[sexnlove]

I am remarried about a year and my husband and I have a new baby of four months. We are very happy with this baby and I also have one other son whom is 5. I sometimes feel sad in my marriage because I do not know if my husband really loves me. He says he does, but it feels like i cannot be myself with him, it is like he is emotionally absent from me. He comes home, usually doesn't even kiss me when he hasn't seen me all day and sometimes it feel like it really doesn't matter if I am here. He would be just as happy if I wasn't. He said so himself, he is a happy person either way. He doesn't give me enough affection or sexual love. I have begge him for more but he won't. I wish I could just be me with him but it feels like its impossible to be. I can't be myself sexually with him, and he barely ever wants sex and I want it all the time. He is so independent from me that sometimes its like he is fine alone. With no affection. He hasn't boughten me gifts on any holidays, yet he works and pays all our bills. He is much more affectionate when I'm looking good. He treats me like a lot of my ideas are dumb, by not even looking at me when I talk about important issues. I really feel like he could care less if I wasn't here. I am really affectionate and passionate, and sometimes he will eat right before I make dinner and sometimes I make food for us and end up eating alone and then he will eat it later. He never cooks for me, or rarely helps clean our house. I thought love was support to be exciting. But it's not with him. He's really boring. My ex was too crazy and so I thought being with a guy who has his life together is stable financially etc would fix a lot but instead I'm bored out of my mind and craving manly affection and sex. Sometimes I feel like finding it some place else since he doesn't seem to want me.

[rcoreyus]

Has he always been like this?

[jns]

It almost sounds like you are a trophy. Have you two tried counseling?

[sexnlove]

Wow...jns
That is so sweet! I posted a thread on another place today asking for advice, i think i am not perfect but i try **** hard. I moved to europe after marriage for my husbands work. We had sex this morning..and he fakes it again, i confronted him and he finally confessed he is too busy cumming to porn over me. He has been sexually starving me for a year. He denies me constantly, wont let me give him any oral, and of course isnt giving me any. I have offered to watch porn with him, but he prefers alone, and getting off it it instead of me. He ignore the issues and im vey unsatisfied as now it will be 3 days again when i did not even get there today. He wants me to play with my toy and not need him so he can have his porn. I love sex and do not know what to do. I feel so sad, as my first husband looked at porn and cheated on me. He was abusive as well. And now my second marriage, he wont have sex with me and when he does he is selfish. I use to think I was a trophy, until I now feel like i will never be good enough. Maybe lose weight, maybe a boob job. It is like I have problems all the time. I wonder why my life just cant be ok, it cant be normal. I have been thru so much in my life already and it feels like the pain never stops. Im tired. Everyone looks at me thinking i have it all. The looks, the bewutiful kids, living in europe but the truth is...ive been ruined from love several times thruout my life, married a drug addict cause he gave me the affection and attention i craved, had a son and he is now broken because i stayed too long. Now, i married a doctor..the complete opposite, have alot of money, and i, not happy. He gets mad at me and says leave him alone when i try and communicate. Im wrong for wanting sex, and wanting to communicate, ive made my needs very clear. What is your advice to me, being you probaly have lived a lot longer then me and have also experience. Thanks in advance,

[sexnlove]

Oh, his reponse to counseling is he doesnt have time.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hun, I am looking at your title and remembering your other threads.

"Good guys are no good"
"Good men are boring"

I am thinking you mean , "bad boys are no good" . " men with money wanting a trophy wife are boring"..

I think JNS hit it on the head.

I also think you were not in love when you married, but thought this may be a better match than the previous.

The honest answer to this is ,both were wrong selections.

Your now husband may have spent many a time by himself before you, masterbated to porn, worked many an hour, felt he had to get married have children and in effect if you think about that used you .

You, perhaps said, he has to be better than the last.. And, tried.

He wont do counselling, nor have sex with you, nor watch porn with you, he wants to be alone, but with a wife as she has his child.

IDK hun.. Love and happiness is way more important, you have made a mistake.

What do you want to do about it.

[sexnlove]

I think since I have tried to fix it and he wont, i should leave. The problem is i have very little money, maybe enough to make it back into the USA as a flight ticket alone is two grande, and then what? No car, no job, two kids, i feel so sad. I failed again, i feel like drinking to numb the pain. I have been thru so much and just cant seem to make good choices and i wonder why. I make bad choices and thinking im making good ones. I am just a beautiful **** up i guess. My poor boys, what did i do. Bring another baby into the world...i love them so much but what if im too broken and lost to provide for them because my emotional mind is wrecked. Ive never had problems with sub stances but i feel like i am wanting to numb the rejection. I lost the only man who cared deeply for me, my dad when he was only 48 and my mom is emotionally sick and cannot be there for me. The only person i really have is my husband and thats it. Two marriages, two children, im just broken. I dont think anything can take away this sadness i feel. Nobody looking in sees me. The real me. How so i live with myself after making these mistakes? My first son is screwed. From my last marriage, he watched his dad hit me and spit in my face etc. why cant i just find love and someone who can give me back what i give? Why is my heart so big i keep on trying...but failing, what am i doing wrong?

[sexnlove]

I cant make friends because im afraid of rejection, i cant keep marriage together, i failed with my first son, and sometim depression is so bad as i have struggled with it since fourteen where there were years i couldnt move my body out of bed due to the pain of being awake, i have always been hiding from something and am not sure what it is. I have major anxiety, depression but am so pretty it confuses people. Nobody sees me. Nobody. I look so put together...but im in a million pieces. Why cant i just have confidence and also make love work. I am not good enough, people dont like me and i have not a clue why...maybe i feel that way but itis my own self or maybe not...my mind is a mess

[DreamP346]

sexnlove, there are a bunch of things you need to do.

First - focus on yourself. I would recommend going to a therapist to help you sort through the emotional toll all this is taking on you.

Second - become more independent. Don't rely on your husband so much, emotionally or financially. Make new friends. Try to connect with old ones. Facebook is a great way to do that. Get your own bank account. You need to have your own money and not be dependent on your husband. Tell him that he needs to give you a portion of his pay every month so you can manage the household and also be more independent of him and not have to bother him so much. He may like the idea that you won't nag at him for attention so much. But don't spend all the money. Learn to save. You need to learn to feel more secure about yourself. its not going to happen overnight and just walking out right how without a plan won't help.

Third - get a lawyer and see what your options are. You are entitled to half of everything including child support.

I am not saying leave your husband, I am saying get yourself in a strong place. Once you are in a better place emotionally and financially, re-evaluate your situation and talk to your husband. You shouldn't stay with him just because you feel trapped and don't have any financial options. You should be with him because you want to build a life with him. When he sees that you are about to walk, he may be open to therapy. But you need to be in a position where he believes you really will leave him.

Remember, you need to be strong for your children. Its not just yourself you are thinking about.

[rcoreyus]

Many things to say, not much time:

It is not normal for a man to prefer porn to making love to their beautiful wives. There are some that do, but this is abnormal and a sign of his having a real problem. It is absolutely his problem, not something you are doing or not doing.

Sex is a very important part of a relationship, if you sex life is unhappy, you will be unhappy - so its very important to find a way to fix this.

There are good men out there who are not boring, or abusive, men who will love you and who you would be happy with. You need to find them - and they may not stick out in a crowd. They may be the nice friendly, quiet guys.

For example, a male friend of mine (just recently married) - unassuming, attractive, but doesn't dress in a way that would make it obvious. Friendly - but not loud or wild. If you learn a bit more about him, you would find he is an excellent athlete - didn't quite make the US olympic team, but almost did. He scuba dives, skis, etc. You'd never guess from his clothes, but he is quite wealthy. He's an engineer with a solid long term carreer. A year or tow ago he and his girlfriend were in a boating accident - and he quite literally saved her life - getting her to safety in rough water and sea cliffs - at a real risk to his own life.


The reason I say this is that you shouldn't feel you need to settle - there really are nice interesting people out there. You don't need to choose between interesting "bad boys" and dull "nice guys".