[Grapeape]

My husband masterbates in his van at work. Is this wierd?

[Guest]

Read your question ten times? The answer should be pretty obvious.

Yes, it's weird and could be very uncomfortable for him and for you when he gets caught doing so.

You might want to do something about it, like seek professional help for him, before his employer does...fires and/or prosecutes him. Perhaps couples counseling?

[Grapeape]

Believe me I think it is wierd. I was just hoping there were other people that have had it happen to them. He was looking at porn and I made him stop doing that be he still finds pictures and stuff for visuals. We have a lot more problems than just this. He will not go to counseling. He lies and says he doesn't do it but I have found proof that he does.

[jns]

Does he do this while driving or while parked?

[Guest]

Then this is probably just a 'symptom' of many more serious issues and you apparently know that.

If he won't go to counseling at your request or his own realization that he needs to, then it's probably going to take an arrest, loss of employment or embarrassment at work to get him to do anything, if he does anything at all.

If I were you, I'd start preparing myself for one or all of these events to occur. How will you handle it? What will you say, to friends, neighbors, relatives and co-workers?

Just like an alcoholic needs to reach the bottom, on their own terms, before they seek help, if they ever do, it appears your husband is in about the same spot.

[Hugo-B]

Does he do this while driving or while parked?

This is a good point. If you have found 'evidence' and he has not admitted it, then he could be, as you say masturbating. I'm assuming you have proof he is ejaculating in his vehicle? Do you have proof he is ejaculating via masturbating or is that conjecture?

Alternatively he could be having phone sex - so yes masturbating - but to an adult 'chat' line or down the phone to someone he knows or has met online.

I agree, this 'evidence' (I'm assuming 'used tissues' or semen in his underwear or work trousers) is indicative of a bigger problem.

[Grapeape]

Ok here's the whole thing. For the last few years he has been stealing my pain pills and lying abou it. I would hide them in many different places and he would always search while I was gone and find them. I tried some pretty crazy places and he would find them. I would tell him I knew he took them and he would deny it. He looked me in the eyes many times and lied. I knew he was lying. He is not vey good at it. At times he would even say "Do you have proof". So last week I did find my pills in his work van and brought them to him and told him now I have proof. He finally told me he was sorry and that he had been doing it because he is in a lot of pain from work. I went with him to the doctor and we are trying to get that part fixed. He would not go to counseling and we are trying to get through that. Then last week I found out that he had been going to porn sites a lot. He did admit it and said he did not masterbate at work but did masterbate to the porn. I could tell from the time of day that he went to the site that it was while he was at work. He said he would not go to porn sites anymore. So far he hasn't. But yesterday he was looking at pictures on his phone of naked woman. You could not see nipples or vagina but apparentlt this was still enough skin to masterbate to. Last night I went to his van and found a paper towel that was actually stuck to a book in his van and that had semen on it. So I know for sure he is doing it there. I would not mind if he needed to masterbate sometimes because we have 3 kids and its hard to have sex all the time. I am trying to make sure we have the chance to have sex 1 to 2 times a week. When we were having the issues with him lying to me I was not having sex with him because I had pretty much given up.
Now I just need to get this figuired out and get him to quit lying. I am having trouble letting go of the other stuff too. I am trying to heal my self and him at the same time. He doesn't help much but we have been together since we were 16, so its been about 20 years. I can't just give up on us. I wanted to many times and when he would crush me because he would start stealing from me again. I am hoping I can fix all this. he will not go to couseling so I am reading up on the internet and that is also why I joined this group. I was hoping I could get some great advice. I should probably have left along time ago but I can't seem to do. He lies, he is not good at showing affection, he is not good at communication, he doesn't have a clue about romance but I just can't give up.

[Hugo-B]

Last night I went to his van and found a paper towel that was actually stuck to a book in his van and that had semen on it. So I know for sure he is doing it there.

How do you know he didn't take the book into a toilet somewhere (obviously rolled up in his pocket or disguised in a magazine) and then just throw it in van after?

I agree there are issues which need to be addressed, but I don't feel this is cast iron evidence of public masturbation.

[Grapeape]

If he was doing it in a bathroom that would be great. But the papertowel was from his box he has in his van, they are industrial paper towels, I really don't think he would take one in with him and then bring it back out when he was done.

[jns]

What's with these guys. There are a lot of guys who would almost kill to have sex with their SOs once or twice a week even if finding time to do it was challenging. I don't get it.