[Nightelf]

I am wondering if something changes when you get married. Something more than legal aspects. Can anyone tell me what they feel? I keep on being told that we shouldnt bother getting married if we are not going to have kids. But for me marriage is way more than that. I dont want children, that is a personal choice, but surely that isnt the only reason to get married?

[JubesInquest]

I am wondering if something changes when you get married. Something more than legal aspects. Can anyone tell me what they feel? I keep on being told that we shouldnt bother getting married if we are not going to have kids. But for me marriage is way more than that. I dont want children, that is a personal choice, but surely that isnt the only reason to get married?

For starters, do you LOVE the person you want to marry? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with them?

You don't have to want kids to get married.... your feelings can change about that-- you never know.

I've been married many years, and it's sooo funny: we were just friends, and when we first me, we didn't think too much about each other.
It's been more than 20 years, and to me, the most that changes (IMO) is that you grow older and you learn more and become more mature.

You learn each other... you learn what ticks a person off, what makes them happy; how they act when they feel bad; what to say or do to help them, or when to just give that person space. You learn as a couple and as individuals.
You learn the ways of your children after you have them.

To me, one of the most important things is that you BOTH make the decision to hang in there when things get tough (and they do get TOUGH); to be there for one another no matter what, and to love and show love to one another every day.

[kaylar]

legal position

Marriage is the change of legal status. It grants certain rights
and responsibilities.

Examples are useful;

Robin was in a motor vehicle accident.
Pat, whom he lived with, had no authority to make
any decision as to his treatment. She was a stranger
in law. His brother was contacted as he had the authority.

Joyce lived with Sam for many years.
Sam died.
Sam was married but his wife had left him years
ago, he never made the effort to divorce her.
The Wife got everything.
Joyce got servant wages for the fifteen years
she had lived with Sam.

Eric lived with Ann in a house left to her by
a grandparent. Her name alone was on the title.
Ann decided to get rid of Eric.

She sold the house, and took everything, even
items Eric had brought into the home, and moved
away while he was at work.

Eric had no rights and had to resort to criminal
law where he would charge Ann for appropriating
his property. Ann claimed he had given her these
things. Eric got nothing.

George and Mary lived together in his apartment.
He told Mary to leave. She refused. He brought
in his new girlfriend, and together they threw
Mary's things on the street.

She had no rights.

Hence marriage is a method to insure rights...

The right for Pat to decide Robin's treatment.
The right of Joyce to inherit.
The right of Eric to the property.
The right of Mary to security.

Marriage does not insure love, fidelity, companionship
or even compassion. Marriage only insures that a
party has locus standi in issues effecting property
and rights.

[Nightelf]

Thanks for the replies.
I most definitely do love the man I am with and I couldnt ask for a better person. We have had to endure incredible hardships financially, which is now sorted, the death of my father which was a very big blow for me and numerous other issues. Throughout all this he did not budge, he is steady as a rock. He is 100% committed and although no one can predict infidelity he does not show any other obvious danger signs. In my opinion we are soul mates and I am 30 and he is just a little younger so we have had our fair share of bad relationships. We work very hard at our relationship and do not let it rest on the fact that we really are great together.
Children are non negotiable.
So I am wondering if a marriage will be a worthy next step.

[kaylar]

Marriage seems a sensible next step for your relationship.
Have a nice big almost informal wedding, as everyone
knows you are a couple, and make it the best party
you ever went to in your life.

[LadyLane]

Children have nothing to do with a marriage, other than my personal belief is that if one is going to have children, they ought to be or get married to make it easier for the children's lives.

That being said, who needs a reason to get married?! You sound like you have a wonderful, loving, strong relationship. That in itself is a reason to get married! To celebrate your bond and the fact that you have each found the perfect person for yourselves. Committing yourself in front of God and your family (no offense if God isn't your main guy) and friends is a testament to the love you feel and the life that you want to share together.

Real love is always a gorgeous and amazing thing that should be celebrated.

[Guest]

I am wondering if something changes when you get married. Something more than legal aspects. Can anyone tell me what they feel? I keep on being told that we shouldnt bother getting married if we are not going to have kids. But for me marriage is way more than that. I dont want children, that is a personal choice, but surely that isnt the only reason to get married?

It is the Catholic belief that a marriage is invalid if the couple doesn't intend on having children... Are you Catholic?

[Nightelf]

Ravsoma, I have no idea? I am not Catholic but I would be interested if anyone can answer that question?

[LadyLane]

Not so much that its invalid, but that it is the reason to marry. Procreation is the key.

When my parents married forty years ago, and after two years hadn't had children, my grandmother chastised my mother by telling her that the church dictates that the only reason they should have been getting married was to have children. They still waited three more years to have me. And I waited four years to have my daughter. I didn't want children ever when I got married, and neither did my husband. And then we did.

[Guest]

Ravsoma, I have no idea? I am not Catholic but I would be interested if anyone can answer that question?

..Answer what question? O_O