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  • AshB$
    Veteran Member
    • May 2011
    • 272

    Hanging out with another male while engaged.

    What is your opinion on this?

    My ex (never engaged) would flip a b. about this even though he was on the other said of the world.

    My fiance also has a hugeee problem with this. At first I thought, he is being a little controlling and insecure. The insecure part may be true. I thought it was stupid. I mean, if he trusts me, which he should, what's the issue?

    But then I got to thinking... If he hung out with a girl without me, I'd be jealous too. Even if it was just a friend. I do trust him. But I think it'd make me a little upset.

    Anyone agree/disagree?

    I know everyone is different. Just depends how you feel personally.
  • DreamP346
    • Oct 2011
    • 2053

    Since getting married, I have made any new guy friends but I still do hang out with the old ones. Never alone, but not intensionally. It's just that we have families now. It depends on your relationship. I also hang out with my lesbian friend. He doesn't get jeolous over that. Why get jeolous with a guy friend.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

    Comment

    • AshB$
      Veteran Member
      • May 2011
      • 272

      I think it's an insecurity thing.

      Comment

      • rosekitten
        Veteran Member
        • Aug 2011
        • 381

        My husband was deployed for a year and he never minded if I hung out with guys. Some husbands did, and we (my husband and I) think it's silly. If he wants to go hang out with friends, he's welcome to, gender doesn't play a factor in it.

        Comment

        • AshB$
          Veteran Member
          • May 2011
          • 272

          I think my fiance is a little too strict on that rule, but I think trust and maturity will help out a lot in the future. We're still growing.

          Comment

          • jns
            Assistant Admin
            • Mar 2010
            • 8398

            Some people are more trusting than others. Those who are trusting will gradually get back to trusting even after they have been hurt. They may stay away from intimate relationships, but will have trust of their friends. Those who don't trust, probably won't become more trusting as time goes on.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment

            • Little
              • Feb 2007
              • 4329

              My husband has no problem with me hanging out with guy friends. He doesn't care if he's there or not, he doesn't care if it's morning or night, he doesn't care if it's a group hangout or one on one, and sometimes he even watches the baby so that I can go hang out with my friends - guys, girls, whatever. We have a secure relationship, are very compatible, have minimal problems.

              But considering that your fiance IS insecure, your relationship IS NOT stable or secure, and you guys have BIG BIG BIG problems ... I don't know if I'd rock the boat in your shoes. At least, not if I wanted to batten down the hatches and secure the relationship.
              <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

              Comment

              • LittlePip
                Senior Member
                • Jun 2012
                • 110

                I agree with Little, above. Whilst his behaviour is a little controlling, hopefully he will learn to trust more with maturity, of both himself and your relationship together. I would make an effort to involve your fiancé with your male friends, they might get on well and everyone wins, he makes a new friend, you see more of your male friends, you get to hang out with all your favourite guys at the same time. If they don't get on personality wise hopefully your fiancé will just let you get on with it to avoid having to hang out with someone he's not compatible with again!

                The only question you should ask yourself is are you certain this man is only a friend and there are no stronger feelings from either side? If you have a clear conscience then you are in the right.
                Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

                Comment

                • AshB$
                  Veteran Member
                  • May 2011
                  • 272

                  I agree. I don't really have any desire to go hang out with any guys anyway.
                  I know the problem is he has been hurt before. Having girlfriends "hang out" with guy friends and they end up cheating.. And I know it's not okay that he puts that on me. But I know he'd be totally scared about it. But I am okay with it. I don't want to hang out with any males. I am more attracted to females anyway. I wouldn't want him with any other women either though. I'm the jealous type.

                  He is totally fine with everyone hanging out together. I'm not too concerned about it. At least me and him agree on this.

                  Comment

                  • cat_like_reflexes
                    Junior Member
                    • Jul 2012
                    • 8

                    99% of the time the guy friend wishes he could be with you lol and we guys aren't stupid. The other 1% dont' want to steal you but would sleep with you if given the chance lol

                    Comment

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