[Magnetism]

Did you mention marriage when dating, or did he propose to you on his own? When did you mention marriage during the relationship? Did you let him know early on that you would like kids someday, like 3 months of dating or so? Did you wait a few years?

I'm just curious. I'm concerned that a woman mentioning marriage may scare a man off or kill the attraction? To all the men, would you rather have your girlfriend be upfront on what she wants to see in her future? A family member in my life keeps asking if I found a man to marry, but he doesn't understand that it's not realistic to find a man overnight and marry him. I really don't know how you're supposed to get a man to marry you.

[KungFuKitty]

woyuldnt you rather have the solid relationship BEFORE marriage? i suppose you could find a mail order husband if a husband was all you wanted,but i would rather the relationship be solid enough to last past the honeymoon phase.

[Magnetism]

Yes, but I'm wondering how people know when the man they're in a relationship with is interested in taking into another level. Of course I want a solid relationship, but I don't want to be in something that's not going to go anywhere.

Time and time again, I have been handed the arranged marriage option on a silver platter. If I'm going to keep getting myself involved in relationships that don't go anywhere, the more my family is going to push for the arranged marriage option.

[Magnetism]

With all my threads on dating men and women, I know I sound very confused. I thought my mom would be open-minded when I told her that I'm contemplating women, and I also wondered if it would stop with the marriage pressure. I was proven wrong, and it made my family even more willing to push arranged marriage. They say "Let us find a man that can satisfy you. You just need our help and you will no longer think about women."

As the days go by, I just think dating men and securing marriage gets too complicated. At least a lot of women are looking for serious long-term relationships, but my family will be very heart-broken if I end up with a woman. My mom said she couldn't even sleep all night when I told her. Then, I felt bad.

I see all these married women everyday and wonder how their man proposed? How were they able to find men that wanted to marry them and not men that said "I'm not ready" or "I'm not looking for anything serious."

[DreamP346]

When I started dating my husband, I was not looking for marriage, kids, etc. After we had been involved 2 1/2 years, we knew that is where we were heading, we discussed marraige, family, children. Of course, by this time, I had assessed that he was marriage material, would fit into my Asian family (well somewhat), was financially secure, etc. The right way to do it is before you settle down.

If you state upfront that you want these things, you will eliminate people who are afraid of the upfront commitment (I know I would have run if somebody told me that is what they were hoping for long term), and folks who are not currently looking for that but may in the future. I am a big believer that love/finding the right person happens when you aren't looking. My hypothesis is that you aren't trying so hard and just being yourself so are more likely to find somebody who likes the real you. Of course, that's just my opinion. But all my relationships happened when all I was looking for was non commital fun.

About your family, now there are different ways of handling them.
1) You can minimize your contact with them so the one time a year they see you they don't have enough time to bug you about the arranged marriage
2) Become really obnoxious and bring home dates that would horrify them
3) Give them a long list of requirements that are impossible to find all in one person
4) Tell them you are not a virgin and you will have to tell the family of the perspective groom and wouldn't that be more humiliating than having an unmarried daughter
5) Learn to ignore them
6) Laugh it off. Make jokes everytime they bring it up.

The civil way to go is #5 but you'll have to go by what works best for you family

[Magnetism]

Sp-As I mentioned in an older thread, some commitment phobic men lie and pretend to go along with the woman's marriage wishes in hopes of getting you to do what they want.

I agreed to be on an Indian marriage site a few years ago. One Indian man born and raised in America pretended to be interested in marriage, but he then said he wasn't looking for anything serious. He also was feeling me up, grabbing my breasts and asking me sexual questions on our date. Another Indian-American man on the same marriage site asked me for naked pictures, and got mad at me when I told him no. These men were fully aware that I was looking for something serious, but they didn't care. They were willing to do anything it would take to get me naked.


My family knows I'm a non-virgin and that I've had casual sex. Their suggestion is to just keep it a secret and not tell my future spouse. My mom even says that today's Indian man no longer expects a 30 year old virgin bride, and any man in 2012 that wants a virgin today is dumb.

[brunettebabe]

After dating my husband for about only three months I knew he was the one so I told him so. When he responded he was like, "Okay, we'll see what happens in the fututre." A few months later he proposed.

[DreamP346]

Sp-As I mentioned in an older thread, some commitment phobic men lie and pretend to go along with the woman's marriage wishes in hopes of getting you to do what they want.

I agreed to be on an Indian marriage site a few years ago. One Indian man born and raised in America pretended to be interested in marriage, but he then said he wasn't looking for anything serious. He also was feeling me up, grabbing my breasts and asking me sexual questions on our date. Another Indian-American man on the same marriage site asked me for naked pictures, and got mad at me when I told him no. These men were fully aware that I was looking for something serious, but they didn't care. They were willing to do anything it would take to get me naked.


My family knows I'm a non-virgin and that I've had casual sex. Their suggestion is to just keep it a secret and not tell my future spouse. My mom even says that today's Indian man no longer expects a 30 year old virgin bride, and any man in 2012 that wants a virgin today is dumb.

I wasn't trying to say telling up front is a good thing. Actually the opposite. You may elliminate people who aren't looking for that type of commitment actively, but may become something long term down the road if given the right circumstances. So my recommendation is to not mention anything up front.

[Stillness]

To all the men, would you rather have your girlfriend be upfront on what she wants to see in her future?

Hypothetically, yes. I don't believe in casual dating. I wouldn't date someone who does. If I was dating I would be ready and willing to marry and so would she. The only question would be compatibility on sex, personality, child-rearing, finance, etc.

My beliefs were different when I was actually dating. In my teens and early twenties any serious marriage talk perceived as pressure to marry would have most likely scared me off. My religious views changed while I was dating and I immediately proposed to my girlfriend and we had a public ceremony within a week.

[Magnetism]

I wasn't trying to say telling up front is a good thing. Actually the opposite. You may elliminate people who aren't looking for that type of commitment actively, but may become something long term down the road if given the right circumstances. So my recommendation is to not mention anything up front.

In my last relationship, I mentioned the future after 9 months of dating. My last boyfriend was willing to commit to me quickly without me having to mention anything, but he pulled away the minute I mentioned to him how I was expected to get married.

I'm just curious how most couples start talking about this? Does the woman bring it up or does it vary? How did your man react? If he pulls away or gets defensive about money, does it mean he's not interested and I should go look elsewhere?