[Shef]

Hi i am having my marraige life for almst 2 years. My husband loves me so much. Everything was going so nice untill his sister who used to live abrOad came here for good.from the very begining she used to control or kind of dominate and interfare in to our life. She has a habit of getting her things( all work) done by telling others. She has a very pathetic relation with her inlaws. Nd 24 hrs complains about them.nd when she talks she she lies most of the time. My husband told me way bfore and alert me tht her sister jst talks too much while the real fact is actully little.she jst axaggerates everything. Every one in the house is used to her nature nd ignores her.nd she dosnt bother a bit.she evn said sme dirty complains abt her in laws infront of her husband several times. Bt as usual every one ignores. Only her mom enjoys while she talks when we all sit together.now she also started to tak abt her life with the maid we have.this is the nature of my sister in law.whenevr we went fr a trip she nevr wnted us to sleep in a separate room. Whn evr we were in a car she always sits in middle nd one day she sed it directly tht y do u have to sit beside ur hsband ??? Its been 2 yrs nd asked me to sit othrside... Nd me being so nice did wht so evr she
Asked.

Now i never botherd wht she does nd as my husband alert me i also ignore her this nature lilke everyone does.i do a job nd i feel like this is no way important in my lfe untill the she somehow started ruining my personal life.till today me my husband never went nywhere fr a couple trip nd evn if we plan she is there to come. She jst can nt let us hang out with frnds or go somewhere.she plans smthing else nd let my husband knw tht we family shod dine out smewhere or go else exactly the day whn we plan. In weeknd when me nd my hubby went to my mother's house ..where my mom cooks all day fr a dinner she at evening let her kid call my hubby evrytime nd make her kid ask whn we r coming..!! Its happneimg evry time. Nd i can see tht my husband being unable to understand ny issue. Now evn i get scared to go to her house cuz if i go i have to do the work for her she needed to do tht day. I hv started noticing everything she started to do in my life bt i am vrry calm girl nd jst cnnt say nything in sm1 face. I call my mother nd cry over phne nd share wih her .

Few days bak i was insulted by the maid of this house.whn i was making brkfast at weeknd fr evryone the maid asked me to make a cup of tea for her. I jst cldnt belv wht i hrd. I offcrse didnt do it. Bt i said it to my husband nd he said to ignore her. I blv tht the maid got this chance becuz of my absence my sis in law with her mom must discussed abt me negatively tht gave her a chance to tak. Evn now i m quite.

But today sme of our frnds were planing to go to beach site fr a couple trip nd the frst thing my husband sed tht he wants to take his sis nd her husbnd with her kid. Tomorrow we had barthday invitation where only me nd my hubby got invitation bt he told me he wants to take her sister's kid. I m jst wondering why it cant be only us fr nything?? Y dsnthe undrstand??? Nd how cn i make him undrstnd tht smtimes it is wnderful to have time fr us only. How do i say to him??? I jst cnt be paitient ny more... She is gettin invle in evry issue. Pls help.

[KMonte85]

Shef, welcome to the forum! I'm sure it felt good to be able to write down all these feelings.

You need to speak up. You need to defend yourself. I know you say it is your nature to be quiet and calm, but you are being taken advantage of. Your sister in law is acting very poorly because everyone is allowing her to. Even the maid sees this, and so she is following her actions.

There are two things you need to do, in my opinion. 1) you need to give your sister in law strict boundries, meaning you should tell her that she is not invited along when you and your husband go out, you will be sitting next to him in the car, etc. You will not be doing her housework when you are there. 2) You need to explain to your husband exactly how you feel and tell him that he must be your partner. He needs to step up and tell his sister exactly the same thing you are telling her - to mind her own business and stop interfering with your life.

Until you do this, until you stand up for yourself, your sister in law will never change.

[Shef]

Shef, welcome to the forum! I'm sure it felt good to be able to write down all these feelings.

You need to speak up. You need to defend yourself. I know you say it is your nature to be quiet and calm, but you are being taken advantage of. Your sister in law is acting very poorly because everyone is allowing her to. Even the maid sees this, and so she is following her actions.

There are two things you need to do, in my opinion. 1) you need to give your sister in law strict boundries, meaning you should tell her that she is not invited along when you and your husband go out, you will be sitting next to him in the car, etc. You will not be doing her housework when you are there. 2) You need to explain to your husband exactly how you feel and tell him that he must be your partner. He needs to step up and tell his sister exactly the same thing you are telling her - to mind her own business and stop interfering with your life.

Until you do this, until you stand up for yourself, your sister in law will never change.

Hi thanks fr sharing nd giving me mental support..!! I m thinking one thing tht if i say evrything to my husbnd he might tke me to a negative way. Might think tht i m complaing all time abt his sister. Jst as she is cunningly doing all these , i want also to speak up bt in a more convincing way to my husband. How shold i say my husbnd tht she shldnt cme with us al time in all party? Pls help

[KMonte85]

Shef, you know your husband best, so you must think of the best way to approach him so he'll see your point of view. Maybe being direct with him is not the best way if you think he will get angry. So what do YOU think will work?

To be honest, I've never met a man who would get angry if his wife asked him that his sister butt out so they can spend more quality time together alone. This is completely astounding to me that you should even be in this predicament!

Maybe if you approach the issue by asking for more alone time together, without going into anything negative with his sister? You don't have to say anything bad about your sister-in-law, but just ask that once in a while you two go and do things together (ALONE) so you can enjoy each other's company more fully. Say you don't mind spending time with her too (even if you don't), but you also really value the time you two are able to spend on your own...

Do you think that might work?