[celestexoo]

I know my boyfriend and I won't be engaged for awhile because we're both still in school and it wouldn't really make sense financially, BUT - I have so many questions about rings! Is there a good way to possibly hint at what sort of ring you may like? Is it okay to be completely obvious in the situation and have a full-on discussion and select a ring together? I guess that would prevent the stereotypical "down on one knee proposal" (or not necessarily if he just used the ring chosen together)... and how much is too much for an engagement ring? I'm absolutely babbling. Okay. Opinions on any of this? :P

[KMonte85]

Your best bet is to go to a couple of jewelers and talk to them. They'll explain to you the difference between rings, why some cost so much more than others (even if the same karats), show you different styles, etc. How much is too much for a ring depends on a person's financial circumstances. A $2000 engagement ring might be way too much for some people to afford, while it could be considered pennies to others. This depends on what your boyfriend (or you if you're splitting costs) has to spend on a down payment, and what sort of financing plan he can get for the rest.

Again, go to the jewelry store and talk to the people. They're usually very nice and not super pushy.. although they will sway you towards the bigger diamond rings since they work on commission.

I'm a big proponent of a couple checking out rings together. You have to wear this thing on your finger for conceivably the rest of your life, you want to leave that up to chance? If you're really against ruining the "surprise" (although even if you pick the ring, you still don't know WHEN he's proposing), you can always go to the store yourself, see what style you like, and then tell your boyfriend so he's got an idea when he goes to a jewelry store on his own.

[rosekitten]

..Financing plan... for a ring? Why start off a marriage with debt like that, when most people spend their entire lives trying to get out of it? I'd say, for cost, it should be however much he's/you're willing to save up for it. Decide if it's important to you that it be a real diamond, of if it doesn't matter so long as it's beautiful. CZ is a whole lot less expensive, looks just as beautiful, and nobody will know unless you tell them. I ended up choosing a stone that wasn't traditional, is beautiful, and unique. Even though the stone I have is worth more than a diamond, I get the occasional "oh, your husband couldn't afford a real ring?" At the end of the day, all that matters is that the two of you are happy. And, if you can't afford your "dream" ring now, let him know what it is, and hint (maybe not so subtly) that you'd like it for a 5 or 10 year anniversary. lol

[Claret]

Well, if he formally hasn't asked you, I don't see why you would want to clue him in on the type of ring you would like. I'd probably be laying other groundwork such as - as a couple how do you make decisions on a daily basis? Do you talk to each other of decisions or does one or the other make a decision and then tell the other?

However, if the consensus is that you will, in the future, be getting engaged - then you might ask him what type of ring he prefers and have him show you, then you could steer him towards the ones that you like. Price might be a factor, and maybe this doesn't have to be the "forever" ring. If the price of any particular ring seems steep, you could offer to pay a portion of it too.

As in all things, when selecting a ring, deferr to the professional jewellers. The three main criteria in selecting a diamond, is "colour, clarity, and carats". You may opt for a small number of carats in order to get a higher quality diamond, one with less occulsions. You may opt for a Champagne coloured diamond and bigger carats. The choice is yours to make at that time.

[DreamP346]

Have you guys started talking about eventually settling down or is this just your dream? If you haven't talked the reality of together-forever, then rings is a little too premature. Things like how long you plan to wait before marriage, where you will live, how many kids you want to have, etc. These are the true realities of marriage. When those types of discussion start to happen, then you can discuss rings.

There are many ways to do it and it really depends on each person/couples:
1) Be up front and go to a jeweler together and decide together. You will have to wear it for the rest of your life and also bear the costs of the ring together. So it can be a joint decision you make about style and expense. This is especially important if he is the type that will overspend money you don't have
2) Tell him what you want with size, basic design, etc, but let him do the buying so it will still be a surprise.
3) Don't talk to him directly, but leave not so subtle hints like pictures of rings circled around the house.
4) subtly hint like saying things while watching a move how much the ring the actress is wearing is beautiful. This only works if you man is the type that picks up on subtlty
5) totally let him pick because you want to wear something he picked just for you by himself. This only works if he has good taste and knows what you like

[KMonte85]

..Financing plan... for a ring? Why start off a marriage with debt like that, when most people spend their entire lives trying to get out of it?

Some jewelers have an awesome financing plan... such as 18 months no interest. You better believe I would jump on that wagon, even if I had the money in the bank. Debt can be beneficial if kept within one's means.. regular, on-time payments can increase a person's credit score, and furthermore if you have your assets in an interest bearing, liquid account (even something as simple as a money market), you can earn interest on the money you haven't paid in a down payment, while you make interest free payments for the duration of the interest free period.

[lizzardb63]

The way I hinted was when we were walking in the mall one day and walking past the jewelry stores I said "Hey, lets go look!" and so i kinda wandered through the earrings and necklaces and magically ended up by the engagement rings. He came by me and I was like "Oh that's one is so pretty" and "wow, I like that one"...he agreed and I think he got the hint. It clued him in that I was browsing and didn't mind the idea of marrying him. But, some guys don't pick up on that that well. If you really want him to know just sit him down and say "I know we're not talking about marriage for a while, but would you mind if we went and looked so I can see what I like?" He might be up for it!

[RoseK]

Hey,

What an exciting subject, there is nothing quite as awesome as thinking about your engagement ring!

To answer your questions:
1) There are lots of great ways to hint at engagement rings you want. If you are browsing online e-ring retailers (like JamesAllen.com), leaving your computer open to the specific ring you want. If you want to be more direct, you can even email a ring you've designed to your boyfriend with a cute note:-)
2) It's totally OK to discuss the ring you want and choose it together. Remember, he's not the one who has to wear it every day! Make sure you let him know what you want!
3) There is no such thing as "too much" and there is not "right" amount to spend on an engagement ring. It really depends on your budget and how much you have set aside for the ring. My advice is def not to overspend. There is no need to go into debt or take out a loan to buy a ring. By the nicest, best quality ring within your budget- but don't overspend. I bought a stunning engagement ring from (Edit website details, not necessary)for around$3,000. They have a really helpful customer service team that can help you select a setting and diamond within your budget. Their prices are also very fair to begin with.

Hope this helps. Let me know if you have any more questions!

[SaharaJim]

I have two words for you: Estate Jewelry! The "Mall Jewelers" are generally a "rip off". They sell diamonds and the like for "retail" that is in fact a gross inflation of the "actual value" of the stones. They take advantage of your desire to reflect your love in a ring. Steer your fiance in the direction of a vintage engagement ring by taking him to the "computer sites" for estate jewelry. Yes ..yes.. we are talking "used" rings...like we are talking used mercedes and bentlys. As with all stones you will want to shop for COLOR, (how fine a color of stone :"whiteness" for a diamond, but richness of color for other stones like rubies emeralds and saphires); CLARITY (how clear as in "see through" the stone is- foggy or "occluded"stones are MUCH LESS valuble and hint at a "flawed" natural stones as opposed to the "perfect" unfllawed stones- which often are "lab created" and FAR less valuable) CUT( the shape the stone is 'cut' into- cushion and ovals are more valuble than marquis or diamond shapes) and finally CARAT (how large the stone is- and depending on the type of stone. a large burma ruby is worth more than a large diamind of equal quality. A large saphire of extremely good quality is worth less than a smaller diamond of less quality. IMHO diamonds are WAY over priced as a result of clever marketing and an "excellant" advertising campaign by the major retail supplier. But check out sites like FAY CULLEN and ISRAEL ROSE and you will see that for the price paid you will get ten times the ring than if you shop at the "mall jewelers". Plus your selection will be a thousand times better than any but the largest of local jewelers. I narrowed the field down to six rings and gave my ex-wife her choice of three. She chose the burma ruby in a vintage setting. I bought it for a very modest price and she took it in to be "appraised" for insurance purposes and it was "appraised" for almost three times what I had paid through an "estate jewelry" site.

[rcoreyus]

I have a really different outlook on this. I was married when I was quite young and poor. I got my wife an inexpensive (~$300 in today's dollars) ring that was the sort of unusual design that I thought she would like. She loved it. Later when I had more money, I got her a more expensive ring for our anniversary, and she loved that too and usually wears it. We've been married for >25 years so I guess an inexpensive ring works.

Please do not go into debt for a ring (or a wedding) - no reason to put such stress on your relationship. In fact I'd suggest hinting that expensive jewelry DOES NOT matter to you. The ring is a token - just a symbol of his love - it is not itself love. A more expensive ring doesn't mean more love, just that he spent more. Expensive engagement rings to me just seem to say "look at what he paid for me - I could be bought for a 2 carat diamond....".

Your friends may not be jealous of your ring now, but if you love each other and have a happy marriage, they will be jealous of that.