[Hoda]

Well.. my husband watches porn now everyday and I think sometimes masturbates to it too which really really hurts and makes me feel very bad about myself and how I look. I just consider it cheating. I got depressed after that. The worst thing is that I think he is using me for his pleasure because I've realized that he watches porn and then wants to have sex with me, I even think he imagines some one else instead of me when we are in bed.
He says he loves me and all and tries to make his best during intercourse, but I think he is only imitating porn. What should I do? I did try to look good to him but nothing seems to be enough. He keeps lying to me every time i ask him and this hurts me even more. He spends most of his time alone and only spends time with me if he wants "sex". Other than that, checking websites and then some porn.
He knows it hurts me and is something against our religion.

[Hugo-B]

Watching porn isn't bad in itself, i.e., someone watching porn isn't 'evil' or abusive, or using, or cheating on their partner.

The issue here is that your husband watches porn despite the negative impact it has on you, how you feel, and your relationship.

Dp you think he knows exactly how much this bothers you, and how insecure it is making you feel? How are you sure he is lying when he says he thinks you look good?

I didn't realize how big a problem porn addiction was until I joined this site, there are many threads discussing this problem and many posters have received good advice. Although it is not something I've tried - and is maybe not something you have thought about - a male chastity device was reported to be an effective solution to this problem since it physically prevents the man from being able to masturbate, just something to think about...

[jns]

There are others who defend porn use. I even defend it when it is a point of agreement in a couple or in between long stretches apart. But it is fantasy and it can have a negative effect on a relationship in several ways. Where the partner feels as if she or he is just being used as a substitute for the fantasy partner is one of the ways.

Porn can get a person excited and ready to go at having sex. After a while of doing it this way, it becomes almost the only way to get excited to have sex. The way to break this habituation is to not look at porn for a long time and not have sex during that time. Then go back having sex again without using porn.

Hoda, was there a time when your husband didn't watch porn? Did you wonder if he was thinking about someone else at that time? Maybe a pretty girl down at a shopping area?

I was asked about why I close my eyes a lot of times during sex. I thought about it and examined it and came up with an explanation. Many times I need to focus to hit orgasm and ejaculation. It has became worse as I have aged and now I have erectile dysfunction. The ED does not kill everything, but it has to be dealt with. To focus and reject background distractions, I many times take a mental snapshot of a specific look that I think is sexy and excites me. That may not be sex organs but it may be. Other things may be the shape of one of her legs. It may be the ripples in her back. it may be a certain look on her face. etc.

Hoda, when you say he is fantasizing someone else, does he have his eyes open? If so is he looking at you or is he in a dreamy, unfocused state? If he is looking at you, I would say he is focusing on you. If he is in a dreamy state or has his eyes closed, you should ask him what he is thinking about at those times. It is possible that if he has been accused of doing "wrong" continuously it has driven him to do "wrong" more often.

[JanieMarie]

I feel for you. This is one of the most common threads on every womens forum I've read. Porn is fine when kept in balance. The problem is that so many men get sucked in and can't quite when they want to. It really can be addicting and men can spend hours every day unable to pull themselves away from the computer. I'm not saying that's always the case, but it is common.

Chances are he knows what he's doing to you and how you feel about it. He may want to stop and to spend more time with you and less with his hand, but it's possible that he just doesn't have the willpower to do it. You really need to open up those lines of communication with him and find out how he feels. Try to get in his head and really understand him. Then make sure he knows how you feel as well. If he wants to stop or cut back but can't then I would agree with buddahboy that a male chastity device is definitely a great option. They are inexpensive and can be found at most online adult stores (or just search for ******* on Amazon).

The device will help him kick the habit (which usually takes about 21 days) by physically preventing him from accessing his own equipment. The nice side-effect of using a male chastity device is that his sexual energy will start to build and it will be redirected from the computer to you, the womderful girls who literally holds the keys to his pleasure. This sexy dynamic is fun and interesting enough to entice couples to try male chasity play purely for the pleasure and excitement it can generate. I personally know several couples who, after breaking the porn habit, have continued to feature chastity play as their main sexual outlet for months or even years afterwards.