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  • Oral Sex

    There is no one I can really ask on this, So I am turning to you guys. I have in the past gave my husband oral sex, I really didn't enjoy it, and he knows it. For the last couple of months ever time we are alone he ask for it or if we are in the car he'll ask when will it happen? And if I can or won't give him a time or a day he gets really upset with me! We are now at the point where we almost are not even speaking. When I have tried to talk to him about how much I dislike that all he keeps says he can not live the rest of his life with out a blow job. I just can not bring myself to do it.

  • Full disclosure: oral sex doesn't really do it for me.

    How often was the oral sex in the past compared to other sex (masturbation of the other, he giving you oral, intercourse of all types)? If it was an integral part of you two having sex, he could be considering that you are giving up on sex (intimacy in many guy's minds). Myself, I wouldn't worry if I were him, but I am not him.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • Read a book "He Comes Second" Ian Kerner Ph.D

      It might help you. If your husband is only focused on receiving oral sex, that's unfortunate. Since it is such a small part of sexual activity.

      Does your husband give you oral sex? Do you enjoy it? Does he?

      Have you considered seeing a sex therapist? Would your husband support the idea?

      It seems terribly unfortunate to me to not be speaking to each other at this point.

      What is it about giving oral sex that you don't care for? Taste? Texture? Feel? The idea of it?

      Some additional thoughts from you would be helpful.

      Comment


      • IF he is really attentive to your sexual needs, and is willing to do all sorts of things for you even if he doesn't really enjoy them, then it would be really nice for you to give him oral even if you don't like it. On the other hand, if he just wants you to please him, and doesn't care about you, then this is a real problem in the relationship, and his wanting oral is just a symptom.

        Comment


        • A little back ground here. For the first 4 years things were great. He would perform oral on me I did not like it, I am way to sensative and did more jumping then enjoying it. I would give him a small amout oral again I really did enjoy it but I did it anyway. To me it smells, and would make me sick to my stomach. He always wants this rock my world kind of sex and any other way he would not be happy. About 4 years ago we were having sex and all he did was complaine about the way we were doing it. So I just got off and rolled over very mad that he could do that at just that time. Now he seems so fixated on it.
          I should maybe mention that I have added some weight I don't feel good about myself, he has also gained weight and unless he does it from behind I can't feel anything. I feel bad about it. But with out comming right out and say something I don't really get anything out of it. So what advice can I get? I need to get out of this funk before it gets the best of me.

          Comment


          • Seems like you guys need to really sit down and have an adult, open, not accusotory conversation about it. Why has oral become so imporant in the past few years. Why don't you want to do it at all. Where is the middle ground. You both need to understand each other and be very honest with each other. You both can't enjoy sex without being honest.

            You say you can only feel it from behind. Maybe he can only feel it from oral? I don't know. Thats why you guys need to talk about it.
            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

            Comment


            • This is always a very difficult issue to deal with in a relationship.

              The obvious answer is a good compromise, however, it is quite clear that you have a major issue with giving oral sex. Perhaps the answer is to sit down and have a rational discussion about your (both of your) needs and wants from sex, and then working out between you a solution. That solution, perhaps, could be you doing something different from oral sex? Is there a role-play that your partner would like to do instead?

              You may be able to achieve a solution by offering something that he thought was not an option. I know that my husband was not that happy about being blindfolded. However, when I offered to 'surprise' him when I took it off (a role-play costume or an item of bondage equipment) he jumped at it.

              You should never feel pressured in sex. Sex in a relationship is a mutual act involving consenting adults that respect one another. The choice to give oral sex (or any other sexual act) is a matter of CHOICE. I know that my husband would never force me to do anything I didn't feel comfortable with (let alone hate doing). Boundaries - we all need them, and our partners need to understand and respect them. Good luck.

              Comment


              • To me, sex is a give and take kind of thing. I don't normally enjoy giving my Fiance blow jobs.. I have to be in the mood for it, however, I know that he enjoys them, so I give him what he likes. In return, he gives me what I like (which is also oral). I wouldn't say give it to him every single day, but at least twice a week would be nice on his part.

                Comment


                • Originally posted by ShayBride View Post
                  To me, sex is a give and take kind of thing. I don't normally enjoy giving my Fiance blow jobs.. I have to be in the mood for it, however, I know that he enjoys them, so I give him what he likes. In return, he gives me what I like (which is also oral). I wouldn't say give it to him every single day, but at least twice a week would be nice on his part.
                  A reasonable compromise.
                  I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                  ...
                  Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                  From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                  Comment


                  • Hmm. (Guy here).. I think it's difficult in a marriage as the reality is if he really likes oral sex there is only one person who can provide that. Of course there is absolutely no obligation to do so, and you shouldn't ever force yourself into doing something you don't want to.

                    I would suggest look at what it is you don't like specifically about the activity and seeing if you can find a way that makes it more palatable - I think you mentioned smell - perhaps you could have a shower together, then, under the running water, perform oral on here for a bit? As others have said though, this should just be a tiny part of a diverse and satisfying (for both) part to your relationship. The issue I guess is the human nature of generally wanting what we know we can't have. Another suggestion might be to find something you can do that gives a similar feeling/experience for him - perhaps using a water based lubricant and your hands. That said, sex is for both of you - so make sure you are enjoying it too and again, as others have said - you need to talk about this with him (something that is often hard to do).

                    Not sure if that was of any help?

                    Comment

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