[Pollon]

I have a few more questions.

Has he always been the jealous type? If not, what's changed
Has he put on a lot of weight since you've been dating?
Do you have any kids?

[brunettebabe]

No kids and things weren't always like this. I would say its gotten worse.

[Euphoric]

Has he always been this controlling and opinionated? Is he always critical of the choices you make? Is he used to you making decisions that please him instead of yourself? It sounds like he is slowly but surely finding ways to lower your self-esteem and gain control over your choices because they are not the same decisions he would make. Don't allow someone to take away your ability to think for yourself or belittle you. You deserve to be happy, not controlled. He is nitpicking choices you make. A relationship doesn't mean that you are suppose to lose your identity and individuality. In healthy relationships, you share yourself with someone, not lose yourself.

[brunettebabe]

Here is the whole story. On a scale from 1-10, 1 being the worst and 10 being the best, I would rate my marriage about about 5. We don't have sex, he doesn't spend much time with me, he doesn't do anything for me, and as you already know he doesn't exactly treat me very well. He has schizophrenia, but does not take medicine for it. I believe he used to way before I came in his life, but he had put a stop to it for some reason. This is the reason why he can be awfully cruel to me sometimes and call me cruel names. He will call me the n word or b word because he will think I making faces or suggesting or implying things. Things have gotten worse because in the past he would not call me cruel names and we would have sex a lot more. We live more like room mates than husband and wife. He does not eat supper with me at the dinner table or sleep with me in the bed at night. He is kind o.c.d because of his schizophrenia. He doesn't want to eat with me because he doesn't want to sit at the table with his dirty work pants. He would prefer to eat in the basement. He would also prefer to be alone because he wants to savor the taste of the food. He doesn't sleep with me in the bed because he doesn't want me trying to mess with his penis. So he sleeps on a couch in the other bedroom. He lines it with towels because it belonged to his aunt and she smoked all her life and because of the cat. He would rather sleep on couch that smells of smoke and is dirty because of the cat than sleep with his loving wife on a fairly new, nice, big, comfortable, clean bed. He doesn't think anything is wrong with him or our marriage so I can't get him to a professional. He thinks our marriage is about an eight. I get sex only about once a month. When the one month is coming to end he will say we'll do it Monday, but by the time Monday comes around he will find some excuse to cancel and say we'll do it Tuesday. Tuesday comes around he'll cancel again. He'll cancel for about two weeks before he some action finally happens. He has a zillion excuses. Nothing stops me from wanting to make love to my beloved husband. He tries to make up for cancelling by buying me movies. There is always a list of movies. The list never ends. Right now I get seven. The reason he bought that 3 in 1 dvd was for the cancelling. He didn't like the fact that I chose a 3 in 1 that contained all black actors. I made him happy by getting rid of it. The story of my life.

[Euphoric]

This doesn't sound like a marriage, at least not a happy one. I'm not in your shoes, but I think rating it a 5 on a scale of 1 - 10 is being EXTREMELY generous. You have to access your situation and determine if this is the way you want to spend the rest of your life. If my husband preferred to eat without me, sleep alone, continually cancelled the once a month date for sex, and refused to seek help, I'd be re-evaluating the choice I made.

I realize that marriage vows are sacred, but living an unfulfilling life with a partner who continually belittled me is not a LOVING relationship.

[Pollon]

Schizophrenia is a pretty big detail to leave out. It could be the reason for his paranoia about football players, black actors and possibly sex. I don't know if that is THE problem, but it needs to be ruled out, which means treated for things to get better.

Not sure how you get him to treatment, but it might require the fear of losing you.

Good luck

[Linda Loo]

Please see a professional therapist for guidance. My sis married a man who was schitzo, she didn't find out until after the birth of their son when he stopped taking his meds. If he won't go see someone, then you need to so that you know what you're dealing with and in what ways it might get worse. Good luck to you! P.S. my sister is divorced from him and re-married.

[Element]

He doesn't sleep with you. But complains you watch sports and watch a movie with a black man in it...He just may be a closet case. He married you, but stays away from you, doesn't even share a bedroom with you, out right refuses to sleep with you, isn't around you much at all. So who is getting all of his time? Because it sure as hell isn't with his wife. You aren't in a marriage, you don't have a significant other; you have an annoying roommate. There's no need for you to be fear being alone, cuz it sounds like you pretty much are. Divorce him and start a new. You have nothing with him to begin with, so just go for it. You'll be surprised at how good a fresh start can feel.

[PinkySweet]

He needs to get on meds asap. Schizophrenia can be very dangerous.

I would leave though if he refuses to get help. Calling you the "N" word really? Hes got major jealousy issues.