[JonDoe]

As the days go by, I just think dating men and securing marriage gets too complicated. At least a lot of women are looking for serious long-term relationships, but my family will be very heart-broken if I end up with a woman. My mom said she couldn't even sleep all night when I told her. Then, I felt bad.

Your family should stop meddling in YOUR life! Whether you choose to marry a man or not and/or sleep with women should really be of no concern to them. Just like if you choose to be a astronaut, dentist, doctor, lawyer, parking lot attendant or Walmart greeter should not be an issue either. Tell your family that you know they have good intentions, but they should only be concerned with YOUR happiness. Then tell them that they are putting so much pressure on you to find the right man that you are having difficulty being yourself, which is sabotaging your relationships. Tell them that if they don't stop meddling that they will be seeing less of you. Do this in a firm, but loving manner. It might take a few times, but it should work if they truly care about your happiness more then what friends think about their 30+ year old unmarried daughter.

[DreamP346]

In my last relationship, I mentioned the future after 9 months of dating. My last boyfriend was willing to commit to me quickly without me having to mention anything, but he pulled away the minute I mentioned to him how I was expected to get married.

I'm just curious how most couples start talking about this? Does the woman bring it up or does it vary? How did your man react? If he pulls away or gets defensive about money, does it mean he's not interested and I should go look elsewhere?

It really depends on the couple and individual. A person like your ex would have had to be slowly slipped into the idea. Kind of sneaking it in. Not really moving in together but you are basically living with him. That type of stuff. Some people are just phobic about marriage and being tied down.

In my relationship, we never really sat down and had the formal talk, but when you have been together over 2 years, you know each other very well and know each other's intensions and what they want with life. There might have been talks about what type of wedding we would want, how our parents would want grand kids, etc. But they were all casual conversations. Personally (and this is just me), I hate the serious converstation about "where is this relationship going?"

Something my hubby (then boyfriend) did which I liked a lot was always bring things up very gently. A month after intense dating (seeing each other 5 times a week and talking every day), he said something like "I hope this isn't too forward and I don't mean to scare you off, but I really like you a lot." There was no expectation for me to return the feelings that made me very comfortable. It did get me a tiny bit concerned that we were headed towards the "love" state pretty fast, but it was done so gently without putting any pressure on me that even a commitment phobe like myself was OK with it.

I think you can be clear what you want from life (like saying you do want marriage and kids and a house in the suburbs, etc), but if you say "I am hoping you will want to get married and have kids and buy a house in the suburbs one day" that puts a lot of pressure on the person up front when they don't know anything about the relationship.

Of course, all my suggestions are coming from a commitment phobe. I will say, all my guy friends tell me that women in their 30's are more aggressive and up front with what they want. They tend to be on a mission about commitment and settling down. So the guys I know get turned off by that behavior. Now older guys might be a different matter. They may also be looking to settle down and like it when a woman says they want to get married/have kids, etc. it all really depends on the person.

[Magnetism]

SP-I have also heard that many men feel that women have an agenda when they hear them bring up marriage and commitment. I also don't feel comfortable asking where this is going or "Are you serious about me?" Towards the end of my last relationship, it was actually a good thing that my ex didn't want to get married. We weren't right for each other, due to other various differences. We did live with each other for a month, an I learned that there's no way in hell that I want to marry this man.

Jon Doe-I have told my family to stop meddling in my life numerous times. I have also explained that dating in 2012 is much different than how things were in India during the 1970's. They keep saying that they want what's best for me, which is why they're so concerned. They have 50K saved up for my marriage. They have improved over the years, but they still don't quite get it.

I choose to stay in contact with my family, because they're helpful in other ways. I personally got angry at a male family member saying "Let me talk to a man that you meet. I will get you to marry him." What the hell? That's a surefire way to scare a guy off.

[Magnetism]

I have also offered books to my parents to help them understand how dating has changed. A great book called "Why men marry *****es" explains why women shouldn't thrust or push marriage onto their man. A lot of the men interviewed in that book made some great points. That a woman is more likely to get commitment the less she talks about it. I feel like my parents think western style dating is a waste of time and want to see a marriage proposal right away.

If I do go the arranged marriage route, I think it's fair to let a man know that I'm only doing it for my parents and that I'm not really into him. My parents said they would be humiliated if I do this, but a man needs to know the truth. I have even considered finding a gay Indian man to marry, as many gay Indian men are looking for marriage of conveniences. That way he can date whoever he wants when married and I can also date whomever I want. The only problem is a gay man I and may not be able to produce grandkids.

[JonDoe]

If I do go the arranged marriage route, I think it's fair to let a man know that I'm only doing it for my parents and that I'm not really into him. My parents said they would be humiliated if I do this, but a man needs to know the truth. I have even considered finding a gay Indian man to marry, as many gay Indian men are looking for marriage of conveniences. That way he can date whoever he wants when married and I can also date whomever I want. The only problem is a gay man I and may not be able to produce grandkids.

Whose happiness is most important to you - yours or your parents?

[Magnetism]

Whose happiness is most important to you - yours or your parents?

Mine obviously, but I don't want to deal with the guilt and drama associated with certain choices.

Deep down inside, I think I would want to be married to a man as long as he is the right person. But, it's just that I'm scared. I don't know if I'm worthy enough or competitive enough in the dating/marriage market. Men these days have very high standards and don't want to deal with commitment, right? I heard men want to marry blonde and thin women, and I don't look like that. I have an innate fear of being judged for my sexual preferences by men. I don't know how I'm going to bring it up to a man that I like to enjoy receiving facials. It just seems that the LGBT community is more open-minded, kinky, and less competitive.

If my parents put my ad and photos up on a marriage site, I'm sure I will get rejected by the people that I like and a person may think my photos are misleading. The last time my parents put my ad up, I attracted attention from people that weren't my type. The men that easily want to marry me are men that were raised in India, who I'm not into. If that's all what I can get, what's the point of dating men?

[JonDoe]

Do not confuse honoring your parents with trying to please them regardless of the circumstances. You need to be happy with your life choices. You can't please everyone all of the time. Your parents need to learn to respect your life choices.

Regarding the facials. I don't think this is something you bring up in casual conversation, at least not until you are at a point of being confident enough in the relationship to share fantasies with your partner. However, after having sex a few times with the same guy, you can certainly give him a blow job and have him come on your face. I don't know a single guy that would be offended by that, especially if he could tell that you weren't offended by it, but I'm sure there are some that might not care for that, and to each his own.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I can't comment on dating sites because I first met my wife nearly 24 years ago and we were married 2 years later.

[Magnetism]

Do not confuse honoring your parents with trying to please them regardless of the circumstances. You need to be happy with your life choices. You can't please everyone all of the time. Your parents need to learn to respect your life choices.

Regarding the facials. I don't think this is something you bring up in casual conversation, at least not until you are at a point of being confident enough in the relationship to share fantasies with your partner. However, after having sex a few times with the same guy, you can certainly give him a blow job and have him come on your face. I don't know a single guy that would be offended by that, especially if he could tell that you weren't offended by it, but I'm sure there are some that might not care for that, and to each his own.

Fortunately or unfortunately, I can't comment on dating sites because I first met my wife nearly 24 years ago and we were married 2 years later.

My last partner said he didn't like it when women swallowed semen, so I didn't bring up facials.

I was having lunch with a close married friend of mine, and she said that I could use my bisexuality to my advantage as it's every man's dream. I think the solution is to make sure that someone is very open-minded.

[Little]

Early in my relationship, my boyfriend knew that I wanted our relationship to end in marriage. It couldn't be anytime soon, since we both worked at the same retail location and married couples had to be in different stores, but I was not quiet, demure, or patient about the idea that, at SOME point, we were going to get married or the relationship was going to end.

Eventually he got a promotion that sent him to another store, and by that time we'd planned a pregnancy (no rules against that!) The clock was ticking and since I knew he wouldn't be able to squirrel away money to propose to me, I informed him one day at about 7 months pregnant that we'd be going to the county clerk before our next day off to get a marriage license.

In hindsight, nothing I did ever scared him off and that's what I like about him. I talk big about seeking out a partner who fulfills your needs and fits you, and my husband was absolutely it. He never made me dance around truths or play games, never kept me waiting. We were both in the right place, ready for the same things, at the same time. Not everybody is going to get a significant other who's like that. Some people are going to dance around what they want to get it in the end ... but you don't HAVE to. Finding a man whose value for blonde and thin doesn't outweigh his value for exotic and curvy is hard. But you don't want to marry anybody less.

[Magnetism]

Thanks, Little. So, it seems like a man that's really into you won't give you excuses or try to make you feel weird for saying what you want? Sure, money or wanting to take your time sounds like valid excuses. But, I also know couples that were so crazy about each other where money didn't matter and where the couple was working minimum wage. I heard that if a man wants to be with you, nothing will stop him.

Well, I forgot to add that I did have a good male friend that did propose to me routinely. He's 41 though, while I'm 29. I just know we're not meant to be.