did.

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